Bible, Day 16-17, And He speaks again!

Job 38:1-39:30

And so God Almighty talks about all the godly things he can and does do. As great as God is, or anything at all is, I don’t believe anything is without question. Yea, I don’t know everything, but it’s real fucked up for God to be coming out the woodworks with supposedly wise sayings when this all started because he wanted to prove Satan wrong. Did we forget how all this started?

And then there are animals doing animals things without knowing what could go wrong. Don’t know about how some animal or another “laughs at horse and rider”, but whatever. This chapter was a  lot of babble so I’mma just continue to the next chapter.

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Job 40:1-42-17

40:14 – “Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you” – 10.5-11 – “Who then is able to stand against me? Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me.”

41 – Are we talking about a crocodile or a dragon? Because all this fire and brimstone sounds… untrue? Also, we can kill crocodiles pretty easily now so… This chapter is useless.

42 – NOPE NOPE NOPE. So the moral of the story is that God is great and don’t question him? And why couldn’t God come sooner? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question him… And what about the kids and servants who died, where is their justice? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question  him. And did god ever tell Job that he was fucking with him for entertainment , bred out of a playful rivalry between him and Satan? Oh right god is great don’t question him.

I wonder if Job loves Big Brother as well.

Holy shit…

Also, I saw that the person who wrote this book wrote it as a parable- so perhaps it was meant to be written like a poem and treated like one of Aesop’s fables- but NOPE, this is a series of events believed to have actually happened and Job was an actual person.

What disappoints me most is that Job is a person I remembered from childhood so I thought his story would be extremely convincing to a nonbeliever such as myself. But it has left me wanting and irritated.

 

Bible, Day 11, You can’t judge God

Job 22:1 – 26:14

Lol, jk, you literally can.

I’m back! I still don’t have steady internet. I don’t have to work nearly as far for the nearest internet, but Burger King isn’t exactly the place to set up a computer and books and various other distractions. Starbucks was such a place, but the nearest Starbucks is also where the campus is- a lovely 45 minute walk from here (here there is no public transportation. Isn’t that lovely?)

So I’m staying with my dearest sister until there’s time and effort that can be expended to help my way further south. A large amount of my material belongings are either (hopefully) molding in my mother’s storage unit (if I believe her claim that she is paying for it), and the others are chilling (comfortably) in my personal storage unit (it’s climate controlled). I can’t wait for when I can finally get a place of my own, or at least a place where I’m completely welcome and I can set up shop, as it were, and no one’s crossing lines until I leave.

So here I am, with the Bible by my side. I begin to read.

Summary: Eli and Bil’s turn come around again (this is tiring), and this time they seemed to have shifted the talk from “have hope because you’re awesome and God always rewards awesome people” to, “Well, technically you’re human so you probably suck to God, who’s perfect. Like, didn’t you burn some ants with a piece of glass? That might be way God destroyed your land, killed your family and servants, and makes everyone except a few loathe your presence.”

So Eli sets some cases down. Since God doesn’t do bad things to good people, he points out 22:5 “Is not your wickedness great? Are not your sins endless?” And since Job has has lived a limited number of years, there is a quantifiable amount of sins he has. Why anyone would call it endless is beyond me, unless the sins he made brought upon more sins, and he is responsible for those too? I would call bullshit on that because God’s actions have caused sins, way more sins than Job, but no one can put God on trial, as Job is fond of pointing out.

Job 23 – It’s getting pretty depressing hearing Job speak. I don’t know if these chapters happen all at once (which is silly) or these well-versed relations happened over a long time (which is even sillier), but if his pain isn’t gone or at least his situation is cleared up to him, this is just a long stream of consciousness of someone getting tortured.

I have understood so far that Job was a pretty good guy or that he (God, Satan) thinks so. And even if he WAS a bad guy, there are other bad people who “drive away the orphan’s donkey” and “thrust the needy from the path” and they’re not getting their due. And I don’t think Job means it in a tu quoque sort of way. Basically, if God always punishes the wrongdoers and blesses the righteous, it obviously doesn’t look like it (because he doesn’t exist!)

