Category Archives: Life

Bible, Day 24, Back to ridiculousness 1/2

So ol’ Wordyprez let me know that it’s been at least a month since the last time I’ve updated my blog site. And I usually slack off on social media if I’m having fun elsewhere, and that fun’s being had through chats and video games and wonderful family and people. So life is puuuurty  nice right now- even got an interview with a job I really really really really want.

But I was enjoying my little Bible studies, yes yes, and I was ultra excited when I got another specially made Bible from one of my sister’s friend’s mother. This lovely lady is just like my mom when it comes to religion- or, really, Christianity. What I call cloyingly religious. Like the phrase ‘cloyingly sweet’, no matter the situation or what part of the dessert you’re eating, religion makes its way in with all the delicacy as a waterfall of syrup.

It's Jesus!
It’s Jesus!

And that experience reminded me on why I had to pull no punches whatsoever with my atheism, because many times, no one else does. On top o’ dat, she knew I didn’t go to church and I bet she knew it was because I didn’t believe in any religions or gods. She repeatedly said that I should ‘try out God’ and ‘try out church’ and ‘remember God is in all things’ and was talking about how people are punished by God all the time, and I felt so damn disrespected.

Lemme tell you about one of the people that God punished in her life. I told her that I don’t deal with my mom very much because she’s not a good person right now but ain’t no one call tell her nothing- and it’s always been this way and I’ve only really just grasped it this year. Well Friend’s Mom starts talking about how this one woman in her life did very wrongly by her parents- said bad stuff, put ’em in a nursing home, treated them very wrong. Then she got cancer and died very quickly. She was in her early sixties. And while that seems like an everyday thing, that showed Friend’s Mom to always respect her parents. Lemme tell you, goddamnit, nothing sparks my fury faster than fucking gaslighting me (I get dreams- I guess nightmares?- about gaslighting nearly every day). It shows how you don’t know about me, or my life, or my effin’ parents. People automatically assume I’m being ungrateful or misunderstanding my parents or something. I think it’s because I’m a cool cat or something so my parents MUST be the ones to thank.

parents can be assholes

So I  might’ve been a bit biased on Friend’s Mom experience with Cancer Friend. But then! My sister told how she was going to visit an internet friend (went well by the way, everyone was who they said they were, sister had a fantastic time), and Friend’s Mom told us about another friend who met a man and it turned out he was evil and a pervert and they married and divorced within a month. Why was the man evil and a pervert? Because he watched porn.

Alright ok

I nearly asked, “What kind of porn?” But I had a feeling that that wasn’t the point. Now I know there are some feminists out there who find all porn to be the work of spoiled men who wanted to be sexually fulfilled at any moment and that pornography preyed on young women who needed money and a job- but I didn’t think that Friend’s Mom was that kind of anti-porn artist. My sister sent a still of above to my phone.

When we almost separated (I missed my bus the first go ’round, but we caught up with it- an hour early actually), Friend’s Mom gave me the Amplified Bible (ABZ) by Zondervan. ABZ uses extremely simplified translations that are more prose than Hebrew poetry. It has introductions and outlines and explanations in parenthesis and so I believe it’s addition will render my analyses more complete. Just to remind you, the other Bible I’m using is the New International Version One Year Chronological (NIVC). This foreword was a little longer than I expected, but I suppose that is to be expected after not writing for a while!


Bible, Day 16-17, And He speaks again!

Job 38:1-39:30

And so God Almighty talks about all the godly things he can and does do. As great as God is, or anything at all is, I don’t believe anything is without question. Yea, I don’t know everything, but it’s real fucked up for God to be coming out the woodworks with supposedly wise sayings when this all started because he wanted to prove Satan wrong. Did we forget how all this started?

And then there are animals doing animals things without knowing what could go wrong. Don’t know about how some animal or another “laughs at horse and rider”, but whatever. This chapter was a  lot of babble so I’mma just continue to the next chapter.


Job 40:1-42-17

40:14 – “Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you” – 10.5-11 – “Who then is able to stand against me? Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me.”

41 – Are we talking about a crocodile or a dragon? Because all this fire and brimstone sounds… untrue? Also, we can kill crocodiles pretty easily now so… This chapter is useless.

42 – NOPE NOPE NOPE. So the moral of the story is that God is great and don’t question him? And why couldn’t God come sooner? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question him… And what about the kids and servants who died, where is their justice? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question  him. And did god ever tell Job that he was fucking with him for entertainment , bred out of a playful rivalry between him and Satan? Oh right god is great don’t question him.

