Tag Archives: BDSM

Gay Porn and other Delicacies Part One: A History

If you know me well, you would know that I find homosexual acts very objectifyingly satisfying. If this offends you in any way….

A IDGAF
You saw the title! Whatcha click for?

As I was saying, from a young age, I’ve enjoyed homosexual acts. As I’ve edited this post, I realized not only did/do I enjoy homosexual acts between men, it’s the same for women (and really, any consensual acts between attractive humans is pretty much okay).

In 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade- all three?- we had a porn video. We called it the ‘blank tape’ because, as you might’ve guessed, it was blank. I don’t remember who put it in the VCR first. Perhaps we all did before we all came together and realized that everyone else knew that the tape was nudie. Ma and Pa told us not to watch it, the youngest (Lil Sis and Lil Bro- both #2) would put it in the VCR all the time and laugh and giggle and do things that little kids do when they are being little assholes who do things they know they’re not supposed to do, yadda yadda yadda, and found a little interest in it.

One time, I watched it from the beginning to end. Under the pretense of sickness, I skimped out on Bible study to get the damn thing all to myself without worry of someone coming out of a room to catch me- though I’m sure someone had it in their mind that I would look at it.

It was made up of about five or six scenes, and the second scene- about 32 minutes in, maybe- was a lesbian scene. I didn’t know what things like aroused and turned on or horny meant, but I recognize now that the lesbian scene was indeed arousing.

But I skipped it. I was a God-fearing ten-or-so-year-old and I was already being terrible enough. Plus, I thought that the heterosexual couples were- don’t laugh- were, you know, together. Husband and wives and stuff.

stupid me

And I watched the rest, always with the lesbian scene in the back of my mind. I don’t know exactly what happened afterwards, but I believe Ma or Pa called home saying they went out to eat something and so, though I had planned to stop completely when I had satisfied my curiosity, I decided to watch the lesbian scene completely. I turned it up a little and it turned out to be a ‘mother’/’daughter’ thing. The ‘mother’ apparently cheated on the ‘daughter’ and the ‘daughter’ decided to punish her… by having sex with her… Or something.

You don’t care about ‘plot’ in porn and neither did I. Somewhat. I always enjoyed the scene more when I could hear it, even putting in earphones.

Around the same time, my aunt had an anime magazine. It had a review on the BL/yaoi/shounen ai/gay-romance-intended-for-a-female-audience Original Video Animation called “Fake”.

First BL

I most definitely was watching “Fake” on the DVD player around the same time as I would sneak the blank tape in the dying VCR. And it was only until the VCR died and all our VHS tapes disappeared that I started gay male romance hunting in earnest.

Let’s back up. There was only a very tiny anime picture for “Fake” in the magazine. My aunt had bookmarked it and, her being my favorite aunt then and now, I was completely interested in what had her smiling every time she looked at it.

The two characters you see had their faces close together and all, and at the time I had no fucking idea which was the girl and which was the boy (that’s heterosexual privilege by the way-you see people making lovey-dovey eyes and you start putting them in gender constructs!). I guessed the light-haired guy on the bottom was the girl, because, ya’ know, he was light-haired and on bottom.

But I went back to the article, because I tend to get batshit-obsessed with things until I completely figure them out. My aunt caught me and got pissed and so I was scared away for about a month.

And then the “Fake” DVD appeared in our house, held among my aunt’s possessions. I tried to watch it through my parents’ room; their door had windows in them so that I could see into that entertainment room in which my aunt would watch “Fake” alone. But she caught me and covered up the windows.

One day, while she was watching it, I actually read the review article on “Fake” by Sanami Matoh in the comfort of her room. I remember the way they wrote it came off to me in big neon lights as GAY PORN!!!!!! I was sure it was going to be just as raunchy as the lesbian scene. Later, aunt went out drinking or something and the family went to Bible study and I, legit, had to practice my trombone for a chair test coming up (a chair test that started me in the first three chairs for the rest of my middle school career, as I would never, ever be among the last again). 

I watched all of “Fake”. I think there were two kissing scenes and dark-haired dude trying to undress light-haired dude. Overall, though I did like the ghost-and-murder plot and all, the GAY PORN!!!!!!! bit was quite lacking. Didn’t stop me from watching it at every opportunity, though. 

Of course, I still believed in god and all that…

Sexy Zechs-yStep back. My aunt also read fanfiction. She gave me a Dragon Ball Z fanfic with Bulma and Vegeta and told me to skip the ‘nasty’ parts. Of course, I read them. (Mama also gave me romance novels, where I realized that adult writing can be just as simple as what I read at school, and that the middle part of any piece of erotic writing is probably a sex scene).