Why do bad things happen to needy people, and the people that put them there, or keep them there, or do not reach out their hands, remain unpunished? It’s an interest thought for someone who believes in a great god.

25:6 – “how much less man, who is but a maggot- a son of man, who is only a worm”- So does God like us or not? If these words of god put to paper were influenced by the god above, it doesn’t seem as if he thinks of us as anything worth anything. I mean, damn, we use worms as bait for tastier food, and try to keep maggots from forming (usually) so what does this verse really say about us?

26:1-4 – WOAH WOAH WOAH This motherfucka better be beein’ sarcastic! Holy shit if he had suddenly turned over a new leaf because ol’ Billy said that his life is worthless in the eyes of the Lord, I’mma be one pissed black lady!

 

26:12 – Who the fuck is Rahab? I should really look it up, but I try not to look up things I don’t know in books, just in case they come back and reference this particular unknown. If I try and find the answer I might end up spoiling the story- and this story is quite boring enough without spoilers. Plus, I’m still reeling from the beginning of the chapter. I have to read the next one to get an understanding of what people are really saying.

Bible, Day 10, and He’s really doing Job wrong

Job 19:1-21:34

Summary: More blathering from Zophar, but Job makes some good good points later on in this section. And I mean good from an atheist’s point of view.

19:3 – “a rebuke that dishonors me” – oh poor thing and your honor

19:13-20  – Holy shit, I’m just now realizing that Job’s community is treating him badly. Everyone’s treating him like shit. So his servants all die and all his farming is destroyed, then his kids are killed, and then he gets leprosy. On top of it all, everyone thinks he’s evil or has lost God’s favor and should be punished by everyone else as well as God. Awesome.

20:3 – Dishonor! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!

:19 – Oh look, the oppression of the poor is bad enough to give people who do it the name of evildoers who will earn God’s wrath. And yet in America we have one of the most religious populations in the developed world, and also the greatest pushback on helping the poor- and I mean REALLY helping the poor, not just dropping a few coins in the red bucket come Christmas, or even giving money to the church, unless your church has a hardworking charity aspect. Let’s look more closely at “seized houses he did not build”. I don’t know if you know this, but you can’t build houses – cardboard or not – just willy nilly, and so people can come take it, or call the police to do so. If you need somewhere to sleep, you better find a bridge, you fucking homeless fucker!

:29 – Such is the fate? Not all the time! Hell, not even most of the time. Where is Zophar getting his history lessons?

21:7  – Yes. Why do they? Seriously?

:19 – “It is said ‘God stores up man’s punishment for his sons.’ Let him repay the man himself, so that he will know it!

 

Bible, Day 9, And there are no atheists in fox holes, as they say

Job 15:1-18:21

Summary: The back-and-forth continues. I was hoping they would have gotten to the point by now. Alas, we’re walking through the murkiest mud just to end up how we all know it would end. Of course, many people say it’s the journey which counts (I have always disagreed with this sentiment, along with ones like “it’s the small things that matter” or “money can’t buy you happiness”). Here are some fun bits I actually enjoyed reading.

Job 15:1-19 – So Eliphaz tells ol’ buddy Job that the words of the forefathers and wise men and et cetera wouldn’t say useless things or give bad advice. And while we should always honor the old guy in a place where men die young, sometimes things change or things are currently better understood or the situation at hand is completely different from whatever the old-timers have faced in the past, and sometimes the ‘advice’ of the old-timers comes out to be complete bullshit said from people who didn’t truly understand all the points of view. (You know some of the people who put ‘colored’ and ‘whites’ signs on their restaurants or the people who dragged black people to the forest to hang them, some of them are still alive, and some of them had children who are certainly still alive- do you think they didn’t pass down some awful ‘advice’? )

Job 15:18 –  So everyone suffers, or just wicked men? I’m not sure. The -Ites are try their hand in saying that things will be well for him if he would just be a good little Christian (and wait, I suppose), but Job is having NONE of it. All his life he’s had not to fight, but he’s been a good boy and he doesn’t want to be tortured if he was good. Then the -Ites dare to say that Job shouldn’t rise against God or complain about his treatment because only bad men do that and as long as he is pure and righteous thing will be alright for him. He’s just gotta wait until the bet is over.