I wonder if Job loves Big Brother as well.

Holy shit…

Also, I saw that the person who wrote this book wrote it as a parable- so perhaps it was meant to be written like a poem and treated like one of Aesop’s fables- but NOPE, this is a series of events believed to have actually happened and Job was an actual person.

What disappoints me most is that Job is a person I remembered from childhood so I thought his story would be extremely convincing to a nonbeliever such as myself. But it has left me wanting and irritated.


Bible, Day 15, and Killing me none too softly

Job 35:1-37:24

12 – “He does not answer when men cry out because of the arrogance of the wicked.” And before, like, we’re maggots so why should he care that we want answers from him? Again, what others have said before, and it’s not a very good argument. And he says that wickedness and righteousness doesn’t affect anyone but man- so what use is man to god? And why does unending torment meet those who do not prostrate themselves to god? We literally have no effect on him and god just wants his pride stroked? What is the purpose of all this?

36:2  “Bear with me a little longer and I will show you that there is more to e said in God’s behalf.” *cough*on*cough*… Ok, I’ll wait.

37:14-18 – Gotta get to this. So it’s pretty obvious that Elihu (and most likely others from this time) believes that God controls the weather- especially storms and lightning (sounds aaaaaawfully famiilar). But we know that a complicated system is in charge of all that, and people who know how science works see how accurate our weather forecasting can be. Actually, anything that many people blame as gods’ works can be explained pretty well without magical sky pixies of varying dimensions.

And I’m REALLY sick of, god is so huge and and amazing and we’ll NEVER understand him, so suffer through your fate and be happy.

What I do like about this chapter gets pretty well summed up here 36:17-19 – Pretty much, if everything went well for Job constantly, what if he was tempted to sin and falls to the wayside because things have been going so well? With being treated how he is (“with the judgment due the wicked”), he  knows what happens to wicked people, and he wouldn’t be so tempted once things go well for him again.

That’s a nice argument, and if all men who were thrust into such a state and ended up righteous when their trials were over then it would even be proven correct. But this is similar to the Death Parade dilemma:

Death Parade

You see, in Death Parade, nonhuman beings called Arbiters judged human souls for either The Void (I guess it’s purgatory or something) or reincarnation. For some reason, it wasn’t enough that human beings have lived full lives before going to the testing grounds where the Arbiters worked, and so the Arbiters had to put the souls of humans through Death Games, judge their reactions and choices, and then decide.

The problem with that (explained pretty phenomenally towards the end), is that the Death Games (which usually pit two souls against each other in a game that would end one or the other’s lives- btw, the souls usually don’t know they’re already dead), may not have been accurate depictions of human souls. I agree.

Like, so many people say, the ‘real’ you comes out when your drink or smoke, or when your life is on the line. Or when all your fortune goes to shit and you’ve got leprosy out the ass and all your people have condemned you. How is this part more ‘real’ than when you’re sober is beyond me. Yes, you can hide feelings and thoughts you don’t want to share if everything is going right. But hiding feelings and thoughts is part of being human, to get along with others, to make society greater and safer. If everyone acted how the ‘really’ wanted to act, it would be chaos, and if we decide to give up our freedom so that the world can be less chaotic, that is as real as any comments spoken aloud in a bar.

Back to the verse, if you’re going to go through bad times anyway so that you don’t take your good times for granted, then there is no need to be good all the time. As many people complain, if you accept god on your deathbed even after killing people and doing awful things, god would forgive you, won’t he?


What if all killers (mass or otherwise) were like Malcom X 0.5? or Brock Turner?

I wrote this the day after the mass killing in Orlando’s Latin LGBTQ nightclub, but I didn’t want to share it until later, when everything comes to light- or as much as the media allows before people with human decency fills out the rest of the ‘terrorist attack’ schtick that so many news outlets are peddling.

My dear sister, who has a warm outlook of the world- so warm that she says things that I would never think to say, one of which was this: I so wish people would stop calling it a terrorist attack based on his religion rather than the fact that it’s a terrorist attack because it’s an act of terror. 😒

Which is the main reason people want to add more facts around this horrific crime against humanity. Terrorist attack and Islam is not mutually inclusive all the time- except in America. Probably, unless you’re black and/or Muslim. I give no leeway to any religion that somehow prompts a person to do something horrible. Sure, without religion, people can find the reason to do bad things (Brock Turner comes to mind- goddamn can you find a sleazier couple of words? If someone was introducing you to a Brock Turner, most of y’all will be ready to meet a complete asshole, admit it).

