Tag Archives: fanfiction

Gay Porn and other Delicacies Part One: A History

If you know me well, you would know that I find homosexual acts very objectifyingly satisfying. If this offends you in any way….

You saw the title! Whatcha click for?

As I was saying, from a young age, I’ve enjoyed homosexual acts. As I’ve edited this post, I realized not only did/do I enjoy homosexual acts between men, it’s the same for women (and really, any consensual acts between attractive humans is pretty much okay).

In 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade- all three?- we had a porn video. We called it the ‘blank tape’ because, as you might’ve guessed, it was blank. I don’t remember who put it in the VCR first. Perhaps we all did before we all came together and realized that everyone else knew that the tape was nudie. Ma and Pa told us not to watch it, the youngest (Lil Sis and Lil Bro- both #2) would put it in the VCR all the time and laugh and giggle and do things that little kids do when they are being little assholes who do things they know they’re not supposed to do, yadda yadda yadda, and found a little interest in it.

One time, I watched it from the beginning to end. Under the pretense of sickness, I skimped out on Bible study to get the damn thing all to myself without worry of someone coming out of a room to catch me- though I’m sure someone had it in their mind that I would look at it.

It was made up of about five or six scenes, and the second scene- about 32 minutes in, maybe- was a lesbian scene. I didn’t know what things like aroused and turned on or horny meant, but I recognize now that the lesbian scene was indeed arousing.

But I skipped it. I was a God-fearing ten-or-so-year-old and I was already being terrible enough. Plus, I thought that the heterosexual couples were- don’t laugh- were, you know, together. Husband and wives and stuff.

stupid me

And I watched the rest, always with the lesbian scene in the back of my mind. I don’t know exactly what happened afterwards, but I believe Ma or Pa called home saying they went out to eat something and so, though I had planned to stop completely when I had satisfied my curiosity, I decided to watch the lesbian scene completely. I turned it up a little and it turned out to be a ‘mother’/’daughter’ thing. The ‘mother’ apparently cheated on the ‘daughter’ and the ‘daughter’ decided to punish her… by having sex with her… Or something.

You don’t care about ‘plot’ in porn and neither did I. Somewhat. I always enjoyed the scene more when I could hear it, even putting in earphones.

Around the same time, my aunt had an anime magazine. It had a review on the BL/yaoi/shounen ai/gay-romance-intended-for-a-female-audience Original Video Animation called “Fake”.

First BL

I most definitely was watching “Fake” on the DVD player around the same time as I would sneak the blank tape in the dying VCR. And it was only until the VCR died and all our VHS tapes disappeared that I started gay male romance hunting in earnest.

Let’s back up. There was only a very tiny anime picture for “Fake” in the magazine. My aunt had bookmarked it and, her being my favorite aunt then and now, I was completely interested in what had her smiling every time she looked at it.

The two characters you see had their faces close together and all, and at the time I had no fucking idea which was the girl and which was the boy (that’s heterosexual privilege by the way-you see people making lovey-dovey eyes and you start putting them in gender constructs!). I guessed the light-haired guy on the bottom was the girl, because, ya’ know, he was light-haired and on bottom.

But I went back to the article, because I tend to get batshit-obsessed with things until I completely figure them out. My aunt caught me and got pissed and so I was scared away for about a month.

And then the “Fake” DVD appeared in our house, held among my aunt’s possessions. I tried to watch it through my parents’ room; their door had windows in them so that I could see into that entertainment room in which my aunt would watch “Fake” alone. But she caught me and covered up the windows.

One day, while she was watching it, I actually read the review article on “Fake” by Sanami Matoh in the comfort of her room. I remember the way they wrote it came off to me in big neon lights as GAY PORN!!!!!! I was sure it was going to be just as raunchy as the lesbian scene. Later, aunt went out drinking or something and the family went to Bible study and I, legit, had to practice my trombone for a chair test coming up (a chair test that started me in the first three chairs for the rest of my middle school career, as I would never, ever be among the last again). 

I watched all of “Fake”. I think there were two kissing scenes and dark-haired dude trying to undress light-haired dude. Overall, though I did like the ghost-and-murder plot and all, the GAY PORN!!!!!!! bit was quite lacking. Didn’t stop me from watching it at every opportunity, though. 

