Category Archives: Books

Bible, Day 23, and Jacob Deceives Isaac! Didn’t see that coming.

J/K I did. Jacob means ‘he deceives’

Genesis 27:1-28:9

Summary: Jacob deceives poor Isaac when he’s old.

27 – Can’t he tell the difference between their voices? This is a ridiculous story. And what about Rebekah’s part in this plot? Well, I guess putting the blame squarely on the shoulders who did it is commendable, and Jacob did take Esau’s birthright, so it’s not like he didn’t want to take from Esau what was his, but your mother saying she’ll help you trick the dad does put some blame on said mother.

Can the blessing be passed on to only one kid? Why are we lording one kid over the other kids? Especially fucking twins? Do you want them to kill each other?

39 – Awesome blessing, Isaac. What is wrong with these people? Why didn’t he memorize two blessings?

45 – What’s up with these people and forgetting? I would never forget that my brother took a blessing reaching me and my wive s and my children and my children’s children for himself, and I get a shitty off-the-cuff blessing.

28:2 – Marry one of your cousins, Jacob. 8-9 Abraham son’s Ishmael who had a daughter named Mahalath married Esau. Abraham had Isaac and Ishmael. Mahalath is Esau’s cousin. Ok, that makes sense.

I pretty much skipped the rest. Made my eyes cross reading that crap.

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Bible, Day 22, OH GOD NO MORE DESCENDANTS

Genesis 25:1-4, 1 Chronicles 1:32-33, Genesis 25:5-6, 1 Chronicles 1:34, Genesis 25:19-26, Genesis 25:7-11, Genesis 25:27-26:35

Summary- Descendants, Abraham dies and Isaac gets on the Strugglebus, or maybe the Notsostrugglemydadisroyaltybus

1 Chronicles 1:32 – Is concubine and wife synonymous?

34– I legit did not know there was a guy named Israel. Why not Isaac though? Like why Abraham and not Lot? Guess we don’t have the whole story. Or it’s made up and these are just huge plot holes that will be perpetually unfulfilled.

Genesis 25:19-23 – Why have them serving one to the other? Whyyyy? And any lady being barren means very little if God could sprinkle a pregnancy in her. Also, how old was Rebekah? Always with the ages of the men. Who cares? Jacob is named ‘he deceives’, as explained by this Bible’s footnote. He was named this. Y’all know The Lion King? Scar’s name, from whence came it? Also, y’all know he had an Swahili name that meant trash? But that makes sense because he was probably a small disgruntled baby and everyone thought he was going to die but (surprise) he lived, prolly kinda mad no one gave him a chance. But this is Jacob, who seems to be about to deceive someone. Why name him that at birth? Or maybe this is a made up story and the names fit with their place in the plot.

Genesis 25: What about the concubine/wife? She dead, alive? Who cares, I guess.

So Esau was literally famished and he sold his birthright to Jacob for some stew his brother was making? Come on guys.

26:10 – “might well have slept with your wife” – You mean raped her? Why aren’t we using rape? Or is rape in this time literally just the taking of a wife from her husband? The sex is just the icing on the cake?

For the rest, Isaac gets to wealthy and the king there says GTFO. Which they do. Then ol’ king comes back saying there should be an alliance? I guess it does show Isaac’s character that he was like, ‘sure, whatevs’.

Esau married two women, Judith and Basemath. Why is polygamy a sin again? I’m not sure if the ‘they’ in this verse means Esau’s wives or their son?

Bible, Day 21

Summary: Abraham is ‘tested’, Sarah Dies, Isaac marries Rebekah (a woman’s name so soon!- but her father does come first!)

22:17 – I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALREADY PROMISED? And we know Isaac was old enough to understand because he asks in verse 7 where the lamb at? He doesn’t feel this was a pretty fucked up thing for Mr. Lordy Lord to do??? As Family Guy put it, Isaac should be like “What the fuck was that about?”. “God was just testing me,” Abraham says- uuuummm and Isaac??? And here we have a guy saying that god told him to do it and he attempts and is stopped by an angel (not god? We know God can speak so what’s up with these angels playing messenger? I don’t understand whyyyy). Doesn’t tell anyone and he lies to Isaac? And yet somehow we’re sure this doesn’t happen anymore. It’s the devil speaking now?

