Tag Archives: life

People at my Workplace

Dear People of my Workplace, or To Whom it May Concern at my Workplace, or Hey, You, at my Workplace

1: When you remove an extra bag or seven off the turntable, could you take three seconds out of your time to put it/them back on? Instead of passing it to me while I’m scanning your assload of items, saying with a shrug, “They fell  off”?

Aoi Bungaku

The problem: Imagine this being done DOZENS of times a day. That means bags can (and do) amass everywhere around my space. One might think that I should quickly use that one or seven different bags as quickly as possible, but there’s a reason the bags hang on the hooks. It’s friggin’ hard to neatly place items in a loose bag, much less a batch of them.

My solution: Immediately upon seeing a bag floating around, I place it  on the hook. I think this annoys some people for me to stop scanning and do this (or finish doing this when they come up), but they really should try to understand that a pile of bags is not fun to contend with.

2. The phrase “I only work here” means something at my workplace. I’m not going to say it, because it’s rude, but that should be in the back of your mind whenever you ask me, a cashier, out of the blue, “Where is your wooden stakes?” or something similar.

confusion

The problem: I am a person that is part of an entity. Yes, you and my workplace would have me believe that we are one big happy family, but the fact of the matter is that I stay at the register or go to the back for break and lunches. I have the layout and inventory knowledge of the average person. I don’t know if we sell cookie-flavored peanut butter or where the perennials are exactly located, so don’t expect me to have an answer.

My solution: I offer to call a manager. This usually has the customer saying never mind, or getting profoundly irritated, where I would still call a manager. Still, managers have this awful habit of actually doing things for you instead of telling me how to do it. So things that I have asked to learn (like, what number do I call to contact a department), I still don’t know how to do. And since it’s all about being on a register and off, there isn’t really opportunity to sit out and be taught.

3. Are you really going to nevermind this load of items? Are you seriously going to leave them here?

anger

 

The problem: Imagine this happening WITH EVERY CUSTOMER. I cannot leave my spot to put it away, so for at most two hours, these tomatoes or this doll or this fucking watermelon will be in my way. THANKS. And if you nevermind more than four items, I HATE YOUR GUTS. When we go on break or lunch, we have to put away these items, so this could cut in to our resting time.

My solution: I don’t have a real solution to this, but some good deterrents: Sometimes coworkers come around and take the stuff away, which is nice- I don’t know how they do it, but they do; I have a face that hides nothing, and sometimes that guilts people into putting back this or that (not often); I’ve noticed people putting things in random places, so long as they don’t add to the mess at my spot; sometimes I’m able to convince them to keep the item.

4. NO YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE YOUR BUGGY THERE. YOU’RE ABOUT TO LEAVE OUT A DOOR WITH A WALL FULL OF BUGGIES. IF YOU LEAVE THAT THERE, I WILL HARM YOU BODILY.

you cannot nisekoi

The problem: If you cannot see the problem inherent in this, I feel for you. Apparently a lot of people cannot see the problem of this. Of course I’m not going to say no, but are you seriously asking me that. Is it okay for you to leave your buggy in the middle of the aisle or even off to the side in front of those snacks? While a bunch of people are maneuvering around with their buggies? Are you about to pass a wall full of buggies, where you got your buggy from? You’re literally walking the exact same place its going to go.

My solution: “We prefer if you put them by the doors.” Dumbass. 

5. “I have change” people.

Nisekoi

 

The problem: I admit this is really just a pet peeve of mine of rich people problems. Not only do I not want your change, when you actually DON’T have change (e.g. The change is twenty-two cents. To avoid the three quarters and three pennies I’m about to give you, you count out twenty-two from your coinpurse, find out you don’t have enough, so you give me a quarter. I give you three pennies), that’s annoying. You already have a little bag of pennies, what’s a couple extra more? Roll them thangs up in those almost cardboard things. Or better, to avoid change altogether, let me keep the change. We have a charity you can donate to.

The solution: The look on my face is extremely effective in this case. I don’t know why, but it makes people swallow when I stare at them as they attempt to find change. I also use this as an opportunity to put bags on hooks or rearrange the stuff neverminded at my station. That seems to get people even more frustrated and they abort their attempt to get change. I never directly tackle this problem, though.

6. COME CLOSER. You’re the first person in line and the conveyor belt’s not that fast. If there is no conveyor belt (the speedy checkout line), are you really going to make me reach over and get your things?

wine in black butler

The problem: For the regular conveyor belts, people come up to my empty stall and put their groceries on the very end of the conveyor belt, so I have to wait for the belt to bring them to me. The customer cannot take just a few more steps to be nearer my register? Or even when they are behind someone, put the separator bar in between their groceries and the next person’s, and then put their stuff at the end of the conveyor belt. ALL THAT SPACE. Then they look at me up side my head because the current customer’s stuff has stopped the belt, and I have to remove it in order for the next customer’s stuff comes forward. Ten times more annoying is the speedy checkout, where there is no belt, so people put their stuff on the SHINY METAL of the counter and watch me reach for it.

My solution: I usually wait for the conveyor belt, but I have (accidentally) formed this habit of growling whenever I have to, and so the person picks up their stuff and moves it closer. I growl even more deeply at the speedy checkout line, and they sometimes say, “Oh, I forget there’s no belt here.” And I hold my tongue when I really, really, really want to say, Don’t do that with the goddamn belt either!

Well, here I go, back to my part-time job full of fun. If I say, I need the money a millions times, will it fasten to my heart and sway the hatred that fills it to the brim and makes it want to quit? I seriously want to quit because I don’t like it. And, of course, sometimes you do what you don’t want to do. 32 hours a week. I have to ride the bus though, so I often wake up and spend the entire day doing what I don’t want to do.

For money. I need the money. I need the money. I need the money.

Sincerely,

Shinashi

P.S. I cannot pretend to enjoy your company. Sorry about that.

