Tag Archives: Book of Genesis

Bible, Day 27

Genesis 37:1-39:23

Summary: Joseph, King of Dreams.

37:2- “This is the account of Jacob”, but this is clearly the account of Joseph. I suppose this is a misprint….ABZ says further that this is the account of the descendants of  Jacob, which is probably what is meant when one says account of.

Not trying to downplay what the brothers-minus-Reuben did, selling his brother for a few pieces of silver and managing to trick Jacob/Israel by putting some blood on the robe, although Jacob/Israel made sure to note that the brothers were jealous of Joseph….Besides allll that, can people not make it so blaringly obvious that they like some people over the others. Jacob/Israel gave him a beautiful robe for that express purpose

Also, what happened to what happened with Dinah and Schechem? Didn’t that cause trouble of any nature???

38– What I got from this chapter is that women want to be married off and have children, and that’s very much acceptable. BUT 9-10, THIS was wicked? And the offspring won’t be his- when has that ever stopped anyone in the Bible? And how was he ‘put to death’, and the other brother?

:24 – He was going to burn his daughter-in-law for being a prostitute but he sought the services of a prostitute in the first place. Ain’t that a bag of nastiness. And since she had sons, their births were accurately reported. Or maybe because she was of a different religion than the prostitutes in the area (there were shrine prostitutes for a different kind of goddess in the area)

39 – So God influences everything that Joseph put his hands on. And so he has the power to directly influence things, and when we converse of the Dilemma of Evil for religion’s take of God’s omnibenevolence, it is said that God’s plans are unfathomable when in fact things are extremely fathomable!

And Joseph seems to be a saint, ‘cuz it sounds like he’s working hard and takin’ everythin’ in stride

Bible, Day 25, People be forgettin’

Genesis 31:1-32:32

Summary: The story of Jacob leaving Laban and Jacob returning to his brother Esau and everything makes me question this God-of-the-Bible. I better read in Revelations or Peter why God gives the world the silent treatment.

31:3– He SAID TO JACOB. We know for certain this nigga ain’t perfect so why is God gabbing away and popping up in this dude’s dreams all his life but is now utterly silent? Questions!

:7 – Changed wages ten times? Like, lower wages? Higher wages?

:8 – Okay, so ABZ says not to doubt this dream of Jacob because it was verified elsewhere but we know how people can get around revelations and premonitions, but beyond that- We’ve read with 30:37-43 that Jacob SPECIFICALLY influenced the outcome of the sheep’s physiology with the branches from “poplar, almond and plane trees“…. sooooo how is Jake gonna say that God influenced the outcome, making all the young speckled because Jake wanted specks, and making all the young streaked because Jake wanted the streaks? Are we just going to ignore that?

:19- “When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father’s household gods.” Gods! Are there other gods? Are other religions okay? Why did Rachel take those? From verses 14-16, it seems both Leah and Rachel believe in Jacob’s god (and, indeed, there seems to be a poignant effort to point out whose god is whom’s)

:24- “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” Sooooo, basically, God wants Laban to leave or speak through a mediator? ABZ clarifed- “Be careful that you do not speak from good to bad”, Gooootcha. Why are they different???

:38– It’s not hard to believe that Jacob was ill-treated (more often than what was said before) while with Laban, but then Laban can’t find his gods (I guess wooden or stone idols), but Rachel DID steal them. How have people who’ve read this ever learned to trust or really, truly believe another person when things can be hidden like this? Also, ABZ explained further why the idols were important, and not because they were gods (of course) but because those who had possession of the idols can claim Laban’s inheritance, so the idols work as a blessing or heirloom or will of sorts.

:53- ABZ puts, as extra, thusly “Jacob swore only by [the one true God] the Dread and Fear of  his father Isaac, while Laban swore by some other things. I guess holy wars weren’t a thing here? Or maybe it was because they were relatives? I wonder.

32:32– Principle of the matter I guess, but it doesn’t seem as if anyone asked them to do this.

back to 32:24-32– So Jacob-turned-Israel wrestled with God and God lost (?????). And God can make himself into the shape of a man and talk to people? And he uses this power to wrestle Jacob and knock his hip socket out of place so that Israelites would put hip socket tendons on the non-Kosher list? So damn random!

Bible, Day 23, and Jacob Deceives Isaac! Didn’t see that coming.