Did we forget about Job? How close is Job and Genesis? I looked it up, not close at all in a regular Bible. I wonders why.

23- Sarah dies and is buried. Where are the servants buried? Has no one died in all the time we’ve been following Abraham? I think we’re missing out on some important Bronze Age burying rituals. I do find it sweet that Abraham went out  of his way to pay for a burial site.

24:16 – “The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her”… That’s what a virgin means in this time. Also, only thing important about this girl is that she was beautiful and a virgin, apparently.  And that she ran water for the servant and the camels. I’m not going to say anything about servants. This guy seems happy and sincerely wants to do well by his master.

:24– Let’s find out where she is in the family tree in regards to Isaac. Milcah is Abraham’s sister-in-law, making her Isaac’s Aunt-in-law (is that a thing?). Milcah gives birth to Bethuel who is Rebekah’s father. Rebekah is Milcah’s granddaughter.  Bethuel is Isaac’s cousin. So Rebekah and Isaac are, what, second cousins? Cousin’s once removed? I think we’re okay in the whole scheme of things.

Can anyone tell me why this servant had to make this journey to find a wife for Isaac? What was wrong with the Canaanites? This a preservation of line thing? I think this is what made people follow ‘royalty’ for so long. And can’t no one blame royalty for marrying within the family – this is obviously allowed. Is incest a sin? It really shouldn’t be.

40-41 – What angel? It made the trip but didn’t say anything? Obviously the god magic got the servant and Rebekah to meet, but what about the angel who was to help? WHY DOES GOD NEED ANGELS??? Also “you will be released from my oath even if they refuse to give her to you”. This giving and getting of women really irks me. Before, they talked about her refusing to leave. Guess that doesn’t matter now.

42 – ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO RECAP WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Yes, yes he was.

58 – Oh, her opinion does matter. Good good.

65 – Veil?

67– “…and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Uhhh, how sweet?

Good thing Genesis is made of multiple stories unlike a certain SOMEBODY’S story that went on far longer than it should have.

Bible, Day 11, You can’t judge God

Job 22:1 – 26:14

Lol, jk, you literally can.

I’m back! I still don’t have steady internet. I don’t have to work nearly as far for the nearest internet, but Burger King isn’t exactly the place to set up a computer and books and various other distractions. Starbucks was such a place, but the nearest Starbucks is also where the campus is- a lovely 45 minute walk from here (here there is no public transportation. Isn’t that lovely?)

So I’m staying with my dearest sister until there’s time and effort that can be expended to help my way further south. A large amount of my material belongings are either (hopefully) molding in my mother’s storage unit (if I believe her claim that she is paying for it), and the others are chilling (comfortably) in my personal storage unit (it’s climate controlled). I can’t wait for when I can finally get a place of my own, or at least a place where I’m completely welcome and I can set up shop, as it were, and no one’s crossing lines until I leave.

So here I am, with the Bible by my side. I begin to read.

Summary: Eli and Bil’s turn come around again (this is tiring), and this time they seemed to have shifted the talk from “have hope because you’re awesome and God always rewards awesome people” to, “Well, technically you’re human so you probably suck to God, who’s perfect. Like, didn’t you burn some ants with a piece of glass? That might be way God destroyed your land, killed your family and servants, and makes everyone except a few loathe your presence.”

So Eli sets some cases down. Since God doesn’t do bad things to good people, he points out 22:5 “Is not your wickedness great? Are not your sins endless?” And since Job has has lived a limited number of years, there is a quantifiable amount of sins he has. Why anyone would call it endless is beyond me, unless the sins he made brought upon more sins, and he is responsible for those too? I would call bullshit on that because God’s actions have caused sins, way more sins than Job, but no one can put God on trial, as Job is fond of pointing out.

Job 23 – It’s getting pretty depressing hearing Job speak. I don’t know if these chapters happen all at once (which is silly) or these well-versed relations happened over a long time (which is even sillier), but if his pain isn’t gone or at least his situation is cleared up to him, this is just a long stream of consciousness of someone getting tortured.