 

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Twelve Things We Need to Stop Saying (that we say all the time)…

and What We Should Say Instead”

(Pretty long post, maybe you should bookmark this? *conceited*)

Though no one may even see this, I believe that this is pretty important to get off my chest before I let go of it just because I don’t think anyone will ever see this. (Sword Art Online review, Links page, K Project review… Eh, wait just a little longer)

We tend to say a lot of shitty things, and these words don’t always come from times when we are acting like shitty people, or, in the case of some, acting like our shitty selves. For you latter folks, I presume my words of wisdom will go in one ear and and out your ass.

These are phrases that I endeavor not to speak, for various reasons on which I will elucidate, especially to 1) children and 2) people I don’t know. These are phrases that I hear all over the internet, home, school, eating at nice restaurants, chilling with friends, or dancing at clubs. Yes, they are that common.

Some of you assholes will imagine me too sensitive or ultra PC (dingdingding), and I will imagine that I probably won’t be able to have a decent conversation with you anyway. But most of you guys are decent, and will think. You may not agree but I’m sure once you read my reasoning, you’ll understand and think before you speak next time. Here’s a list I think you should think about

  1. Such-and-such is overrated
  2. We take such-and-such for granted
  3. You’re too young to understand.
  4. Too sensitive/PC
  5. Today’s -fill in the blank- sucks
  6. Kids can’t be kids
  7. What is the world coming to?
  8. That’s life/Life’s not fair
  9. Ignore them, they’ll stop/If you don’t act like you mind, they’ll stop
  10. He just likes you/They’re just jealous of you
  11. Just saying
  12. It’s my opinion

1) Such-and-such is overrated.

I’m proud to say that I’ve probably said this four or five times my entire life. I’m also happy to say that this phrase is losing its juice because of its overuse by the hated hipster, and some people will do anything not to be seen as a hipster.

Still, before the word hipster really became a thing, while I was grade school, I still thought saying something was overrated was pretty dumb. I first realized what it meant when someone used it wrong. A teacher in middle school said Harry Potter was overrated.

“I can’t understand why it’s so popular, just a bunch of kids doing witchcraft. Good versus evil is in any book.”

At that age, I was sensitive to church talk, especially church talk about Harry Potter, since I was ostracized at my church for reading Harry Potter. I was also a very lonely kid (but by no means a loner) who spent most of her time reading. When I came across overrated, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. How would you rate something overly?

When that teacher said it in this instance, I realized a few things: Overrated is mostly used with popular things, generally things that people take time to rate; over was like in overdone; and she was using it wrong (though I’ve hardly heard/read it used correctly).

What made me know it was wrong was her second and third phrases, which tends to ruin any statement on anything overrated. First, she gives a specific reason on why Harry Potter is overrated that was complete bias. Though a bias could be a good reason that something is overrated, I’ve never seen when (and I’m open to suggestions). Bias on a overrated statement makes it bitchy, the whining of someone who cannot share the happiness because they don’t enjoy the content. For example, I will never say the movie or book The Notebook is overrated, no matter how someone had raved over it while I skipped the commercials. I don’t like a lot of drama, and I thought the movie was boring, but I could understand why someone would enjoy it. 

And, usually, we all could understand why someone would enjoy anything.

Second, she minimalizes the elements of Harry Potter, which a lot of people do to things they say are overrated. To minimalize is to simplify something to make your statement sound smart/cool/witty because you can’t think of a good bias or a good reason to say something you don’t like is overrated.

Another example would be Twilight in all its forms. If you seen the cool side of the debate between those who are debating, you’ve probably seen “Vampires who glitter? Ugh!” Of course, if you’ve read or seen Twilight, the focusing on glittering is nigh nonexistent.

Oddly enough, real reasons on not to like Twilight come from people who’ve actually read it and were okay with it (Bella is grey goo, Edward’s vampire=monster worry is a very tired cliche, it reads like bad fanfiction sometimes). Still, if someone says these things and calls Twilight overrated, I tend to watch out for bleats.

Also, crazy thought for everyone, Twilight isn’t highly rated as anything but to-know pop culture. Other than preteens who can text faster than they can spell, have you really heard anyone talking about Twilight in a manner that will distill awe like, say, Harry Potter? What I’m saying is, most people know Twilight is mostly drama fodder, sap, and they are okay with it.

What to say instead: Just state your case on why you thought such-and-such is crap, because few things are overrated, or, if it is indeed overrated, please put forward reasoning not steeped completely in a narrow-minded bias.

2) We take such-and-such for granted

You might be thinking, we do take things for granted! Yea, some things we sometimes do take for granted. However, we’ve gone a little crazy about this phrase. Here are some things that make it stupid to say: 1) We’re not really taking it for granted, 2) If we take such-and-such for granted, we take everything granted and the phrase loses potency and becomes useless 3) When it’s used as drama fodder 4) We use it in any situations except for when it really applies (in acts of actually taking things for granted)

For number one, we do this a lot for body parts, and it is usually used in conjunction with number three. Soften us up for people who lose their legs or born without eyes, especially on the news, which perpetuates this craziness.

Let’s put something on display for number one. I was watching some reality show, and the contestants had to fashion wigs for cancer patients who were bald because of chemotherapy. In the one-on-ones, a couple of contestants talked about how people usually take their hair for granted.

Now, I take my hair for granted. I don’t take care of it, but I’m not too worried about it going away. But a majority of people? Do we as a human species, as women, as Americans, as young people, as shut-ins etc. take our hair for granted? Most likely, you shampoo your hair regularly and brush and comb everyday. You worry when it starts falling out or you get a grey hair. You’re probably afraid of permanent damage to your hair and do plenty for its upkeep. Most people don’t take their hair for granted, or any body part. Do you know how many people are afraid of doing cartwheels- yes, cartwheels- for fear of breaking a bone? If you’re one of those people, I doubt you take any part of your body or granted.