J/K I did. Jacob means ‘he deceives’

Genesis 27:1-28:9

Summary: Jacob deceives poor Isaac when he’s old.

27 – Can’t he tell the difference between their voices? This is a ridiculous story. And what about Rebekah’s part in this plot? Well, I guess putting the blame squarely on the shoulders who did it is commendable, and Jacob did take Esau’s birthright, so it’s not like he didn’t want to take from Esau what was his, but your mother saying she’ll help you trick the dad does put some blame on said mother.

Can the blessing be passed on to only one kid? Why are we lording one kid over the other kids? Especially fucking twins? Do you want them to kill each other?

39 – Awesome blessing, Isaac. What is wrong with these people? Why didn’t he memorize two blessings?

45 – What’s up with these people and forgetting? I would never forget that my brother took a blessing reaching me and my wive s and my children and my children’s children for himself, and I get a shitty off-the-cuff blessing.

28:2 – Marry one of your cousins, Jacob. 8-9 Abraham son’s Ishmael who had a daughter named Mahalath married Esau. Abraham had Isaac and Ishmael. Mahalath is Esau’s cousin. Ok, that makes sense.

I pretty much skipped the rest. Made my eyes cross reading that crap.

Bible, Day 22, OH GOD NO MORE DESCENDANTS

Genesis 25:1-4, 1 Chronicles 1:32-33, Genesis 25:5-6, 1 Chronicles 1:34, Genesis 25:19-26, Genesis 25:7-11, Genesis 25:27-26:35

Summary- Descendants, Abraham dies and Isaac gets on the Strugglebus, or maybe the Notsostrugglemydadisroyaltybus

1 Chronicles 1:32 – Is concubine and wife synonymous?

34– I legit did not know there was a guy named Israel. Why not Isaac though? Like why Abraham and not Lot? Guess we don’t have the whole story. Or it’s made up and these are just huge plot holes that will be perpetually unfulfilled.

Genesis 25:19-23 – Why have them serving one to the other? Whyyyy? And any lady being barren means very little if God could sprinkle a pregnancy in her. Also, how old was Rebekah? Always with the ages of the men. Who cares? Jacob is named ‘he deceives’, as explained by this Bible’s footnote. He was named this. Y’all know The Lion King? Scar’s name, from whence came it? Also, y’all know he had an Swahili name that meant trash? But that makes sense because he was probably a small disgruntled baby and everyone thought he was going to die but (surprise) he lived, prolly kinda mad no one gave him a chance. But this is Jacob, who seems to be about to deceive someone. Why name him that at birth? Or maybe this is a made up story and the names fit with their place in the plot.

Genesis 25: What about the concubine/wife? She dead, alive? Who cares, I guess.

So Esau was literally famished and he sold his birthright to Jacob for some stew his brother was making? Come on guys.

26:10 – “might well have slept with your wife” – You mean raped her? Why aren’t we using rape? Or is rape in this time literally just the taking of a wife from her husband? The sex is just the icing on the cake?

For the rest, Isaac gets to wealthy and the king there says GTFO. Which they do. Then ol’ king comes back saying there should be an alliance? I guess it does show Isaac’s character that he was like, ‘sure, whatevs’.

Esau married two women, Judith and Basemath. Why is polygamy a sin again? I’m not sure if the ‘they’ in this verse means Esau’s wives or their son?

Bible, Day 21

Summary: Abraham is ‘tested’, Sarah Dies, Isaac marries Rebekah (a woman’s name so soon!- but her father does come first!)

22:17 – I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALREADY PROMISED? And we know Isaac was old enough to understand because he asks in verse 7 where the lamb at? He doesn’t feel this was a pretty fucked up thing for Mr. Lordy Lord to do??? As Family Guy put it, Isaac should be like “What the fuck was that about?”. “God was just testing me,” Abraham says- uuuummm and Isaac??? And here we have a guy saying that god told him to do it and he attempts and is stopped by an angel (not god? We know God can speak so what’s up with these angels playing messenger? I don’t understand whyyyy). Doesn’t tell anyone and he lies to Isaac? And yet somehow we’re sure this doesn’t happen anymore. It’s the devil speaking now?

Did we forget about Job? How close is Job and Genesis? I looked it up, not close at all in a regular Bible. I wonders why.

23- Sarah dies and is buried. Where are the servants buried? Has no one died in all the time we’ve been following Abraham? I think we’re missing out on some important Bronze Age burying rituals. I do find it sweet that Abraham went out  of his way to pay for a burial site.