I have understood so far that Job was a pretty good guy or that he (God, Satan) thinks so. And even if he WAS a bad guy, there are other bad people who “drive away the orphan’s donkey” and “thrust the needy from the path” and they’re not getting their due. And I don’t think Job means it in a tu quoque sort of way. Basically, if God always punishes the wrongdoers and blesses the righteous, it obviously doesn’t look like it (because he doesn’t exist!)

Why do bad things happen to needy people, and the people that put them there, or keep them there, or do not reach out their hands, remain unpunished? It’s an interest thought for someone who believes in a great god.

25:6 – “how much less man, who is but a maggot- a son of man, who is only a worm”- So does God like us or not? If these words of god put to paper were influenced by the god above, it doesn’t seem as if he thinks of us as anything worth anything. I mean, damn, we use worms as bait for tastier food, and try to keep maggots from forming (usually) so what does this verse really say about us?

26:1-4 – WOAH WOAH WOAH This motherfucka better be beein’ sarcastic! Holy shit if he had suddenly turned over a new leaf because ol’ Billy said that his life is worthless in the eyes of the Lord, I’mma be one pissed black lady!

 

26:12 – Who the fuck is Rahab? I should really look it up, but I try not to look up things I don’t know in books, just in case they come back and reference this particular unknown. If I try and find the answer I might end up spoiling the story- and this story is quite boring enough without spoilers. Plus, I’m still reeling from the beginning of the chapter. I have to read the next one to get an understanding of what people are really saying.

Bible, Day 10, and He’s really doing Job wrong

Job 19:1-21:34

Summary: More blathering from Zophar, but Job makes some good good points later on in this section. And I mean good from an atheist’s point of view.

19:3 – “a rebuke that dishonors me” – oh poor thing and your honor

19:13-20  – Holy shit, I’m just now realizing that Job’s community is treating him badly. Everyone’s treating him like shit. So his servants all die and all his farming is destroyed, then his kids are killed, and then he gets leprosy. On top of it all, everyone thinks he’s evil or has lost God’s favor and should be punished by everyone else as well as God. Awesome.

20:3 – Dishonor! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!

:19 – Oh look, the oppression of the poor is bad enough to give people who do it the name of evildoers who will earn God’s wrath. And yet in America we have one of the most religious populations in the developed world, and also the greatest pushback on helping the poor- and I mean REALLY helping the poor, not just dropping a few coins in the red bucket come Christmas, or even giving money to the church, unless your church has a hardworking charity aspect. Let’s look more closely at “seized houses he did not build”. I don’t know if you know this, but you can’t build houses – cardboard or not – just willy nilly, and so people can come take it, or call the police to do so. If you need somewhere to sleep, you better find a bridge, you fucking homeless fucker!

:29 – Such is the fate? Not all the time! Hell, not even most of the time. Where is Zophar getting his history lessons?

21:7  – Yes. Why do they? Seriously?

:19 – “It is said ‘God stores up man’s punishment for his sons.’ Let him repay the man himself, so that he will know it!

kermit drinking tea

 

A Day 10, and Bible class, and poor gorilla (I guess), and ridiculously high standards for life

I don’t really know if I’m tired of something until I have it before me in neat little letters, and I get angry. When I’m bored, I get upset, some deep rage wells up inside me and my mind is pummeled with thoughts like how there are better, newer, more awesome things to do. Or even, there are older, funner, more entertaining things to do, but here I am in this quicksand of a number. Fortunately, reading the Bible isn’t one of the adulting things that I’m more or less forced to do, and so I took (and continue to take) a break, and then I came back to the good book and found myself slowly getting annoyed. (that’s why it’s a continuation) So, let’s get with some interesting things: the new main picture up there.

Whenever I see a class about the Bible I see this :

bible-study for real

Especially in the middle of Crapsville Tennessee (aw, that’s not nice, but this is not a place for people who want a fast, constantly changing life- granted, most places aren’t!)

But this little snippet for a Bible class makes the worry fly away  as it makes sure to point out the class would not consider the Bible as some sort of spiritiual guide, but a collection of books. Repetitive books with an interesting way of saying things- that gets old face if nothing is happening and there aren’t any clever wisecracks every so often (like in Shakespeare, you know?).