Display for number 2- I was watching this bit on Beijing’s terrible pollution (and if you don’t know about it, don’t look it up, it’s pretty depressing) and the newscaster and people she talked to and the Chinese people were talking about how we humans take fresh air for granted. By definition that I delineated before, sure, we take air for granted. But if we take air for granted, we take everything for granted- red blood cells (think about sickle cell carriers!), white blood cells (AIDS!), non-itchy vaginas (women with overactive fighters in her tract), short penises (people are afraid of humongous dicks!)- and so on and so forth. Stop using ‘for granted’ for stupid shit like that.

Try any example above on drama fodder. People say ‘for granted’ to induce feeling that neither the speakers nor the feelers really care about.

Display for number 4- In most of the examples above, I don’t believe using the phrase ‘taking for granted’ is used correctly.The people with the problems wouldn’t care if people weren’t thanking their gods and goodness every second for their eyes and white blood cells. However, people with damaged eyes or AIDS would care or become annoyed if someone was putting in eye-damaging contacts or slathering on eye-crushing make-up, or drugging themselves into sickness or reusing needles.

In those instances, it pretty obvious and important to point out that those people are taking their bodies for granted.

For the Beijing people suffocating at their jobs, probably seeing on TV people being able to breathe even in the densest part of their cities is enough for ire.

What to say instead: Explain why something is important without the guilt trip or pity party.

3) You’re too young to understand

I’ve said this to younger people, cousins and brothers and sisters. I’ve come to realize that this is a shitty excuse for just about anyone who can understand the words for just about any situation.

First of all, remember the times this phrased was used. How many times did the speaker (or you) just feel too wigged out to explain? Something you didn’t understand fully yourself?

This is a dismissive phrase. It’s arrogant. If you turn this around, you would be saying, “The only reason I understand this is because I’m this age.” If you truly think that is correct in that instance, good for you! Most likely, though, the real reason you understand something is because you’ve experienced it. And you say ‘you’re too young’ so that cousin Billy doesn’t experience what you have already experienced.

The biggest example is when we try to explain relationships or sex to younger people. They ask, “Why do adults kiss like that?”

I would be rich for every time the adult answers, “You’re too young to understand,” with their condescending laughs and maybe a good pat on the head.

You might be thinking, well, they wouldn’t understand!

You really think that your five-year-old wouldn’t understand “It feels good”? We could even give more descriptive examples along those same lines.

A kid shouldn’t be learning things like that!

And that above is why this phrase is terrible. We like to make kids feel weak and stupid, which is how I believe they can grow up to be independence-seeking, privacy-mongering, authority-rebelling little assholes, because we say stupid things like they are too young to understand things to dismiss them from experience things too quickly.

Another example: My parents talked to me in detail about masturbation when I asked them about it. My mom told me not to do it because of sins and all that (but my dad made it clear that everyone does it and not feel too bad about it- times when I realized my dad wasn’t always an asshole) . Thing is, my older-by-three years brother and year-younger sister asked the same question around the same year I did. Guess what Ma and Pa said?

I confronted Ma after younger sister asked. She thanked me for not spilling the beans, and I questioned her.

“Your sister wouldn’t understand, she’s… not like you.”

Ma was particular about not calling me smarter or better than the other five because that caused bad blood, but I knew what she meant in my own childlike way. I now realize that she trusted me not to masturbate whenever the mood struck me (and it wasn’t until ninth grade until I got the hang of it), I wouldn’t go too crazy about experiencing it myself. (A lot of good that did for my sister though)

What to say instead: From 3 to about 11, do some changing of subjects, or say that you don’t want to talk about it, or explain why they don’t need to know at the moment (where they should instead focus their thoughts). 12 to 1, st4op being a jackass and explain. 15 and up, what the hell are you doing?

4) You’re/The World is too sensitive, politically correct

This wouldn’t bug me so much if people wouldn’t say this in defense of, say, referring to women as bitches or homosexuals as fags or putting out racist shit, which is usually the case when people call others sensitive or too politically correct. Not much here int this section either.

Ugh....
Ugh….

I know very few people in my life who are ‘too sensitive’. I know them well, that they are too damn sensitive- it’s obvious after spending a day or two with them. But if a bunch of random people get together to protest something singular with one protest in mind, you might want to rethink your bitchpress about people being sensitive or PC.

Another thing is that when people say these things they are ultimately aware why the topic is controversial. Saying someone is sensitive or PC covers their asses so that they can feel better about their foolishness. Even better, it fools the speaker into thinking the other person is foolish.

Come on, give me an example where PC would be too PC. It’s hard isn’t it? If you’re a decent person, you know it would be hard to come up with an example while at the same time not coming off as an asshole.

What to say instead: Unfortunately, I can’t think of something nicer that one can say without sounding arrogant or idiotic. If you don’t find anything wrong with the shirt above, you’re probably less of a decent person than you think.

5) Today’s such-and-such sucks

Fortunately, again, much of this saying is falling in the way of the hipster; and it goes hand-in-hand with overrated sometimes.

Still, I see too much of it outside of the self-strokefest circles that are hipster gatherings. Two types of people should never say this phrase almost 99% of the time they want to say it: people over…hmmm… 35, and people under 21. The older people because you just come off as old-fashioned, which is probably the case. You want to go back to the days of mostly manual cars? Uh, sure, go ahead and have all your gears and all the power over your car so that you can feel superior as you go do your grocery shopping at Walmart. Tired of supernatural romances? Go back to your realistic…. fictional… romances.

Hate today’s pop music? (Come on, you were waiting for it) Think it has no substance? Go listen to Elvis Presley.

No, really.

Have you listened to Elvis? Maudlin love songs and dance jingles a lot of them. Plus, he sold his looks and sexuality, just like every other pop star today. I like Lady Gaga more than Elvis (and I love all of Elvis’ best hits, I think he was sexy during his sexy years, his voice is drool-inducing) but Gaga is clever and outrageous in a way Elvis wasn’t.

What I’m getting at is that today’s such-and-such probably hasn’t changed much, and people need to be fucking aware of their biases!

