Tag Archives: reading

Negative Capability and Indeterminacy

I attended the class of a beloved teacher. I’ve never had him as my own teacher, but have heard the stories, and I interrupted his class (by existing there) to see him in action. Something personal had happened to him on that first day, something which is still a mystery to me, and so it was the wildest class I’ve ever witnessed, rooting me to the fact that I must, I must attend his class again. Since this class was after my first, and last, class of the day, it happened every so often.

I’ve gotten the same circumstance this last semester of my Bachelor’s for Foreign Language. And this time, I learned two sets of words from John Keats personal letters, as the class has read “Ode to a Nightingale” that day. Four gifted speakers read aloud the poem and I settled comfortably on the closely related topics that the teacher had presented: Negative Capability and Indeterminacy.I was comfortably with them because they explained my since of spirituality, or lack thereof.

When he first explained what he meant by those words, I felt the words resonate with my personal philosophy, and it is always exciting to know that someone from the past, someone bombarded with stringent Christian views that would easily get you killed (by Christians), someone who may have agreed with these actions, someone absent of all the resources and information I have available at my fingertips, someone then and there, years ago, thought of not “reaching after fact and reason”.

mc escher
Mc Escher indeterminate stairs with people of awesome negative capability descending/ascending/anything in between

And I would like to point out that a emphasis should be made on irritable. I believe Keats believes there can be reaching, simply for its on sake, but trying to determine “facts” and “reasons” is something that creative people shun, people of genius, like Shakespeare, shrug at and say, “I think there’s rather something more in the question”.

And I feel the real reason why people can act within negative capabilities is because there is no ‘right answer’. There’s no fact to give, or reasons to put in a list and put any and all matters to rest.

That is not to say that no one can be wrong- I find the constant argument of who’s wrong and right in and of itself a wonderful indeterminacy. Can you imagine how boring the world with be with only one tried and true way to do things everywhere? Can we call ourselves thinking and reasoning beings if a question isn’t brought up to every affirmation or negation?

There’s nothing I love more than solid rebuttals to my beliefs and knowledge. I don’t want to know where I’m going and am simply enjoying the ride there.

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On the left of “Uncle Max”

Uncle Max is a novel by Chris Kenry. It is a slice-of-life sort of story, which is usually the form of gay novels I read. Though slice-of-life usually transforms into drama in most circles of any sort of fiction, where the drama of life is racketed up a thousandfold, this doesn’t seem like it. It’s funny, but it’s pretty consistently real. I’ve only read about twenty pages, but it seems like that sort of story.

What I was really trying to do was read “Kant’s Conception of Inner Value” by Oliver Sensen. It’s interesting enough, legible, legible as how broccoli with cheese is edible, which it is, but who wants to read broccoli with cheese, you know what I mean? No, oh well.

Now, as I write this, I am kicking my foot. That’s right, one of my feet is straddling the other, kicking its toes. The other foot, the left, doesn’t have as much dexterity, and would never be able to get revenge. I am restless,  a restlessness that can only be healed by Skyrim or some other game. I would say the new game Resident Evil 6, but I’m truly planning on buying, and beating, that this winter break, with family, because I know it will be easier with someone else. Truly, the AIs for your partners are amazing now. Usually, if your partner is AI (such as in Resident Evil Revelations) the enemies are nigh unbeatable unless you are the one doing the mowing down- of course, what’s the use of the AI then other than exposition and plot crops?

Some ‘fans’ are outraged at the way the series had gone. I agree that it is no longer very creepy or anything (well, Leon’s route is fucking dark and I don’t know when the zombies are going to wake up… and part of it is on a freakin’ college campus where everyone just breathed fumes, how scary is that?!), but I’m a, never thought I’d say it, true fan. I’ll play RE no matter what format it’s going to take. I mean, some of these ‘fans’ even said, “I can’t support/buy the game anymore. It is finished.”

Um… You’re no longer a fan then. You were a fan, and now you’re not. You can say you were a fan of the ‘true RE’ or whatever if you need your elitist kick, but you don’t like it anymore, how can you be a true fan?

Same goes for Final Fantasy. I liked 13 (and 13-2). Actually, the only ones I didn’t like, to play, that is, was 10-2 and 12. I’m not counting any of the weird ones, just the turn-based or almost-turned-based, which I counted 13 as, lol. I will always give FF a benefit of the doubt, and will try all their games, because I’m a fan.

I want to play Skyrim.

And I want to read a massive yaoi story, manga or anime style. I don’t really care for looks as long as it’s good- and if it is long, it’s probably good for me. If you don’t know what yaoi is, I don’t really know how you got here, but it’s, for me, the Japanese style of male on male(s) relationships. Opposite of yuri.

I’ve gotten out of touch with some yaoi stories- Crimson Spell and Viewfinder by Ayano Yamane for one- because I don’t know how to get them. I want to pay for them.

And I want my damn money! I don’t really need it, and I’m getting a job… But I want the check so badly… so much money…

And that put me on the Teahouse Tour, which has now filled up, just as I checked. I wanna cry. I wanted that money for that purpose and now it is too late.

“Madness” by Muse is phenomenal.

That’s all for now.