No, seriously, I have no idea how this ends but I believe this should have been over a long time ago.

A regular person would have stopped this a long time ago- probably after seeing the servants all with slit throats, or maybe after killing a bunch of kids. Again, is God eating popcorn and watching all this unfold, watching as Job gets angry at himself and his situation, and watching the -Ites speak on His behalf although this was all a twisted little game between him and Satan so that these chapters, this book could be written in the Bible and shown to other people who have bad things happen to them.

But this shows me, things can always get worse and worse and worse, and then you can even die- but at least you’ll be in heaven. You suffered for nothing, but God, the shoddy psychopath, is pleased.

Bible Study, Day 8, and, “Your maxims are proverbs of ashes.”

Job 11:1-14:22

(13:12) This is what I think every time any religious believer starts spewing age-old arguments for whatever is wrong with their religions. “Your maxims are proverbs of ashes”! Damn, this spoke to me so well I squealed like a child. I wish I had spoken these words, or something like them, before I had read them, but now I definitely will spit these out one day- how about to a devout Christian? Will they know this came from the Bible? Of course, different translations and all, it may be hard to recognize the words and sentiment of this verse, but it’s good.

11:4-6 – This would  be an awesome comeback if, again, God hadn’t said in the previous chapters that Job was blameless and pure. It may be true that “God has even forgotten some of [Job’s] sin”, BUT if this was to be a poignant point, it would need to stay forgotten. To say God forgot and that he has debt to pay would mean it’s not forgotten -______-

11:13-20 – So basically, when things don’t go so right for you, know that you’re awesome and good with God and things will get better. You know, like Joel Osteen and Donald Trump. Yea, you see where this might get ornery? There are people who most people generally believe are the scum of the Earth, but as long as they believe they are right with God, they’ll feel well about what they’re doing, and continue to do it. Instead of thinking that perhaps it was luck or they’re siphoning the faith of others or using the less lucky to their own nefarious ends- they think God has allowed this to happen because it’s a good thing, or something.

On the plus side, if you ARE doing all you can do to stay righteous and be good and all the shiznit, this is all you can do when things go wrong. Other than commit suicide. But think about the people you love, and if you don’t love a lotta people, think of the possibility of you fucking your suicide up and you become a vegetable or a drooling imbecile until you die- or various other things that can go even more wrong than suicide. Personally that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t for so long. I don’t want to get fucked up in the head any more than I am, lol

Job 12-13 – So Job knows how awesome and powerful  God is, and that, in this Bible-babble land, if you’re a good person, you’ll have a good life. He makes the awesome point that, yea, that helps him not one bit. Maybe he’s being impatient, but he wants to get rid of his misfortune NOW. And who wouldn’t? Especially if all your friends are saying that God will come in and swoop him off his feet in TLC. And all he asks is for God to tell him what he did wrong, or kill him. Of course, God isn’t going to answer because Job didn’t do anything wrong and He isn’t going to kill Job because…because….because???? I guess the bet with Satan is still on?

Job 14– The subtitle says “Man is Frail” for this chapter, comparing humans to trees and stuff that can grow back (and let’s not forget that trees don’t care about living or dying) and that humans don’t have much so at least God can keep tabs and bring sins up receipt-like before he starts torturing his subjects.

Bible. Day 7, and Job is Theon Greyjoy

Job 8:1-10:22

Summary: It’s Bildad’s turn to talk some sense into Job. This seems to be goldmine of Christian apologetics. Job’s friends keep giving reasons (and not very good ones) on why Job should be more hopeful and optimistic about his suffering, because he is ‘blameless’, et cetera, and good things would come to him eventually.

I’m just thinking. The kids are dead though. Were they not blameless that they all had to die? What about the servants? None of them were worth not dying so that God could show off what a good little servant Job is? You know what this reminds me of?