’90s kids that are so nostalgic about your childhood, shut the fuck up. Do you know how many cartoons and shows failed? Do you know how many ’80s shows are still playing on Boomerang? Why can’t you understand that it isn’t that today’s shows such, but that you overglorify or over-romanticize (would overrate be good here? I think I have a stigma against it…) your time, and ignore the glories of this generation? Did you know that Spongebob has lasted longer than Rugrats? like Spongebob more than Rugrats. Though Rugrats is cute, I probably wouldn’t watch it again, or Powerpuff girls, and a couple other shows ’90s freaks captured for themselves like lost Pokemon of old.

90s kids

Now, will I watch Adventure Time or Spongebob or Young Justice twenty years from now? Probably.

If you give me good reason to dislike such-and-such of today, instead of whining about your lost days of old, fantastic! Example, cartoons today are too adult. I’m not a fan of kids being left in the dark until they hit a wall, because they often make statistic teenagers, which so many people stereotype and hate anyway. Still,  I understand the sentiment.

What to say instead: Admit you don’t like something, just say it. Better yet, give good reasons. They are out there!

6) Kids can’t be kids

I think you’ve gotten the point of leaving your kids dumb, then complaining when they are dumb/have no common sense, become asshole teenagers.

I would feel better about this if it wasn’t 80% of the time talking about kids being homosexual or learning about evolution or some such thing. Of course, I could stop reading comments on controversial topics about education and parenting, but that’ll be just silly. 

Saying, “How would a boy know he likes boys at that age? He doesn’t know what he wants. Why can’t kids be kids?”

Now, will this person admit that he was ever bi-curious? Probably not. People who use this phrase don’t want their kids to explore, they want them shoved in a box until the adults are ready to mold them into perfect little puppets.

However, the other twenty percent goes to people talking about how we’re taking away extracurricular activities and liberal arts from the classrooms, though I feel that that has less to do with kids being kids than letting humans have an outlet on a rough life.

What to say instead: Be honest about your boxing until your puppet strings are properly wired

7) What is the world coming to?

Reasons why this phrase sucks: 1) The person saying this probably doesn’t have that bad of a world 2) People don’t know history or purposely puts it to the back of their minds 3) The phrase makes something truly horrible more about themselves.

I’ve never heard- in real life or television or even video games- where this phrase makes sense. For number one, I’ve heard so many older people say this and I’m just like, what are you talking about? When you go home, you’re going to watch the shows you have on DVR, eat a few snacks until dinner- which you might order out, have a soda with your dinner, and watch TV for the rest of the day. What part of your world is going in a direction you weren’t aware of?

For number two, my husband Steven Pinker would have more to say, and more articulately. In a nutshell, the world, and your life can be so, so, so much worse. Gays in the military and Boy Scouts will never touch the castration of male enemies. The crime (bad of course) in cities will never reach the genocidal wars of America’s early years. AIDS (though terrible surely) will never reach the disastrous child mortality rates of even the beginning of the last century. So think about your history and how you have descended from people who didn’t have running water, okay? Or how you can put frozen water in your slightly cold water while people die of thirst halfway across the world.

For three, this is just another jab at the paranoid freaks who think the world is just so much worse than something they don’t think about. They can’t really feel for the uprisings in Egypt or the school massacres, but they subconsciously know that they like to be a part of the society they’re in, and society in general cares about uprisings and school massacres- “What is the world coming to?”

About video games: I was playing Skyrim and passed a guard who talked about how vampires were attacking in the daylight and dragons were attack- “What is the world coming to?” he said.

Here I am, running through the village selling junk so that I can buy health potions so that when I fight vampires and dragons I don’t die. This guy had it much easier defending the village! Furthermore, from the beginning of the game, before I fought my first vampire or dragon, I was taking down those damn bears and whacking away mudcrabs and running from giants and bandit fortresses- Dude, your place is a shitastic place to live. Still, things are hard for guys like him. They just need to top complaining about it all the time.

What to say instead: Talk about how horrible the things are and leave it at that. Don’t make yourself look foolish with crap about a worse and worse world that doesn’t affect you.

8) That’s life/Life isn’t fair

Saying this to yourself (which you and nearly everyone else probably doesn’t) is cool, puts things into perspective. Saying this to someone else just makes you a fucking jerk.

Sorry, projecting.

Ma and Pa said this shit all the time- more on that later.

The first and second time this really burned was when I was eating more than I could handle at a restaurant at Johns Hopkins, first year. I was forcing myself to eat the rest and when one of my friends asked why I was forcing myself to eat, I said what I’ve always been told and what I’ve always felt was a good thing to have in the back of my mind when I was being greedy or wasteful or taking things for granted: “There are starving kids in Africa.”

I was under the impression that that was something innate. You did your best on things because others would die for that chance, and all that. What my friend said will forever just… haunt me.

“Well, that’s life. No need to force yourself to eat over it.”

That’s life? THAT’S LIFE? 

You hear ‘starving kids in Africa’ and you say, that’s life? It’s okay to waste food because you can’t feed the starving kids and the kids are starving because that’s life.

On a less serious, projecting note. Computer crashed and someone lost three essays they was working on- what makes anyone think that saying, “That’s life!” would do anything but irritate the person further?

Projection: Roundabout three years after restaurant. Talking about The Walking Dead with same friend, and how irritating that they kept turning away people, and I told friend that I felt that turning them away was the same as killing them. She didn’t think so and asked me an analogy: Is not feeding the kids in Africa the same as starving them. I immediately said yes, and I will not make any excuses for it, not for myself anyway.

She continues to voice her opinions and I explain my reasoning: that how we are not helping them- how we are ignoring them- is no better and identical to killing them. Because we could help them, but we let them suffer anyway. If I was in their position, I would want someone to help me, and it isn’t fair.

“Well, life isn’t fair.”

99.9999%, the person you’re speaking to knows that life isn’t fair AND has heard this almost as many times as you have- it’s pointless, dismissive, idiotic, rude, and unsympathetic- so if you’re trying to win all those awards, fire away. Otherwise, proceed to bottom of this part.

Projection: “Hey, [sister] got away with this when she did it. Why am I getting punished? That’s not fair!”