But I know for damn sure it’s easier to do a lot of bad things if you feel that some god is telling you to do it. Just like for some people, their ‘reliance’ on their faith keeps them from doing bad things- which is equally as terrifying as the other way around.

Yet, we all know that without religion, or any other catalyst one can make their crutch, the mind, influenced by genes and the environment and the words that float in and around, the television, the experiences within and without, can one day make a person think something that isn’t ok, is ok. Or ok enough.

I’ve already made this clear to my brother (again, this was the afternoon after the shooting in Orlando, before I even knew about it), but I met an absolute lunatic yesterday (June 11). When I had seen him around campus, I thought he was extremely fit and handsome, and since I was caught staring 89% of the time, I usually said hi, and he would say hi back.

Yesterday I was at a table outside, after the library closed, and I was biding my time until the bus came. Here comes strong, tall, and handsome. He drops his bag in the chair across from me, and a jug of water on the table, smiles, and says, “Let’s have a conversation!”

Let me tell you people, I’ve been homeless for a bit over a month. I’m finally going to be able to leave Crapsville for something I think is bigger and better. Every man who I had more than a ten word conversation with has catcalled me and pinched and rubbed and hugged me without my permission, and two of them have solicited me for sex in the most awkward ways imaginable. One persistent fellow is dumb as FUCK and always telling me ‘advice’ that I did NOT ask for. (Is this the mansplaining that people talk about? Because nearly every man I talk to does this- like, I don’t need your help unless I ask for it, you know?)

So when a handsome man gives you space and gets right to the point, but not to that point, I get interested.

And I listened to his conversation. Note. Listened.

After five minutes.

yea oh no gif

After fifteen.

oh no gif

My bus nearly here.

oh no gif 2


And I was sooooooooooo disappointed. Like, I knew he was getting his education, staying fit, knew how to talk to people  (or thought really) but noooooooooooooooo- he was CRAZY.

And what made me sad sad sad in the pit of my stomach, in my freaking soul, was that he just didn’t know.

He couldn’t see it.

Okay, a snippet of his ‘conversation’:

“You don’t need to be scared of me, there’s nothing to be afraid of, if I was going to kill you I would have pulled out the gun I have, to protect myself, because everyone has a right to protect themselves, especially black men, you see how everyone’s killing black men, espeically cops, don’t trust the cops, they’ll kill you, they kill so many people and people trust them, i know you trust them because you’re looking at your phone, going to call them? I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to teach you, because learning is what you’re here to do, knowledge is power, don’t let anyone tell you different, even  if you’re a woman, there’s that  psychological-methological-pathological influence working on you, too easy, you’re getting distracted, looking at your phone, you know phones cause cancer, and so does that drink and all that sugar, you’ll lose your teeth, see, look, this is how my teeth look and they look like this because I take care of myself, and black men need to take care of themselves, remember what I said about my gun, yea, just turning it all back on itself, circle of life, that psychological-methological-pathological thinking that everyone is thinking, too easy…”

oh my god community gif

I was only too happy to finally walk to the bus, because it will be near a street and I’ll be safer. I had my brother a button away on my phone (the reason I was on my phone, just in case I antagonize him further). But then Malcom X 0.5 says he’ll walk me home, and I kept telling him I’m taking the bus (because the bus doesn’t run on Sundays, and I had to walk all day today), and he told me (in his rambling way) that I needed to lose weight and a bunch of other crazy stuff. And I was a black woman and he would protect me. To be honest, I actually believed that part 100%.

He said in different ways that if he wanted to hurt/kill me, how he would do it, where he would do it etc.

But one part I want to take from this, other than the fact that, damn, judging a book by its cover goes in so many directions, but also, this dude talked about the psychological-methological-pathological control that his medicine tried to hold over him.

oh gotcha

I knew he needed some psychiatric medicine. Probably a lot. All of it. But to know that he’s been off? See this- people have seen this guy being crazy, gave him medicine, and somehow he felt that he didn’t need to take it, and then he felt it wasn’t going to make him better, and finally to Crazyville thinking that the medicine did more harm than good. And now he was how he was.

Brock Turner.

Okay. You’ve heard about him. Prolly read the letters from his parents. If you haven’t read his parents’ letters, here are some excerpts.


mom brock letter 2

Mom brock letter 1

This probably makes you irate. Hell, it should. But one thing that prolly works through your mind is if these people are serious. How entitled and self-centered can you get? It’s just almost unbelievable. How crazy can you get?