And after/around that time (March 2000) the anime series Gundam Wing appeared on Cartoon Network. Gundam Wing had five main guys and was a catalyst not only for more serious anime to appear in America on a more regular basis (and not just Pokemon and Yugioh type shits to cater to children and their fetish for toys), but also for gay fanfiction. There were also two other main guys. Turkey Blondie up there and his best friend… lover… enemy… Very complicated have-to-watch-the-show-to-understand thing. They were my favorite couple to read.

Putting the pieces together, I started to look for gay erotic fanfiction because heterosexual fanfiction was either 1) Romance lovey-dovey same shit over and over utter crap 2) Straight-out porn. I mean, a lot of fanfiction- most of fanfiction is pretty much porn. But I’m talking about that porn porn. For example, you can’t really put A Rake’s Vow by Stephanie Laurens in the same category as Real Female Orgasms 13, as there’s something infinitely more pornographic about something about orgasms and a harlequin for which many can’t wait until the heroine and her lover bump uglies. Another post entirely. 

And that’s when I found yaoi (or, as I like to call it, BL, so I could encompass shounen-ai). The main distinction between the two is that yaoi is a lot more pornographic than shounen-ai, usually. Yaoi is an acronym for it, really. While shounen-ai translates to boys’ love, and is more about, you guessed it, love between males. Of course, all of this is targeted towards females, because Japanese females like that stuff- and so do a lot of other females, of course. That is to say, it’s not at all representative of gay men in reality. although some, like heterosexual fiction, may hit close to home to many.

BL is short for boys’ love but has gotten distinct from shounen-ai as that it usually includes yaoi nowadays.

HomosinYou might have figured out that I might have had a little trouble reconciling my penchant for gay porn (when I started watching porn, my interest could only stay on lesbian porn. Gay male porn was just soooo… Quiet… And hard to find when I was so young!) with my Christian beliefs and over and over I would pray to stop finding any pleasure in it, or promising the lord that I’ll never look at it again. I had a few crazy things happen when my parents saw or read what I read- back when they thought homosexuality caused AIDS and that the ‘lifestyle’ including unlimited sex and drugs and hell-bentness.

My mind had shut down and I was just so angry and depressed- over gay porn really! I couldn’t find interest in anything except books, but then I would get sexually aroused and nothing really eased that unless I read some yaoi.

I went back to it (duh) and eventually gave up god and have been doing my own thing ever since.

I wrote fanfiction, and now I work mainly on original stuff. But my desire for different, alternative sexualities and genders and sex(es) has me writing about male-leaning hermaphrodites in a fantasy slave society. I also identify with the kink scene and wish for deeper submission within myself and within such a society. I actually started with the rough stuff around middle school. Unfortunately, that was also a time where I got more selective with what gay porn I was reading (or what lesbian porn I was watching). I particularly remember several things that I perused oftener than anything else, or before trying out something new:

  • Velvet by Kumiko– A fanfiction between the main male adult characters in “Gundam Wing”, and one other of the main five. Basically, Turkey Blonde takes in Ginger, an ex-lawyer who was kidnapped and put into a whole slave ring sort of deal. Turkey Blondie is the master of the house and demands obedience. Chinese main guy is already his very obedient slave. Well, drama and kink ensue and it’s terribly wonderful and very much the fanfic that set me spiraling into BDSM. I lost it around 2003 and didn’t find it again until, I think, 2010. And I was ecstatic.
  • A Little Wager by Casual Otaku– Another fanfic. The main couple rivals of the video game series King of Fighters. I was actually going to skip it because it seemed super weebo with the terrible bits of Japanese thrown in so often and the fall-quickly-in-love trope. But with the author’s little tidbits, I had a feeling the person knew exactly what they were doing. So I kept on. Basically, one guy loses to another guy in a bet and has to do everything he says (haha, so original). Of course, the winner makes him his slave and then things get really heated and further into BDSM I go.
  • Kneel by bastmoon– …Fanfic! Hahaha! Between the co-protagonist and lead antagonist of anime “Fushigi Yuugi”. Pro gets taken prisoner by Anta. I could tell I was into some rough stuff because I didn’t follow “Fushigi Yuugi” at all. My aunt had one video which I watched the bloopers of over and over. However, I became super attached to this bit o’ porn.
  • Starts With a Spin by maxine– A Harry Potter, Draco/Harry fanfic that I’mma add just to show that I’m not only a sadist/masochist. I’ve read this four times!