“Life’s not fair.”

Get ready for the asshole who’s going to hate your guts and you will have to bend over backwards to teach them anything.

Projection: “Hey, [brother] did it. Why do we all have to get punished? That’s not fair!”

“Life’s not fair.”

General fuckery ensues (talk about bad blood!).

This one really hits close to home on a lot of different levels, but I want these things to be universal.

What to say instead: Say something that will alleviate the situation. “That fucking sucks” or “Here’s some ice-cream” works a lot better than some lousy adage about life. 

9) Ignore them, they’ll stop/If you act like you don’t mind, they’ll stop

Dear sister recommended this and I decided to add it, because I loathed this as a child  and I’m sure my sister loathes it now.

It’s pretty simple, and you have to be a real ignorant jackass to not see the problem with this. Yet, lovely, decent people say this entirely too much- and they know it’s crap, and they are working on doing something for their child/the child or whoever is in trouble. This is a deflection; this is evasion.

Because if you ignore them/act like you don’t mind, shit gets worse. Sometimes, maybe, they’ll back off. Most likely these assholes have found somebody new. But if you stay the sole big kid, dark skinned, girl with hair on her neck, snores when she sleeps, writes in her diary, eats alone-  they have you pegged. Of course they’ll get bored, but why should this child or anyone else endure a week, a month, a semester of bullying? That’s life? I don’t think so, moron

It’s also victim-blaming. Somehow, the bullied is at fault for being bullied. This is sometimes the case- you should take your baths. Majorly, the bullies are asses who love to feel superior.

Saying this to a kid will be lying. Kid will get her hopes up, and will feel guilty because she isn’t trying hard enough. Then she realizes that it was a lie and knows that you won’t be someone who can help her. And if you can’t, who, or what, will?

What to say instead: Do something productive instead. Get on those officials about zero-tolerance for bullying that only comes in effect when someone commits suicide and it covers their asses. Do something!

10) He just likes you/They’re just jealous of you

Similar to number nine, except that most people don’t realize these phrases are absolute crap. Seeing as none of those guys, from elementary school up to high school, ever asked me out or wanted to hang out or talk to me- they didn’t like me. Seeing as none of those people share the same joys as me- they aren’t jealous of me.

I once babysat a third-grader who told her mom some boys were teasing her at school. The mom said, “Those boys probably just like you, honey!”

Imagine my disbelief, a decade out of third-grade, and realizing people still said this shit to their kids- not just my aunt to her kids or second cousin to her kids or long-lost half-sister to her kids- random people! These phrases were universal.

The child asked me and I told her to tell a teacher.

“The teacher said the same thing.”

WHAT THE FIDDLY FUCK?!

“I don’t think they like me, though.”

Of course, you’re not going to tell the darlin’ that, though they may not dislike her, they don’t very much like her either, or care about her feelings . But what fucking good does that do?

So I said I would talk to her mother. I flavored up the child’s distress to get the mom on it. Don’t know if she did, but I guilt-tripped her good, if her biting her lower lip was any indication.

What to say instead: Unless your child is has an obvious talent or beauty (that isn’t smarts- unless it’s another academically-oriented bully- no one is going to be jealous of your kid’s smarts, sorry), don’t feed them that trash that people are jealous of them. And that s/he just likes you probably only adheres to preschoolers, okay?

11) Just sayin’ (interchangeable with no offense)

This goes without sayin’. A lot of people say this, and a lot of people have rebutted against people just sayin’ this. If we were to equate the phrase to ‘just letting you know’, which is what I take it to mean most of the time, it’s still stupid to say.

“I don’t really like Mexicans. Just saying.”

This is a shut-up phrase, designed to make you look stupid for taking what they say/write seriously. It’s also pretty effective, but people are using it for the wrong reasons.

Are you going up against a truly sensitive person?

“Man, it’s 3 already?”

“What, you think you’ve spent too much time with me?!”

“Naw… I was just sayin’ it was 3 already.”

Still, this isn’t a totally innocent phrase, but it’s more acceptable than how many people use it. Above, the just sayin’ person is no doubt implying something when he makes his first statement, beyond letting the other guy know- there wouldn’t be ‘man’ or ‘already’ there if it was just a statement of time.

Most of the time, it’s with asshole comments about how ‘well, a lot of blondes are kind of dumb. Just sayin’,’ ‘He has a lot of sex, though. Just sayin’,’ ‘Black people take up the most room in jail, just sayin’.”

What to say instead: Leave out ‘just sayin” and take your verbal assbeating.

12)It’s my opinion

Kind of like eleven, but said more often, included with much viler ‘opinions’, and has a touch of arrogance that really provokes the ire in everyone.

Having your opinion and making it known does not miraculously shield you from your ‘haters’, nor does it make me or anyone shut up from shutting you up. Wuss out from under your opinion if you want to, it helps me realize your opinion isn’t worth anyone’s time, really. I’ll do better next, time, yea?