Another thing to point out is that this class will examine the good book as it has been passed down through the oral tradition and I find to be of grave importance. Many stories written today have been passed down orally, the most famous of them being Grimm’s fairy tales or Greek myths, and the singular case of Beowulf. Countless others that haven’t made it to the mainstream are just as fictional, and just as orally shared as the books of the Bible, and yet the Bible is seen is true. I’m so confused on how this happened really. Egyptian and Greek myths have been phased out so how has the Bible (and others) been able to stay?

Before listening to my reasoning, you might want to research a bit for yourself, but I always think about all the great wars and all the killing of myriads of people and you can see why some religions have stayed longer than others. When you’re about to be killed, that half thought oral tradition may not seem so important. And when you’re doing the killing (and the subsequent convincing) you might let it get to your head that it’s your god speaking, and not just your sword.

I would love to see how the Bible has influenced so much writing. Reading the English Romantic’s poems can be a chore if you’re not familiar with Christian myth, as well as Greek and, rarely, Egyptian. This class is an English major’s opportunity’s for great credit and good learning.

kid and gorilla

Okay, beautiful gorilla, so sad it died… Well, I’m never really sad when an animal dies, especially an animal I never knew about, unless there was suffering. But I can see how it would upset many people. And I’m just going to bypass Mrs. Gregg’s thanking of God who helped the proper authorities kill the animal (instead of god catching the kid or speaking in his ear not to jump or whatever) and get to the point that is getting me from the reactions of some people.

I’m homeless at the moment and profoundly bored and alone, and while people can get kind of annoying (what is it with people repeating themselves? Over and over and over again? Yes, I got it, you said fuck you to your manager, awesome. Great! You work 12 hours a day and it sucks, gotcha. Yes, I heard you the first three times you said that he wants to marry you- PLEASE ZEUS MAKE IT STOP) kids tend to hold  my attention, because, I suppose, my brain knows they don’t know any better and so their repetition is seen as super cute. And they have small attention spans, so I know the topic will change eventually.

So I go to the free food event and we get to talking about the kid and the gorilla. None of them really care about the gorilla, HOWEVER, they think the family (especially the mom, because apparently it is understood the dad isn’t there? Because the kid is black? Or maybe moms are the only one to be watching the children?) should pay for the damage done (i.e. the cost of a gorilla). First of all, that big guy was about  the worth of a okay-driving car, and you want to put that on top of the heart attack the family involved probably felt after seeing the kid fall, first of all, and then the extreme uncertainty when Boo-boo got a hold of him. Awesome.

But what REALLY upset me was that all the people with kids at the free food event lost track of their kids. Constantly. And all day everyday as I traipse Clarksville, I hear mothers and fathers and guardians calling on their little ones to come back to the three foot radius from the main adult. And anyone who says that the parents should have been looking after the kid, well NO FUCKING SHIT. You think they don’t know that? You think they make it a habit of just forgetting their kids and letting them walk on their own? You don’t think it was just a mistake? It wasn’t until you signed that petition to ruin their lives that they realized, that, oh, Lord! They never watch their kids!

Get the fuck outta here. Yes, a poor animal died, because you don’t want to leave it to chance that the animal would or wouldn’t attack, and the many times a guardian loses track of a kid for two-point-two seconds leads to the kid falling into an enclosure for the animals natural habitat so they can do gorilla things  (I’m hearing that a lot too, should have let the animal do what it does and he prolly wouldn’t do anything? As soon as he bashes a kids brains out, what sort of song would you be singing then?)

at least you have a job

Okay, as a homeless person and a person with a disability, and people see me looking generally not as happy as others, the platitudes that seem to rest on everyone’s breasts seem ready to be quickly shared. Because that’s what people do I guess.

One of the platitudes that are driving me fucking bonkers is “Well, at least you have a job”. I put this in le google d’image, and while most of the pictures are saying you should be grateful for the life you have and the job you got, this one was in the top three, and for good reason.