You might be wondering…

Why though

 

When I was in 9th grade, my parents told me I would grow out of anime and video games, for various reasons, and that I’ll never follow through with them as a career or anything. I believed them, too, wanting to be a thoracic surgeon or some sort intensive doctor like that throughout my middle years in high school. Yeaaah…. That followed through, didn’t it?

I can’t really think of why. There really wasn’t any turning point that I remember. When I was very young, five-six-seven and on, I remember imagining Barbie’s friends doing horrible things to Barbie while she was naked, and the characters of video game Tekken 2 getting together, doing vague nakey stuff, and having babies and fighting bad guys of various natures (I was big on an oatmeal… Like, everyone would be naked and covered in oatmeal and fighting bad guys). Now that I really think about it… I was pretty much destined for some really out-of-this-world shit.

But what, exactly, am I into in regards to Gay Porn and Other Delicacies, and what do I recommend as part of my crazy-ass psyche?

How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits
How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits

Hot Nerds and “A Maléan Demon”, Second Go

Started this chapter in October...
Started this chapter in October…

And I finished it sometime this morning and published it on Aarinfantasy- I’m not expecting much from there, but until my web protection clears the adult fanfiction forum, that’s pretty much all I can do, but I think I’ve got an untapped demographic.

On yahoo there is a slavery group, where people write a very specific type of slave fiction. I’m on there for the reads, though the stories are mostly horribly slow-going psychological adventures from a first-person view of a slave, mainly in a realistic, modern environment. I can get the draw in that, but I joined the forum, seeing as the group are almost exclusively male, for a bit more smut. Anyway, as for demographics, I posted a few times talking about some stories this week, and the number of views to my wordpress jumped, clicks coming from mainly my yahoo profile. And then there were some guys who wanted me to share my writing with the group. That’s basically what the main image is for.

Awkward hot guy I think I’mma break away from “The Maléan Cages” and work on the rewrite for “Demon” and write my new story on the slave yahoo group. Actually, it’s not think, I will do this.

As you may know, I”m not exactly fond of realistic fiction unless it’s ridiculously well done, or gay, though even that I can’t seem to keep my head on. I have Maurice by E.M. Forster, and though it is written very well, and Forster got his characters throwing shade all over the damn place, I find myself  reading something supernatural in between pages. Even gay kink, it just doesn’t fit well into my mental space.

Still, I managed to think up a plotline to appease the specifics of the slave yahoo group. Here are some general guidelines for the group:

 1. The story is in first-person. I tend to despise first-person in general (though “Demon” and “Gem” are in first-person, I find it hard to like it in my writing or others’)

2. The story is in a slave’s point-of-view most of the time. This feels highly pornographic, like how in porn you see mostly the female’s reaction and body language. In gay pornography, it is more even, which drives me insane. If bottoms in gay porn would just be more vocal, or the top a little more vocal, that would be great. Instead, I end up going to lesbian porn, where it seems like everyone is having a good time- but they tend to fake it more often than not…

3. The government/world condones slavery. This can go all places. As a black female, I’m proud to say that most of the authors I”ve seen are equal opportunity when making up their little universe. The rest tend to view white people as inferior. Crazy, right?

4. The master(s) are very comfortable with keeping slaves. This is the only view that I’m comfortable with.

5. The slave is not comfortable with being slave, and the story hinges on their budding slavehood. Sometimes this is very well-done (as in, men who didn’t want to be slaves still don’t like being slaves at the end of a story) buuuuut most of the time a story descends to a slave becoming some sort of master-stalker-crazy-slut. Bleh.

I haven’t thought of a title, but I’ve gotten the picture above.  I wanted a ‘hot nerd’. Of course, I didn’t really get nerds. I got hot girls and guys wearing glasses. Suddenly, hundreds of pictures through google, I found this guy. He’s some actor, Korean (Choi?), and his picture was titled ‘hot nerd’. I don’t know how he managed to pull off that awkward look (the picture would have been too long, but he’s sitting in a really stiff pose) but it was perfect. Only female ‘hot nerds’ have long hair, but I wanted someone with long, greasy hair. An ‘Ugly Betty’ sort of thing.

Anyway, in a society that condones slavery, some guy looking similar to ‘hot nerd’ (probably someone of mixed race, though) gets caught hacking a database belonging to a company selling popular high-end children’s toys. Lo and behold, he also finds out the company sells weapons to the government. By selling the toys at an overpriced value, the company profits enough to make weapons, which the company uses to tip the government in their favor.