What to say instead: If you really want to shield attacks (though I doubt it, since you’re on the internet), say that you’re sorry to offend anyone, even if you aren’t. You’ll probably get ignored.

~~~~~~~~~

Have you finished this? Yay! Hope you learned something  today! Tell your friends! Tell your friends with kids! Tell the people you know with kids! Yea!

After “Home” in “The Walking Dead” or I like the Governor! or Survival Sucks!

Alright, so I watch “The Walking Dead”. It’s one of the best shows I’ve watched. I would read the comic but it… doesn’t look very good, art-wise. Shallow, I know. But I’m not going to spend money on art I don’t like.

Anywho, the show is great. It’s especially nice to see Rick have some really bad flaws, seeing as his wife [SPOILER]was[END SPOILER] one of the most flawed characters on the show. Well, not flawed, really, just… annoying. Maggie and her sister aren’t that much better than Lori, Carol’s getting better, and Andrea and Michonne are marriage material, of course.

What I really  liked about this episode was that there was no hang-ups on idiotically selfish choices.  How many times have people chosen to do something terribly selfish for the sake of ‘survival’?

I can understand the whole survival thing, I can. I’ve tasted a drop of it when hungry kids from the neighborhood would come to our house for snacks and my dad would tell them no, going on about survival and his money and all that. And it was acceptable then because those kids would (presumably) get something to eat… eventually.

But if you’re surviving the zombie apocalypse by looting nearby towns what, exactly, does it hurt by letting people in. I can understand not letting in people you don’t trust, but the first time we get a strong case of this was at Herschel’s farm, where, you know, there was little cause for distrust, what with Carl and them looking for Sofia and them helping out with everything. If Herschel really hated Shane at first, that would be perfect, but that wasn’t the case.

If they tried hard enough and wouldn’t turn away everyone, they can get something like Woodbury down.

But, hey, you might say, Woodbury? It’s a terrible place. Wrong! It’s a wonderful place, the best fucking place in what we know of The Walking Dead world. The Governor’s terrible, and the zombie games are terrible, and it would be best if everyone knew how to kill walkers, but if you think hopping ’round town with Michonne or mostly locked up in a jail is better than Woodbury- first of all, you’re lying to yourself, and second, you’re wrong.

Whatever is wrong in your eyes about Woodbury can be corrected by Andrea, and things will be great. If she gets the chance…. I don’t know if it is explained more in the comic, but the governor seems to have been a nice guy before (maybe before Penny died?) and helped all those people…

You see, the whole turning others away or killing others for survival is reasonable in my mind if and only if 1) You think you’re a bad or selfish person and that’s what you want 2) You’re in danger with those other people.

Since Rick’s group isn’t like that, and most of Woodbury’s sheep aren’t like that- they have no reason. For survival? Okay. Think about it, how long will that thinking hold? Killing or turning away people (which, to me, is the same as killing them) isn’t going to have you surviving long. Like, what are you surviving for? When will you start accepting people again? When your kids are half-grown and you’re ailing with old age? Too bad your kids learned to turn away people.

It especially boggled my mind with Tyreese’s group and that kid and man starting on about survival and taking over the jail. I was yelling, “THERE ARE FOUR OF YOU. ONE WOMAN- Just what are you living for? What’s so great about living longer if you that’s all that’s left?”

Oh, but to have Daryl on the show, it is fantastic. It gives me hope. It was pretty romantic (incest is best!) for him to stay with Merle. I was looking forward to him realizing Merle is pretty much an asshole (though this episode has him seeming to realize it as well, and I’m a sucker for leaf-turners) , but I had been hoping that he wouldn’t abandon Merle without a strong push. And he got it this episode. Daryl, who will help people in need without question and without need for compensation, Daryl, who will give his brother a chance, Daryl, who blamed himself for Sofia, Daryl, who mourned Carol, Daryl who knew Rick did right by him and would stand by him. Lovely!

On my brother’s bed with my latest story

I like to write stories (well, I like to do a hell of a lot of things). Um, control + f Writing Block if you want to read about me and writing.. This turned out a lot longer than I intended. 

I also have bipolar disorder (and allergies and asthma and a high risk of stroke without ever smoking cigarettes). 

I went home from school in November. I think I wrote about that, and, if I didn’t, that’s not what I want to write about. I know I wrote about the comics I am reading. I’ve started rereading Tj and Amal after a marathon of recently discovered by moi Manly Men doing Manly Things (It’s absolutely hilarious). For some reason, I got really motivated to write. 

But I’ve been outta school going on three months, and because of constant procrastination and hopelessness and pride and lack of motivation- it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to go back to school at the end of January, which busted whatever healthy mentality I had left. Over these past weeks, I beat four games (Resident Evil Mercenaries, Resident Evil 6, The Walking Dead, and Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance…Hm, pick the one that doesn’t belong!) I was really motivated to beat the last two within the last two weeks because I’ve been sleeping 13 hour days and going into my “catatonic skipping” for most of the other 11. I’m a fucking mess.

Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to care in the least. No one else really does. Well, they’ll care if things become bad (like people do about gun control and rape culture), but most of the time it’s ignored. Not like I’m complaining- if I don’t care, why should anyone else? But it has gotten to a point where I start dwelling on that emo shit that nothing matters in the end and I’m all alone and fuck all what else. 

It’s not helping that my favorite person in the whole world (my brother) seems to have… We’ve kind of distance ourselves from each other. I’ve tried keeping up conversations with him- calling, texting, messaging on Facebook… But we’ve regressed to funny gifs passed between each other and lols. I have my pride, as I’ve said, and I don’t want to come across needy and desperate. My brother has my (what the hell- I meant his. Why did I put ‘my’?) own life to live. But to know that a relationship more precious than air can be rendered so makes me horribly bleak about the future. 

It doesn’t help that my other brother is on some fucking shtick. When I was at school, he and my father got in a fight. My brother was talking about killing himself at his school, and he was sent to a mental hospital and my dad was sent to jail for a week. That was in October. At first, I was all on my bro’s side because I was like- I understand some of your pain. I forgot how much of a little shit he is. He’s milking his situation for all it’s worth: threatening to call the police whenever Pops says boo shit to him, claiming to want to kill himself whenever he is forced to do homework or go to school or fucking apologize for some awful crap he says, and posting Facebook statuses threatening any and all who disagree with him. It’s gotten to a point where I honestly don’t even fucking like him anymore. And he’s such a shallow idiot, if he ever came across this and realized this was his sister, he’ll just be all tl;dr.