As yesterday told me, fucking insane. Nutzoid. But what’s the middle for that? Me who takes 600 mg of a pretty strong drug? But people think I’m pretty awesome then how about the Turner’s? The way these people are talking , and you know, they just don’t get the point. And how would you make them know? When every angle is covered by crazy and self-centeredness and complete ignorance? When they see Turner (or when he sees himself) as mostly innocent with a few mistakes (and still continue to be so) can you change their mind?

And that brings me to Orlando. And other killers (mass or otherwise). 90 percent of time, they know that what they’re doing is wrong (or seen as wrong by others), but the little chemicals conjoined in the brain makes someone pull that trigger. Sometimes those chemicals are helped by some religious upbringing and influences imagine endorphins flooding in knowing that what you did, and the scale of what you did, has pleased the god as you know it, and you’re going to heaven. IMAGINE IT.  Of course the chemicals that resulted now to have you think the way you do will force you to think- I can’t kill, that’s not god’s way, that’s not my religion, even if god did say so, that’s not good, that would make me a bad human.

But what if someone didn’t have those chemicals. What if they needed pills or real experience to understand? How would you give someone a real experience?

And that’s just the mental aspect. Homophobia. Racism. Extremism (in any sense). What are we going to do? What can we do?

A Day 10, and Bible class, and poor gorilla (I guess), and ridiculously high standards for life

I don’t really know if I’m tired of something until I have it before me in neat little letters, and I get angry. When I’m bored, I get upset, some deep rage wells up inside me and my mind is pummeled with thoughts like how there are better, newer, more awesome things to do. Or even, there are older, funner, more entertaining things to do, but here I am in this quicksand of a number. Fortunately, reading the Bible isn’t one of the adulting things that I’m more or less forced to do, and so I took (and continue to take) a break, and then I came back to the good book and found myself slowly getting annoyed. (that’s why it’s a continuation) So, let’s get with some interesting things: the new main picture up there.

Whenever I see a class about the Bible I see this :

bible-study for real

Especially in the middle of Crapsville Tennessee (aw, that’s not nice, but this is not a place for people who want a fast, constantly changing life- granted, most places aren’t!)

But this little snippet for a Bible class makes the worry fly away  as it makes sure to point out the class would not consider the Bible as some sort of spiritiual guide, but a collection of books. Repetitive books with an interesting way of saying things- that gets old face if nothing is happening and there aren’t any clever wisecracks every so often (like in Shakespeare, you know?).

Another thing to point out is that this class will examine the good book as it has been passed down through the oral tradition and I find to be of grave importance. Many stories written today have been passed down orally, the most famous of them being Grimm’s fairy tales or Greek myths, and the singular case of Beowulf. Countless others that haven’t made it to the mainstream are just as fictional, and just as orally shared as the books of the Bible, and yet the Bible is seen is true. I’m so confused on how this happened really. Egyptian and Greek myths have been phased out so how has the Bible (and others) been able to stay?

Before listening to my reasoning, you might want to research a bit for yourself, but I always think about all the great wars and all the killing of myriads of people and you can see why some religions have stayed longer than others. When you’re about to be killed, that half thought oral tradition may not seem so important. And when you’re doing the killing (and the subsequent convincing) you might let it get to your head that it’s your god speaking, and not just your sword.

I would love to see how the Bible has influenced so much writing. Reading the English Romantic’s poems can be a chore if you’re not familiar with Christian myth, as well as Greek and, rarely, Egyptian. This class is an English major’s opportunity’s for great credit and good learning.

kid and gorilla

Okay, beautiful gorilla, so sad it died… Well, I’m never really sad when an animal dies, especially an animal I never knew about, unless there was suffering. But I can see how it would upset many people. And I’m just going to bypass Mrs. Gregg’s thanking of God who helped the proper authorities kill the animal (instead of god catching the kid or speaking in his ear not to jump or whatever) and get to the point that is getting me from the reactions of some people.

I’m homeless at the moment and profoundly bored and alone, and while people can get kind of annoying (what is it with people repeating themselves? Over and over and over again? Yes, I got it, you said fuck you to your manager, awesome. Great! You work 12 hours a day and it sucks, gotcha. Yes, I heard you the first three times you said that he wants to marry you- PLEASE ZEUS MAKE IT STOP) kids tend to hold  my attention, because, I suppose, my brain knows they don’t know any better and so their repetition is seen as super cute. And they have small attention spans, so I know the topic will change eventually.