The guy in the chair is Ramsey Bolton. The guy shaving him is Theon Greyjoy (just for those who live under a rock). Ramsey tortured the halibut out of Theon (even chopped off his dick) and Theon was then ordered to shave Ramsey- you know, the old-fashioned way with a blade. And instead of going Sweeney Todd on his ass, Theon carefully shaves away the fuzz. And this is what this rapidly-becoming-uninteresting book seems to be about. Worship the sky-daddy even when he’s doing bad things because eventually good things will happen (the least of which is heaven, I suppose. Because once you’re dead…)- in Theon’s case he does go back a changed and broken man. Maybe that’s how God likes ’em.

Gotta say I’m getting pretty bored, and I’m not going to add the rating system until something majorly different happens in this book (I won’t hold my breath though). Some things to point out however:

8:5-7 – But why make him go through all this in the first place, and it’s making me awful mad that they’re going through these chapters of discussion when this all started because God wanted to prove to Satan that his servants are Hodor-level servants. Like, does all this suffering for faith really apply when the beginning of this was a silly bet?

9:17-20 – Okay, right, so, you can’t really argue with god because 1) he could do anything he wants with you and if things are shitty now, how would they be if God was actually angry and 2) God’s always right so he can’t really argue for different treatment. He’s miserable and he doesn’t know why, so why go on? Poor dude is asking for death because he’s so unhappy, and he feels as if stuck in a spider’s web. And for what?

9:32-35 – A reasonable request. If we were to bother God with our complaints, we’re going to need a bit more armor, just in case he gets angry. Such a foolish array of power struggles. And again, FOR NO REASON.

10:2 – This part makes me really unhappy, and really cemented my thoughts so far- Job hasn’t done anything wrong, and he’s willing to do anything to find out what he did wrong so that he can stop the torture. How could anyone start reading this book and think God is a swell guy?

P.S. ERM. So this is how people spoke these days? Each person gets their turn and such? This reads exactly like a fairy tale. In fact, it reads like a fairy tale in a fictional book reciting a fairy tale (like something the book made up). Now, if these were letters, I could possibly understand, but I highly doubt this is how they spoke to each other. Unless this is all made up. Which is was, of course.

Bible Babble! Day 5!

Job 1:1-3:26

I’ve heard the stories but I don’t think I’ve ever read this in detail. I.e. Something completely new!

1:22 (and similar verses)  – “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” Okay, everyone, everyone, let’s say I gave someone the money and the means to kill your whole family, make you sick, and take all  you had. I would be one evil motherfucker, wouldn’t it? Of course this book is all about suffering like Mother Teresa  (or at least her followers), and still loving God because God likes his followers to suffer and still kiss his ass. How does this seem like a good story in the beginning? I do, however, like this verse, 10, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

Here, I see it may mean that God is responsible for the good and the bad? Omnibenevolence indeed.

Also, 2:1 (and similar verses, because the Bible likes to repeat itself- oral recitation and all that) – “On another day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them to present themselves.” Satan rolling with him homies to talk to God? And Satan likes to fuck with God and have him do bets? How long does this last?

2:1-2, esp. “And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.” Oh, so it’s all Satan’s fault? You couldn’t put the poor dear through a nightmare where none of this ACTUALLY happens? Or may it happens and loses his memories? Like, how do the children feel being used as pawns like this? This is some bullshit.

3 – Yea, this is what happens when people are put to the end of their rope. I’m wondering what the replies are, for I’m sure it’ll be some good stuff (this is not sarcasm, I really do believe that!)

1. Plot 3-  Very interesting. I’m actually looking forward to the next day. I hope there is some good advice to come!
2. Credibility 3- Yea, this is believable- well, not all those messengers at the same time or anything (that’s what makes it fake as hell) but if things were that bad, repeatedly? Yes I could see it.
3. Reliability 5– I bet you can rely on this chapter and the rest of Job to see how you can use your made up religion to get through your life’s problems
4. Clarity 5- I wish it wasn’t written like some epic poem. It’s hard for me to take it seriously, or to just look for where the figurative language is hiding.
5. Reality 4 – Pretty sure this is a common part to go to for Christians for help through tough times. I’m not sure though.