It doesn’t help that though my dad is getting the short end of the stick in the above situation, the man is still a gigantic asshole, and my bro’s behavior is his and Mama’s fault. All six of us kids have been telling our parents (since we eldest were in freakin’ elementary school) that they were spoiling him. When my dear brother and I were in high school, and my sister Statistic became such, we were afraid our youngest brother was going to turn out the same way, and we warned our parents. Dad continued to ignore us and Mama was forever like, “You were the same way when you were his age.” Now, it’s come to bite them in the ass. First of all, Mom can never say that shit to me again. When I was younger, and youngest idiot was in elementary school, I still was offended that my mother dare compare me to the likes of my younger brother- because he was a brat compared to me (I used to say that too, and she would say, “You’re a brat, too”). Those middle school years, I would remember when my dad would punch me or slap me or scream at me or call me “fucking stupid” or call me my brother’s slave or a little bitch or fight my brother. I remember in Kindergarten when I put on my favorite shirt and my dad hit me with the metal side of the belt because he was tired of it. I remember being smacked in the eye for choking on a piece of ice. I remember being hit in the stomach because I couldn’t hold my vomit when I got carsick. Yet, when I had told my parents that little bro yet again didn’t do his chores, and I did them for him so that everyone could be fine, I was the rebellious brat. 

Now that my bro is sixteen, I don’t really have to go back to that crap. When I was sixteen, I first chair in band, the only girl on the wrestling team, one of seven members of a high school chapter of a local sorority, making straight A’s, doing all the chores myself to keep a bunch of assholes happy. My bro is practically failing and hasn’t bathed in four days. 

To make me an even more terrible person (this is not sarcasm), I’m kind of glad this all happened. The assholes deserve each other. 

This whole experience hasn’t humbled my father in the least. We were playing Say Anything  (a tiny bit like Apples to Apples) and he was angry that the questions were unfair to people who didn’t know the ‘picker’ well. I.E. his wife and children. I argued that’s part of the game, and he came across so condescending and insulting, I made no efforts to make peace with him. Last night, my sister was finishing up The Walking Dead. She took a break and my dad came down from his room, thinking we were going to play something  more violent (we do play a lot of violent games. I convinced him to look at something so wonderful because The Walking Dead has a titillating amount of substance. Should have known he would ruin it… When the break was longer than he wanted- about seven minutes- he told me to play. I told him that she would miss the game. It was only after a bit of back and forth that I realized that my father hasn’t realized that the game industry has progressed beyond rather pointless coin-grabbing and dot-collecting. When I was trying to explain he suddenly got up and yelled, “Whatever, ya’ll are freakin’ pathetic” and left back to his room.

I told my mom to tell him not to call me pathetic anymore. She pats me on the goddamn arm and says something along the lines of “You know how he acts sometimes” and I told her to just make sure he doesn’t call me that anymore. Especially over something so stupid. Especially because he didn’t understand, and lashed out at me. 

Gee, I wonder why youngest bro has no sense of responsibility and ownership over the consequences of his actions. 

It doesn’t help (along those same lines) that my sister Statistic (the one with the new love of my life- my dear niece) gets drunk and/or high nearly every night, sexes up some guy on the internet nearly every night, complains about her ‘haters’ nearly every hour, and entertains/fantasizes about the thought of sending my niece to her father in New York for about a year. The guy who she couldn’t get to pay child support and so she has reaction formation about it- she made a Facebook video today to all the ‘bitches’ who try to make their ‘baby daddies’ pay child support. The guy who grabbed his daughter by the leg and shook her to make her stop crying. The guy who is a thousand of dollars in debt because he spent more on material to make Spice even as his child went hungry. The guy who made his daughter TERRIFIED of black men unless they grovel FOR WEEKS (or they always come by with candies and technology- i.e. my brother). 

Why does she entertain this idea, you may ask? She’s tired of ‘never doing anything she wants to do’ and ‘taking care of [niece]’. Mind you all her recreational activities. And let’s add her club-going and sneaking out the house- twenty fucking years old. Let’s add the fights she get into with her ‘haters’. The fights she talks about over and over and over and over to all her boy-friends. 

And whenever she gets a job- SHE’S HAD SO FREAKIN’ MANY- LIKE SEVEN OR EIGHT SINCE BEING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry for the caps… Not like anyone is still reading…. Well, she gets high or drunk or pissed and ends up getting fired. She always talks about joining the military. Gets a go about it for a week, two at most, and goes back to the usual stuff. It’s gotten to the point where no one thinks she’ll stick with anything… Kind of like when she started what my parents thought would be her rebellious phase, and was lying constantly so no one believed anything she says (still don’t). 

I’m not upset with her doing stupid shit. I do it enough as well. What I can’t stand is how she can’t own up to it- just like Pops and lil bro.Nothing is ever their fault and even when it obviously is, there’s something indefatigably stupid about you for pointing it out. 

It doesn’t help that my niece is her daughter. 

It doesn’t help that the other sister is on her way to becoming like me, socially wise. Things are probably going to be better for her though. She’s Christian, straight, pretty ‘girly’ in all its stereotypical connotations and concerned with things like popularity and such like that. When I asked her to help me write a Christmas card to a dying kid, she told me such kind of things make her jealous. “Over the cancer kid?” I had asked. She replied that was so. I told her that was bad. She simply shrugged and continued watching Netflix. She is the sibling I most connect to (because of anime, lack of self-esteem and certain books) but something changed then that made me lose all hope for a few days, and now makes my heart heavy. She’s overweight and has extremely high blood pressure, so that hurts her esteem. But she’s cute and funny, while I’m a hairy, bipolar, ugly bitch. 

Ewzers. 