So I go to the free food event and we get to talking about the kid and the gorilla. None of them really care about the gorilla, HOWEVER, they think the family (especially the mom, because apparently it is understood the dad isn’t there? Because the kid is black? Or maybe moms are the only one to be watching the children?) should pay for the damage done (i.e. the cost of a gorilla). First of all, that big guy was about  the worth of a okay-driving car, and you want to put that on top of the heart attack the family involved probably felt after seeing the kid fall, first of all, and then the extreme uncertainty when Boo-boo got a hold of him. Awesome.

But what REALLY upset me was that all the people with kids at the free food event lost track of their kids. Constantly. And all day everyday as I traipse Clarksville, I hear mothers and fathers and guardians calling on their little ones to come back to the three foot radius from the main adult. And anyone who says that the parents should have been looking after the kid, well NO FUCKING SHIT. You think they don’t know that? You think they make it a habit of just forgetting their kids and letting them walk on their own? You don’t think it was just a mistake? It wasn’t until you signed that petition to ruin their lives that they realized, that, oh, Lord! They never watch their kids!

Get the fuck outta here. Yes, a poor animal died, because you don’t want to leave it to chance that the animal would or wouldn’t attack, and the many times a guardian loses track of a kid for two-point-two seconds leads to the kid falling into an enclosure for the animals natural habitat so they can do gorilla things  (I’m hearing that a lot too, should have let the animal do what it does and he prolly wouldn’t do anything? As soon as he bashes a kids brains out, what sort of song would you be singing then?)

at least you have a job

Okay, as a homeless person and a person with a disability, and people see me looking generally not as happy as others, the platitudes that seem to rest on everyone’s breasts seem ready to be quickly shared. Because that’s what people do I guess.

One of the platitudes that are driving me fucking bonkers is “Well, at least you have a job”. I put this in le google d’image, and while most of the pictures are saying you should be grateful for the life you have and the job you got, this one was in the top three, and for good reason.

Okay, “at least you have a job”, “at least you’re alive”, “at least you have a place to sleep”. I know many people like to use the useless fact that we take things for granted  against people who are trying to do better for themselves, but I’m not one of those people. Sure, I’m happy I have a job and that I’m alive and I have a place to sleep, but that doesn’t mean I should be happy about not having a place to stay during the day, not enjoying my job even a little bit (especially when I used to, a lot), or that I don’t feel my life is really worth living. I have high standards for life: I want a place to stay during the day. I enjoy cooking some of my own food and not being at the complete mercy of someone else to feed me, especially in the morning, for, at the place I’m staying, you’re not allowed to keep food, and they wonder why people break the rules when come morning there’s Chinese food. HEY, AT LEAST YOU HAVE FOOD TO EAT.

Great, and heartburn. All goddamn day.

I mean, shit, sorry for standards. I mean, damn, you can ask a lot of people who know or have known me personally- I don’t really have high standards. But I know my fucking limits. Working eight hours and my break falls entirely on the fact that my manager remembers I need a break. I can’t leave until someone comes in after me- and they say to me, hey, at least you got some extra hours on my paycheck.

I know my shitty pros and cons, okay? I’m 25 years old. I know I don’t know everything, but I’m the most knowledgeable about myself. And anyone who doesn’t know exactly how I think and feel, or how I’ve thought and felt, don’t get to say how much I can take. I’ve had a lifetime before meeting people, so cool it.

OMG, on Thursday, I told a customer, I’m fine (and I really thought I said it in a cheerful way! I need to hear my voice recorded…) and she was like, ‘Oh, bad day?’ Me: *laughlaughlaugh* More like a bad month *laughlaughlaugh*

Her: Well, it’ll get better, don’t let the little things weigh you down.

Little things like a vandalism charge that really shouldn’t exist, being stuck in the deadest city in Tennessee, and being homeless?

But things would get better. At least by June 27th.

June fucking 27th.

Bible, Day 9, And there are no atheists in fox holes, as they say

Job 15:1-18:21

Summary: The back-and-forth continues. I was hoping they would have gotten to the point by now. Alas, we’re walking through the murkiest mud just to end up how we all know it would end. Of course, many people say it’s the journey which counts (I have always disagreed with this sentiment, along with ones like “it’s the small things that matter” or “money can’t buy you happiness”). Here are some fun bits I actually enjoyed reading.