Of course, I still believed in god and all that…

Sexy Zechs-yStep back. My aunt also read fanfiction. She gave me a Dragon Ball Z fanfic with Bulma and Vegeta and told me to skip the ‘nasty’ parts. Of course, I read them. (Mama also gave me romance novels, where I realized that adult writing can be just as simple as what I read at school, and that the middle part of any piece of erotic writing is probably a sex scene).

And after/around that time (March 2000) the anime series Gundam Wing appeared on Cartoon Network. Gundam Wing had five main guys and was a catalyst not only for more serious anime to appear in America on a more regular basis (and not just Pokemon and Yugioh type shits to cater to children and their fetish for toys), but also for gay fanfiction. There were also two other main guys. Turkey Blondie up there and his best friend… lover… enemy… Very complicated have-to-watch-the-show-to-understand thing. They were my favorite couple to read.

Putting the pieces together, I started to look for gay erotic fanfiction because heterosexual fanfiction was either 1) Romance lovey-dovey same shit over and over utter crap 2) Straight-out porn. I mean, a lot of fanfiction- most of fanfiction is pretty much porn. But I’m talking about that porn porn. For example, you can’t really put A Rake’s Vow by Stephanie Laurens in the same category as Real Female Orgasms 13, as there’s something infinitely more pornographic about something about orgasms and a harlequin for which many can’t wait until the heroine and her lover bump uglies. Another post entirely. 

And that’s when I found yaoi (or, as I like to call it, BL, so I could encompass shounen-ai). The main distinction between the two is that yaoi is a lot more pornographic than shounen-ai, usually. Yaoi is an acronym for it, really. While shounen-ai translates to boys’ love, and is more about, you guessed it, love between males. Of course, all of this is targeted towards females, because Japanese females like that stuff- and so do a lot of other females, of course. That is to say, it’s not at all representative of gay men in reality. although some, like heterosexual fiction, may hit close to home to many.

BL is short for boys’ love but has gotten distinct from shounen-ai as that it usually includes yaoi nowadays.

HomosinYou might have figured out that I might have had a little trouble reconciling my penchant for gay porn (when I started watching porn, my interest could only stay on lesbian porn. Gay male porn was just soooo… Quiet… And hard to find when I was so young!) with my Christian beliefs and over and over I would pray to stop finding any pleasure in it, or promising the lord that I’ll never look at it again. I had a few crazy things happen when my parents saw or read what I read- back when they thought homosexuality caused AIDS and that the ‘lifestyle’ including unlimited sex and drugs and hell-bentness.

My mind had shut down and I was just so angry and depressed- over gay porn really! I couldn’t find interest in anything except books, but then I would get sexually aroused and nothing really eased that unless I read some yaoi.

I went back to it (duh) and eventually gave up god and have been doing my own thing ever since.

I wrote fanfiction, and now I work mainly on original stuff. But my desire for different, alternative sexualities and genders and sex(es) has me writing about male-leaning hermaphrodites in a fantasy slave society. I also identify with the kink scene and wish for deeper submission within myself and within such a society. I actually started with the rough stuff around middle school. Unfortunately, that was also a time where I got more selective with what gay porn I was reading (or what lesbian porn I was watching). I particularly remember several things that I perused oftener than anything else, or before trying out something new:

  • Velvet by Kumiko– A fanfiction between the main male adult characters in “Gundam Wing”, and one other of the main five. Basically, Turkey Blonde takes in Ginger, an ex-lawyer who was kidnapped and put into a whole slave ring sort of deal. Turkey Blondie is the master of the house and demands obedience. Chinese main guy is already his very obedient slave. Well, drama and kink ensue and it’s terribly wonderful and very much the fanfic that set me spiraling into BDSM. I lost it around 2003 and didn’t find it again until, I think, 2010. And I was ecstatic.
  • A Little Wager by Casual Otaku– Another fanfic. The main couple rivals of the video game series King of Fighters. I was actually going to skip it because it seemed super weebo with the terrible bits of Japanese thrown in so often and the fall-quickly-in-love trope. But with the author’s little tidbits, I had a feeling the person knew exactly what they were doing. So I kept on. Basically, one guy loses to another guy in a bet and has to do everything he says (haha, so original). Of course, the winner makes him his slave and then things get really heated and further into BDSM I go.
  • Kneel by bastmoon– …Fanfic! Hahaha! Between the co-protagonist and lead antagonist of anime “Fushigi Yuugi”. Pro gets taken prisoner by Anta. I could tell I was into some rough stuff because I didn’t follow “Fushigi Yuugi” at all. My aunt had one video which I watched the bloopers of over and over. However, I became super attached to this bit o’ porn.
  • Starts With a Spin by maxine– A Harry Potter, Draco/Harry fanfic that I’mma add just to show that I’m not only a sadist/masochist. I’ve read this four times!