It doesn’t help that my last brother is amazing, but because of age difference and personality differences we never really bonded as I did with my older brother, and now so far in our lives (like it’s sooooo far, haha) I don’t want to get close to him because I don’t want to be separated. 

But from my Writing Block, of which I intended to write and got way sidetracked, and making myself happier with comics, I opened up a story that I hadn’t updated, though I was so excited to share… I opened it up and anxiety welled up inside me. 

YOU CAN’T EVEN STAY IN SCHOOL! YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO FINISH THIS?

YOU’VE NEVER HAD A LOVER!

YOUR BROTHER DOESN’T CARE FOR YOU ANYMORE- HE HAS [HIM].

ISN’T THAT YOUR FIFTH DR. PEPPER?

YOUR FEET ARE CRACKED AND BLEEDING FROM SKIPPING- YOU’RE A LUNATIC.

YOU’RE STILL FANTASIZING ABOUT SOME DEUS EX MACHINA TO SAVE YOUR LIFE- HOW PATHETIC!

YOUR MONEY IS ALL GONE BECAUSE YOU SPEND IT TO FILL THAT VOID IN YOUR LIFE- THAT VOID THAT IS GOING TO GET BIGGER AND BIGGER AND BIGGER!

LOOK AT YOU, CRYING OUT FOR HELP- BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU. YOU’RE GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. EVERYONE KNOWS IT. 

YOUR FAMILY IS GOING TO GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE- YOUR MOM IS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER ANEURYSM. POPS IS GOING TO DIE OF CANCER AND YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL AWFUL. 

CHARLIE’S GOING TO BE LIKE [STATISTIC] OR END UP DEAD FROM NEGLECT. 

YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. 

YOU’RE BIPOLAR AND YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. 

*cue shutting down computer music*

But what about the porn?

It is nearly half past five in the morning and I am writing a post on WordPress because it is something I’ve been meaning to do. I’ve also been putting off porn and masturbation because I like to think of yaoi sex before going to sleep, and it is nearly impossible for me to do that after an orgasm. But it is also nearly impossible in daylight, so I need to make this quick… One day I will figure out the orgasm and daylight thing, but not today!

I’m reading several webcomics right now. Most of them are yaoi/malexmale/gay or at least lgbtq related. The Kingfisher is the most surprising- well, after Ship Jumper. But I don’t take Ship Jumper too seriously. It’s pretty ugly to me, but it’s a bit funny and really gay with the main character, so, *shrug*. Anywho, I’ve been avoiding The Kingfisher because the art was real ugly to me, too, but I knew- I knew – it would grow on me.

And, god, did it! I’ll freakin’ buy that shit! The art is still creepy as all get out, but I love it… I love it so much. It’s hilarious. And it has this fun versus evil side of vampires and ghouls and witches and the like that I just love about modern supernatural works!

Ship Jumper I wouldn’t buy. It’s cute- ’bout this young man, his captain, and the enemy captain being marooned on an island. Young man and enemy captain end up together. It’s pure smut, but hey.

Then there’s TJ and Amal. You see, I’ve been trying to close myself off from liking too many things- things take up time. Time away from schoolwork.

By the way, I shirked this semester because I’m an utter failure. About a month out of school, and I have not the slightest inclination to go back. Isn’t that awful? But I have to continue with my life and get a job and money and… live.

Back to things for a moment- I used to only really like fighting games. Then Japanese rpgs. Now, I’ve progressed to wanting Far Cry 3 and Assassins’ Creed 3 for Christmas. I also have been playing Dance Central 3 for a straight week-and-a-half. I was only meant for passing games. And drawing! I was meant for doodles, not buying artbooks! And reading! I was meant for manporn, not Bible-long epics! And movies! Action and comedy! Well… That’s still pretty much the same… Still, I love too many things… Anime and tv! Comedy! Now I’ll watch anything!

Anyway, TJ and Amal is fuckin’ magic. Magic, I tell you. All that real emotional shiznit I always want, hot  sex that I want sometimes, humor I want most times, and that realism that sometimes hits too close to home but I can totally handle it now. Tj and Amal has this guy- mysterious TJ who seems to be running away from something sketchy- and Amal who’s been disowned by his father after coming out- well these two guys take a road trip to somewhere more free, in different ways for them. Lovely.

Next, The Prince of Cats has this guy Lee, who’s gay and is in love with his best friend, and Frank, also gay. High School Drama stuff that’s really cute. Something to tone down from Tj and Amal or The Kingfisher or tone up from Ship Jumper. Thing is, Lee talks to cats and they talk back and I want to know what that’s all about.

Feral Gentry. Male fairy meets more of his kind. It looks cute, though not really gay. Oh, it is animated sometimes- that’s what’s got me hooked!

I also checked for the new pages of The Young Protectors, Teahouse, StarfighterPurpurea Noxa, Oglaf, The Spectre, Lackadaisy, and Cheap Thrills, though the last three haven’t updated this week.

Lastly (as if this is so very organized), Skyrim’s latest DLC, Dragonborn, is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Dawnguard. Like, seriously, this could be a whole new game. I’ve been in Solstheim for the last nine days whenever I play Skyrim. Very much worth the dollars I put into it.

 

At Home

After quite a battle back and forth between depression and mania, I find myself having withdrawn from all my classes and at home, having just put the baby to sleep. I have not an ounce of work to worry about, but the bed bugs and lack of food has me worried. I have my games, and writing, and books- but a piece of me dies, or at least hibernates, whenever I’m not at school.

I feel like a failure. A complete and utter failure of all things. I’ve been playing a lot of games and reading, but what I really want is recognition on my writing. Well, not recognition per se, more like constructive criticism. I wonder if I wrote in detail just how much I really think about all my stories, would people be more interested, or will someone suggest I go back to the psyche ward?

Anyway, I’m rewriting a Maléan Demon and have added a new chapter to Maléan Cages. I have urges to complete a couple of short stories in the work, but I am feeling more along the lines that everything is for naught, i.e. depressed. I hate feeling this way, but what else am I to do? There’s few out that have the time or patience or interest… and if they did, they wouldn’t spend such precious materials on me

http://original.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600105706&chapter=6

http://aarinfantasy.com/forum/fiction/showentry.php?e=109123&catid=10

Yea… Yea, that’s still fun.

At a table in Levering

Yet again, I am compelled to write while trying to do homework for my philosophy class, The Value of Humanity.

“Not valuableness nor goodness. Pleasantness

They disagree about whether other things besides pleasure have the property of goodness, but goodness is not reason-giving. Well, I do it because it feels good.  You might find it intrinsically good, but what you find intrinsically good that I do all the time is what I find pleasurable all the time. You might think that my cleaning the street as a good thing, and that I do it because it is good, but I do it because it feels good. I’ve also pulled worms apart for the exact same reason. “