Job 15:1-19 – So Eliphaz tells ol’ buddy Job that the words of the forefathers and wise men and et cetera wouldn’t say useless things or give bad advice. And while we should always honor the old guy in a place where men die young, sometimes things change or things are currently better understood or the situation at hand is completely different from whatever the old-timers have faced in the past, and sometimes the ‘advice’ of the old-timers comes out to be complete bullshit said from people who didn’t truly understand all the points of view. (You know some of the people who put ‘colored’ and ‘whites’ signs on their restaurants or the people who dragged black people to the forest to hang them, some of them are still alive, and some of them had children who are certainly still alive- do you think they didn’t pass down some awful ‘advice’? )

Job 15:18 –  So everyone suffers, or just wicked men? I’m not sure. The -Ites are try their hand in saying that things will be well for him if he would just be a good little Christian (and wait, I suppose), but Job is having NONE of it. All his life he’s had not to fight, but he’s been a good boy and he doesn’t want to be tortured if he was good. Then the -Ites dare to say that Job shouldn’t rise against God or complain about his treatment because only bad men do that and as long as he is pure and righteous thing will be alright for him. He’s just gotta wait until the bet is over.

No, seriously, I have no idea how this ends but I believe this should have been over a long time ago.

A regular person would have stopped this a long time ago- probably after seeing the servants all with slit throats, or maybe after killing a bunch of kids. Again, is God eating popcorn and watching all this unfold, watching as Job gets angry at himself and his situation, and watching the -Ites speak on His behalf although this was all a twisted little game between him and Satan so that these chapters, this book could be written in the Bible and shown to other people who have bad things happen to them.

But this shows me, things can always get worse and worse and worse, and then you can even die- but at least you’ll be in heaven. You suffered for nothing, but God, the shoddy psychopath, is pleased.

Bible Study, Day 8, and, “Your maxims are proverbs of ashes.”

Job 11:1-14:22

(13:12) This is what I think every time any religious believer starts spewing age-old arguments for whatever is wrong with their religions. “Your maxims are proverbs of ashes”! Damn, this spoke to me so well I squealed like a child. I wish I had spoken these words, or something like them, before I had read them, but now I definitely will spit these out one day- how about to a devout Christian? Will they know this came from the Bible? Of course, different translations and all, it may be hard to recognize the words and sentiment of this verse, but it’s good.

11:4-6 – This would  be an awesome comeback if, again, God hadn’t said in the previous chapters that Job was blameless and pure. It may be true that “God has even forgotten some of [Job’s] sin”, BUT if this was to be a poignant point, it would need to stay forgotten. To say God forgot and that he has debt to pay would mean it’s not forgotten -______-

11:13-20 – So basically, when things don’t go so right for you, know that you’re awesome and good with God and things will get better. You know, like Joel Osteen and Donald Trump. Yea, you see where this might get ornery? There are people who most people generally believe are the scum of the Earth, but as long as they believe they are right with God, they’ll feel well about what they’re doing, and continue to do it. Instead of thinking that perhaps it was luck or they’re siphoning the faith of others or using the less lucky to their own nefarious ends- they think God has allowed this to happen because it’s a good thing, or something.

On the plus side, if you ARE doing all you can do to stay righteous and be good and all the shiznit, this is all you can do when things go wrong. Other than commit suicide. But think about the people you love, and if you don’t love a lotta people, think of the possibility of you fucking your suicide up and you become a vegetable or a drooling imbecile until you die- or various other things that can go even more wrong than suicide. Personally that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t for so long. I don’t want to get fucked up in the head any more than I am, lol

Job 12-13 – So Job knows how awesome and powerful  God is, and that, in this Bible-babble land, if you’re a good person, you’ll have a good life. He makes the awesome point that, yea, that helps him not one bit. Maybe he’s being impatient, but he wants to get rid of his misfortune NOW. And who wouldn’t? Especially if all your friends are saying that God will come in and swoop him off his feet in TLC. And all he asks is for God to tell him what he did wrong, or kill him. Of course, God isn’t going to answer because Job didn’t do anything wrong and He isn’t going to kill Job because…because….because???? I guess the bet with Satan is still on?

Job 14– The subtitle says “Man is Frail” for this chapter, comparing humans to trees and stuff that can grow back (and let’s not forget that trees don’t care about living or dying) and that humans don’t have much so at least God can keep tabs and bring sins up receipt-like before he starts torturing his subjects.