You might be wondering…

Why though


When I was in 9th grade, my parents told me I would grow out of anime and video games, for various reasons, and that I’ll never follow through with them as a career or anything. I believed them, too, wanting to be a thoracic surgeon or some sort intensive doctor like that throughout my middle years in high school. Yeaaah…. That followed through, didn’t it?

I can’t really think of why. There really wasn’t any turning point that I remember. When I was very young, five-six-seven and on, I remember imagining Barbie’s friends doing horrible things to Barbie while she was naked, and the characters of video game Tekken 2 getting together, doing vague nakey stuff, and having babies and fighting bad guys of various natures (I was big on an oatmeal… Like, everyone would be naked and covered in oatmeal and fighting bad guys). Now that I really think about it… I was pretty much destined for some really out-of-this-world shit.

But what, exactly, am I into in regards to Gay Porn and Other Delicacies, and what do I recommend as part of my crazy-ass psyche?

How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits
How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits

In Krieger Lab

I’m back. I’m not continuing any of my fanfiction. Well, more like, I’m on a long hiatus. Now, I have published my original fiction- the Maléan stories- in response to the Gorean chronicles. They are tales of hermaphrodite aliens- beings able to impregnate and get pregnant- who look like women mostly when their clothes are on, and men when their clothes are off. Face and body shape wise, they seem girly, while they have penises. I can go on and on about their looks, and they still have remarkably different features like we Earthlings have, but I’ll stop there.

It isn’t a futanari story or anything like that; it’s pretty much action/adventure/erotica/romance with a large flavoring of the life we live now. First was “A Maléan Demon” which went pretty well. I just finished ” A ~ Gem” which did three times as well (got 3x as many hits), and soon I will have “~ Cages” which will be suuuuuuper long (and the other two stories are already novel-length, much to my surprise when one of my friends pointed it out).

I know, you might be wondering- Finished? Shinashi finished something?

I sure did. Malé is something that has stuck and will stick probably until I fail too much at getting it published, but, for now, I genuinely okay with just getting hits!


This ‘happening’ post pertains to my fanfic Fallen Stars. It is a Fire Emblem, TibarnxReyson fic.

I never got in the habit of publishing short stories before publishing long ones. It seems that I am so loathe to finish with a story that I let it drag on and on.  I think a lot on these stories, more than anyone but a few would ever know. Even Fallen Starts or anything else that I have taken a break from for a long time. I usually take breaks when I’m busy or when I don’t have enough reviews to motivate me. It’s actually split even between the two, surprisingly. I still know the main things I want done in this fic, but I think I’mma risk a plothole and forget the whole time thing. I can’t recall what day I am on. Two days before the party? Two days they have met together? I don’t know.

Anyway, uh, so let’s go.

Speed forward to the day of reckoning, the great Let Go. Bring in the Dawn Brigade to shake things up.

Later on, at Gallia’s place, Ashera’s party.

Day after, Ashnard again.

I feel so discouraged. I was so into the beginning and the end that I never really planned a middle strong enough for me to remember! I may never be able to finish this!

Happenings 2

So while not everything has happened as planned from Happenings 1, I do feel the need to start off Happenings 2 just to have my shit in order, or else I might just go crazy! So many things I wanted to happened that hasn’t happened or needs to happen soon or else my writing will be all screwed. It kinda sucks that I think of these stories constantly, and so they are constantly changing.

The Mirror Meeting is in a Month! Before that, this needs to happen!:

Juthian needs to be recruited as Iason’s Furniture (information known from Katze, Ch. 6), Iason talks about Mirror Meeting, Same time Nico talks with Vaessi-Kyle-Enil: Chapter 7

Ima and Riki-with great reluctance from Iason- need to go on a night out with Daryl and Yui, Same time Jupiter summons Iason with news about Voshka Khosi, Same night Iason informs Eadni about the meeting and meets Cousin

Getting Ahead is like Getting High

So, like, I’m addicted to writing right now. It’s all I really want to do besides playing video games and cleaning. And right now I’m playing Tekken 6 and Resident Evil 5 or Harvest Moon Animal Parade. I got the last for Christmas ’09, Tekken the day it came out, and RE5 sometime during the summer with my XBOX 360.