Bible! Day 4, And sons are the only important ones

Genesis 10:1-5, 1 Chronicles 1:5-7, Genesis 10:6-20, 1 Chronicles 1:8-16, Genesis 10:21-11:26, 1 Chronicles 1:17-27

Head’s up, don’t read Chronicles. It seems to merely chronicle the line of men in the Bible which gets real tiresome, real soon.

11:1-8, esp. v. 5-7 But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other. ” —– Okay, I’d been taught all my life that the men were all full of themselves and forgetting god and all that shit, but here we have the Lord simply not wanting his little playthings to advance. Well joke’s on the Lord, we cane learn other people’s languages!

Seriously though, throw me a link my way that will explain why God of omniknowing goodness is acting like a spoiled little shit.

11:10 – I totes remember God saying something like humans shouldn’t live more than 120 years, and here we have 403… 430…209? Etc. Is there going to be an explanation on why lives are getting shorter or are supposed to figure that out on our own?

1. Plot  – 0, bored to tears reading all them names, and just got upset that God fucked with the towers for little to no reason
2. Credibility – 5, It’s not much, but it is all pretty believable, and I had always loved this story about how all the languages got made. I’m interested if there aren’t some Biblical academics out there who believe that these tower-building people were the origin of the Proto-Indo-European language?
3. Reliability – 4, I’ve been told many times that too much work has gone into the Bible for it to be fake (of course, that should also go for any other religious texts, but of course it doesn’t). And this segment is one of the reasons- who would go through all that trouble naming names, other than people whose perfect recitation of these names meant a paycheck (or paybag? Purse of gold?)
4. Clarity – 4, It’s pretty clear. But I’m still hung up on why
5. Reality – 5, Even I believed this was the origin of languages for a long time. And learning a different language doesn’t really help you unless you go back to the histories of languages, and only then, if you’re curious enough, you would seek out the ultimate language from which all others derived (like I did).

Bible! Day 3, and Noah’s flood never happened

Genesis 7:1-9:29

Let me throw y’all this right quick: 7:24– “The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days”- Y’ALL, it didn’t just rain for 40 days and 40 nights; the earth was flooded for 150 days! What does this mean for the average man? That means, all the food and poop pickup, the fate of the creatures of the water, etc. have all been compounded nearly 4x. Noah, it says in this Bible, stayed nearly a year in that ark.

Also, should Christians be on the lookout for clean and unclean animals as it says they exist within the first four verses of Chapter 7 of Genesis- and here we are in Noah’s time.

8:1– “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark” and so God got to cleaning up the place, but my question is (and this happens a couple more times later in this segment), did God forget Noah? You don’t have to remember what you haven’t forgotten, you know what I mean? From the sound of these beginning pages, God was never meant to be all-knowing (or omnibenevolent either!) From here, also, why did Noah have to build an ark? Why would God need to send a flood? Y’all remember Prince of Egypt? God sent that smoky stuff to kill all the first born. This wasn’t possible because? Why kill most of the animals too?

9:12– “And God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you” etc. There is absolutely no need for a covenant or rainbow. God could have just had a promise, and it’s not like this covenant is trustworthy. Sure, he won’t ‘flood the earth’ but he can do pretty much anything else.

9:20-end – ARE YOU SERIOUS? Just in case some of you don’t know, there was a thing with white people who believed that black people (especially tribal Africans) were directly descended from Canaan, and I’m guessing it’s probably because they were more naked than most people. And Canaan was ‘meant’ to be a slave to his brothers, just as Africans were ‘meant’ to be the slave to white people.

Now that that’s over with. This wasn’t a big population- many people today would be able to count Canaan as an ancestor. Two, the guy saw another guy naked after being drunk, and he and his descendants get cursed for all eternity. Adam and Eve were naked for who knows how long- WHY is this a bad thing? These guys get upset over the stupidest things.

1. Plot 3- This was a lot less exciting than I had remembered it. I kind of wanted more tension, but I suppose for goatmen, this was pretty exciting
2. Credibility 1- It didn’t happen, and nothing about it makes sense.
3. Reliability 4- Even if it wasn’t true, we know we could count on God to do some crazy magical shit somewhere down the line, even though this definitely didn’t happen.
4. Clarity 1- What are kinds? Clean and unclean animals? Why was Noah so upset to be seen naked? Did none of the wives get pregnant or die from childbirth? So many  questions!
5. Reality 1- If this was 1830, this would probably be a four, seeing as how people used to Bible (and not only this part) to reinforce their own selfish views on slavery. Also, most Christians or apologists I know see this story as more metaphorical than anything.  Of course, would than mean gods are simply metaphorical beings after all? How does that work?