24:16 – “The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her”… That’s what a virgin means in this time. Also, only thing important about this girl is that she was beautiful and a virgin, apparently.  And that she ran water for the servant and the camels. I’m not going to say anything about servants. This guy seems happy and sincerely wants to do well by his master.

:24– Let’s find out where she is in the family tree in regards to Isaac. Milcah is Abraham’s sister-in-law, making her Isaac’s Aunt-in-law (is that a thing?). Milcah gives birth to Bethuel who is Rebekah’s father. Rebekah is Milcah’s granddaughter.  Bethuel is Isaac’s cousin. So Rebekah and Isaac are, what, second cousins? Cousin’s once removed? I think we’re okay in the whole scheme of things.

Can anyone tell me why this servant had to make this journey to find a wife for Isaac? What was wrong with the Canaanites? This a preservation of line thing? I think this is what made people follow ‘royalty’ for so long. And can’t no one blame royalty for marrying within the family – this is obviously allowed. Is incest a sin? It really shouldn’t be.

40-41 – What angel? It made the trip but didn’t say anything? Obviously the god magic got the servant and Rebekah to meet, but what about the angel who was to help? WHY DOES GOD NEED ANGELS??? Also “you will be released from my oath even if they refuse to give her to you”. This giving and getting of women really irks me. Before, they talked about her refusing to leave. Guess that doesn’t matter now.

42 – ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO RECAP WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Yes, yes he was.

58 – Oh, her opinion does matter. Good good.

65 – Veil?

67– “…and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Uhhh, how sweet?

Good thing Genesis is made of multiple stories unlike a certain SOMEBODY’S story that went on far longer than it should have.

Bible, Day 20, The wife turns into a pillar of salt! Like, can we talk about this?!

Genesis 19:1-21:34

Summary: Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his daughters, Isaac is born

I just want to start this off by saying that this probably didn’t happen. I’m prolly preaching to the choir here, but it has to be said. I’m sure there have been worse cities sprouted since Sodom and Gomorrah, and yet none of them have tasted the burning sulfur. A good many people take such extreme acts of god as ‘metaphors’. And what I enjoy bringing up is if these great acts of Mr. Lordy Lord never happened, what does he actually do? When do the metaphors became literal occasions? And what do these stories really mean? We all know that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn’t really about homosexuality, but hospitality and thereforerage it is WAY better to have Lot’s daughters get raped by a whole bunch of men than two male guests getting raped by a whole bunch of men. :l

14 – So the sons-in-law thought he was joking? Didn’t think to shine some magic on them or show them all the guys who were blinded? I like how they get like a few words and then people just move on.

22 – “but flee there quickly, because I cannot do anything until you reach it.”- Everybody look here! “I CANNOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU REACH IT” Oh yes, I’m taking this super literally, there’s absolutely no reason not to. God couldn’t somehow go around Lot and the good people? And again, it’s about Mr. Lordy Lord REMEMBERING Lot. Do the gods forget? Like, I really need to know.

26 – So she turns into a pillar of salt. Why even make looking  back punishment? If I was Lot’s No-Name Wife, and I get to heaven or hell and I get told I died when I looked back and I became a pillar of salt? If this motherfucker don’t get out of here! And why salt? Do y’all know just how valuable salt was? There’s no rhyme or reason to these things, but most likely the Hebrew goatmen that told these stories thought their Hebrew audiences would get everything.

37-38 – STFU, these girls raped their father, they got pregnant, and Papa was like whatevs? This is further ammunition for the goatmen, no one today would think this was okay- well, people with sense. But to goatmen (I’m assuming) preservation of the line was all-important. “Moabites” and “Ammonites” of today? Well, this puts the timeline down pretty good, doesn’t it? I know somewhere in my ancestry there were some guys made by incest, but I don’t want to know where or when!

20:17  – Slave girls. What a pleasant world.

21 – The lady has a name! Her name is Hagar and God helped with the baby name Ishmael and Hagar GOT HIM a wife in Egypt. Got him one. Like a sheep.

There are descendants listed from Genesis 25:12-18 and 1 Chronicles 1:28-31, because that stuff is important to goatmen

I forgot about the rating system, but when I finish writing about the reading for the day, I don’t really want to return to it. I’m a bad blogger.