I like to write fantasy stories, mostly fanfiction because I’m too much of a pussy to publish something of my original works, which I actually have a couple of. I like male/male mostly because I don’t like writing girls too much, or reading them, or watching them. Oh well.

Some people think that the Tekken and RE series have gotten worse over time. Tekken is on a ‘pretty game’ or RE has gotten less scary.  Alien infested people are a bit less scary than zombies I guess. And Tekken’s a fighting game. It has only gotten prettier to me. But new characters and endings has me running to anything that comes from it.

Is Leo a boy yet? Lee is gay. I love me some Christie!
Sure, no problem.

In all honesty, I tend not to view both these games as continuations of the former addition. I believe people worked to0 hard to make them different and look better that the last one. I believe they are getting better and better.

Consult a psychiatrist on why I love yaoi. Man and man seems rough! But I have found out that it is in fact a very girly medium, if you try hard enough. Gag on the video song, but it’s the only one I saw that didn’t have like Naruto and Bleach yaoi, which I didn’t want, ya’ know.


Ok, reviews are things of the past apparently. At least for me. :C I yearn for them more than anything else because…. Like, I write so that people can read and I know people are reading- It’s like comments. Dozens of people read my stuff a month but don’t say A THING. I’m not really complaining. It’s just that it is very frustrating that, perhaps, no one cares about the person who is doing the writing, or whether the author continues writing or not. C’ est la Vie, ya’ know? I mean, if you read something of mine that is even a week old, I don’t care. Comment and review and say hi just to let me know you’re there.

It’s depressing to feel this way. I’m about to discontinue a fic that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like because no one is reviewing and so, I believe, no one cares. It’s so stupid of me! But if no one cares to review, why should I care to write? But I care anyway… And that’s why I keep going until the deep pit in my heart is dry and there’s no more motivation at all to keep me going.

Out of five votes, I only have two ‘pluses’ on Adultfanfiction. Maybe my story is actually really bad? Probably.

I’ll continue for MikkiSenpai. I got really encouraged with her strong but subtle constructive criticism. If she made out the time for me, I shall make out the time for her. Both chapters she…. or he, lol, reviewed. I can go on. And go on for all those who aren’t reviewing but are reading too.

Ai no Kusabi- Fate?

In the early stages of my yaoi phase, when I was in 5th, 6th, and 7th grade, and still nervous about one of my parents walking through the door to see me looking at X boy and X boy doing XXX. Now I only lower the tabs to younger siblings and my parents, still, to shield them for their delicate sensibilities.

Before Gravitation, I watched the Ai no Kusabi OVA. Two episodes of grainy quality and hardly a conversation I could remember and an ending that makes me cry EVERY time I watch it.

My sister, eighth grade, watched it last week. She came across it and told me but she got confused watching it. And I guess she thought it was kinda boring ’cause she went to the bathroom towards the end of it and didn’t see blank and blank and their inevitable blank. Anyway, a scarred childhood she is not going to have.

But childhood is not what I want to talk about. Guy said that their ending was fate; I don’t think so. It could have ended differently with just a bit of imagination, and that is why, I think, there are so many fanfics out there changing the storyline and the ending. That’s how all fanfics arise mostly, not filling in the gaps or fleshing out characters, but making more crises to get to an ending one finds more entertaining, or maybe even realistic, lol. It is the reason why I have my own fanfic Forgotten Day which I hope a lot of people enjoy and review that they like. It isn’t a story I want to abandon like some others…But there is no sense in writing just for myself on the internet. Not stories anyway.

And that’s the real world I think. We can work towards an end and try to get something but it ends up with an entirely different result, but that doesn’t mean it was meant for that, or that could have been the only outcome. Of course not… Of course not.

I’m looking forward to OVA 2010 and I just wish I can watch it with somebody, or on Netflix as a Party or somethin’ but that’s not gonna happen (especially not Netflix, lol). Oh, well. I shall watch it very happily alone, I guess, huh?