 

Bible Day 2!

We’re almost to the part where I always stopped reading. It was just so… Like, what the fuck is going on… Why does this matter? Is this going to have important repercussions later on? Would we have to care? WHY IS IT HERE! WHY. Also, ratings at the end because it will be easier to refer to them when I have already written my opinions verse by verse.

Today, we have Genesis 4:1-5:32, 5:1, 1 Chronicles 1:1-4, Genesis 6:1-22

Gotta point out this is the New International Version of a chronological Bible. Which is why Chronicles pops up here.  Let’s start!

Ok, 5, God did not look with favor upon Cain’s offering. So perhaps he was OK with Cain’s offering but favored Abel’s, right?

Can God talk to humans right now? Is this what’s happening? Can they see his face? Is he speaking? Are they going deaf or going blind? I always question why don’t any gods, especially gods that want relationships with humans, don’t make themselves readily available- because they’ve obviously been able before.

And then Cain kills Abel and God asks where is Abel? Which is similar to when Adam and Eve were in the garden and somehow these two naked people were able to hide from a god in his own garden?

And then Cain is punished for murdering, but in two pages God plans to destroy most of the world. THEN Cain is cursed, and his people are cursed, and people who would kill him be cursed. What’s up with this? Why the raining down of punishment through the generations. Seriously, who was there to mourn Abel? There were, like, four people alive at the time.

17– Cain’s WIFE? And where the fuck did she come from. There is Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel. Was it Eve? Funny how they don’t have a name. There is NO reason there is no name- it is a nuanced decision to omit this and it ain’t foolin’ nobody!

Now that I’ve had some time to think it over, I remember how the Bible, like  most stories, were orally transmitted and something about oral transmissions (of words) makes people make sure the story adds up- thus we have the names and who from whom to whom were the kids (mostly men).

23– Okay, before it was talking about Lamech marrying two women and Iiiiii’m thinking polygamy- but what if one died and he married the next? But nope! Here Lamech is speaking to his wives (and I can only surmise it is at the same time). So there was a time that God was ok with polygamy. So. What’s up.

26 – Apparently these guys start praying to God or preaching about him because… some people might not know? Whatevs.

5:1 – Aren’t we all of Adam’s line????????

6:1-22 – Here are some important points:

• A quick caveat for how long people live- to 120. But that wasn’t really possible for most people even today. But this is a great plothole to come back and correct.
• There were Nephilim (“and also afterward”)
• 6:6 “The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth”- Why is he upset? Was he hoping something different would happen? Didn’t he know this would happen?
• Was Noah really the only good person? THE ONLY ONE? I doubt it.
• We all know the ark is bullshit. It’s even funnier because the goatmen believed that the sea animals were safe (at least, that’s what I suppose on why Noah wasn’t tasked to saving the creatures of the sea). But there is a reason why there are saltwater and freshwater fresh, and animals that go between the water and the land. If they weren’t on the ship, the weird ass water would have killed them. AND, what did these animals- from lions to coyotes- eat? There weren’t fridges here, and I doubt they could have kept ice- in fact, they wouldn’t have known that keeping some food cool help keeps them fresh. So how did they have enough food for everyone?

 

Plot -3, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t the last of the Beowulf-Odyssey-sounding naming of names

Credibility – 1, I don’t think anything would have more than a 1… We’ll see

Reliability – 4, it seems as if God REALLY doesn’t want you to kill people for your own gain (Arya Stark, I’m looking at you)

Clarity – 5, everything I read here is very clear. It’s still made up, but I could see why people believe it. 

Reality – 3, This is one of Bible story mains that many people don’t really believe, at least among those I know, which is a breath of fresh air. But try to apply the same logic anywhere else (like Jesus rising from the dead), and you’re in for a silly little ride.