Okay, “at least you have a job”, “at least you’re alive”, “at least you have a place to sleep”. I know many people like to use the useless fact that we take things for granted  against people who are trying to do better for themselves, but I’m not one of those people. Sure, I’m happy I have a job and that I’m alive and I have a place to sleep, but that doesn’t mean I should be happy about not having a place to stay during the day, not enjoying my job even a little bit (especially when I used to, a lot), or that I don’t feel my life is really worth living. I have high standards for life: I want a place to stay during the day. I enjoy cooking some of my own food and not being at the complete mercy of someone else to feed me, especially in the morning, for, at the place I’m staying, you’re not allowed to keep food, and they wonder why people break the rules when come morning there’s Chinese food. HEY, AT LEAST YOU HAVE FOOD TO EAT.

Great, and heartburn. All goddamn day.

I mean, shit, sorry for standards. I mean, damn, you can ask a lot of people who know or have known me personally- I don’t really have high standards. But I know my fucking limits. Working eight hours and my break falls entirely on the fact that my manager remembers I need a break. I can’t leave until someone comes in after me- and they say to me, hey, at least you got some extra hours on my paycheck.

I know my shitty pros and cons, okay? I’m 25 years old. I know I don’t know everything, but I’m the most knowledgeable about myself. And anyone who doesn’t know exactly how I think and feel, or how I’ve thought and felt, don’t get to say how much I can take. I’ve had a lifetime before meeting people, so cool it.

OMG, on Thursday, I told a customer, I’m fine (and I really thought I said it in a cheerful way! I need to hear my voice recorded…) and she was like, ‘Oh, bad day?’ Me: *laughlaughlaugh* More like a bad month *laughlaughlaugh*

Her: Well, it’ll get better, don’t let the little things weigh you down.

Little things like a vandalism charge that really shouldn’t exist, being stuck in the deadest city in Tennessee, and being homeless?

But things would get better. At least by June 27th.

June fucking 27th.

Bible, Day 9, And there are no atheists in fox holes, as they say

Job 15:1-18:21

Summary: The back-and-forth continues. I was hoping they would have gotten to the point by now. Alas, we’re walking through the murkiest mud just to end up how we all know it would end. Of course, many people say it’s the journey which counts (I have always disagreed with this sentiment, along with ones like “it’s the small things that matter” or “money can’t buy you happiness”). Here are some fun bits I actually enjoyed reading.

Job 15:1-19 – So Eliphaz tells ol’ buddy Job that the words of the forefathers and wise men and et cetera wouldn’t say useless things or give bad advice. And while we should always honor the old guy in a place where men die young, sometimes things change or things are currently better understood or the situation at hand is completely different from whatever the old-timers have faced in the past, and sometimes the ‘advice’ of the old-timers comes out to be complete bullshit said from people who didn’t truly understand all the points of view. (You know some of the people who put ‘colored’ and ‘whites’ signs on their restaurants or the people who dragged black people to the forest to hang them, some of them are still alive, and some of them had children who are certainly still alive- do you think they didn’t pass down some awful ‘advice’? )

Job 15:18 –  So everyone suffers, or just wicked men? I’m not sure. The -Ites are try their hand in saying that things will be well for him if he would just be a good little Christian (and wait, I suppose), but Job is having NONE of it. All his life he’s had not to fight, but he’s been a good boy and he doesn’t want to be tortured if he was good. Then the -Ites dare to say that Job shouldn’t rise against God or complain about his treatment because only bad men do that and as long as he is pure and righteous thing will be alright for him. He’s just gotta wait until the bet is over.

No, seriously, I have no idea how this ends but I believe this should have been over a long time ago.

A regular person would have stopped this a long time ago- probably after seeing the servants all with slit throats, or maybe after killing a bunch of kids. Again, is God eating popcorn and watching all this unfold, watching as Job gets angry at himself and his situation, and watching the -Ites speak on His behalf although this was all a twisted little game between him and Satan so that these chapters, this book could be written in the Bible and shown to other people who have bad things happen to them.

But this shows me, things can always get worse and worse and worse, and then you can even die- but at least you’ll be in heaven. You suffered for nothing, but God, the shoddy psychopath, is pleased.