‘Hot nerd’ was intended for neutralization (knowing too much and all that) by the government and most of the company’s shareholders, until one of the biggest holders of the company’s stock decided to make him his slave.

And it goes on from there. It keeps going off from realism, but I’m reining it in.

Somewhat Damien... Add green eyes, black hair.
Somewhat Damien… Add green eyes, black hair.

Same thing is going for “Demon”. Chapter 6 is dominated by Ashekli, which is understandable, though unintended. I have big plans for mostly every character, but Ashekli is one of the bigger ones.

Though I’m learning to draw, I don’t have a scanner, which is a good excuse to not show all of you my poor excuses for executing my characters’ faces. This picture here- Tite Kubo’s Bleach’s Kaname Tousen- is close to what Damien looks like. But Damien has green eyes and black hair. Kubo has the hair about right, but Damien is much thicker bodywise and may be even taller (he’s 7’3″).

It was extremely hard to find pictures for my characters, because they are dark-skinned. And the number of ethnic characters in video games or anime is quite small. Dismally so. You might want to ask, why don’t I just find real people? Well, I don’t know how to find good people who are bursting feeling- like Tousen above, or Elena below. I mainly find models and celebrities, and they don’t give off the right vibes.  Oddly enough, there’s blue-eyed blondes just about everywhere in anime and video games. Although….

This captures one of the essences of Ashekli
This captures one of the essences of Ashekli

Ashekli has blond (hay-colored) hair and blue eyes. Capcom’s Street Fighter’s Elena fits Ashekli the most. Tite Kubo’s Matsumoto has the length and fleshiness of Ashekli’s hair. Elena is a bit too skinny up top and cannot compensate for Ashekli’s hermaphroditic body (well, no one can, so far).

I like this picture very much, for Ashekli is from a rural area famous for warriors, and Elena’s carrying a fucking fish over her shoulder.

Here are some of Ashekli’s quotes from this published chapter:

“Wait… What? Earth? Brekar’s son? Oh, my God! So amazing! Are you serious!” At this moment Ashekli was screaming, inviting odd stares and laughs. “Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God! So whatcha doin’? Are you training under him? Is he outta his cave?” He squealed, coming close and nearly slamming his body into mine. “Are you training under Keen Bodesh? Karti Na? Oh! Marikari Tibbith? Saucy stuff that, yea?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight,” Ashekli murmured. “You know how ya panic right before you get on a roller coaster? I’ve only ridden a few but, like, the first couple times, I was like telling me Pa, ‘I can’t do it, I can’t do it’, even though I was working up for it and everythang… Butcha see? Once you’re on the ride, you ain’t gotta worry no more? So why do it?” 

Obviously, Ashekli has an accent and likes to talk. Though he’s proud of his beauty, he doesn’t seem to accept his impressive brawn. He also can’t accept injustice, and has a naive superhero vibe coming from him. This chapter he worms his way into Damien’s heart in various ways, and sets the ball rolling for Damien fulfilling destiny (or something corny along those lines).

Damien’s ‘mother’ Ashelee is from the same village as Ashekli. He doesn’t have an accent when he speaks English (most Maléans don’t), but, unknown to Damien because he’s never heard Ashelee  speak Maléan, Ashelee’s accent is even worse than Ashekli’s.

Ashelee, maybe This Tousen fanart does Ashelee the most justice. This thinner-haired, thin-bodied, vulnerable-seeming Tousen is mostly how Ashelee looks and feels. As a slave of one of the most powerful Maléans on the planet, the target of unrequited obsessive love, and with telepathic abilities, this picture screams Ashelee. Ashelee also wields swords and is extremely prideful (as I remember Tousen being).

I couldn’t find a picture to represent Delgio. He’s a huge, terrifying guy that would be a bad guy ANYWHERE ELSE. He’s really just a bad guy on the good side in my story. Why? Because that’s real life. We have psychopaths we’re not executing, though if they were in any movie, we would cheer for their deaths, but real life and real people do things to you.

The closest to psychopathic beauty I can represent Delgio with is Scar. Yes, the jealous bro’ from “The Lion King”. He’s also the reason why having green eyes (and the color green) is such a big thing on Malé.

Okay- just took a break to look up ‘hot scary anime male’. I got something close to Delgio Kar.

Delgio Kar

This is a pretty solid representation, down to the damn fangs. Unless you know who this guy is (which would probably break the spell), the feeling you have right now after seeing that picture would probably be similar to how you would feel after meeting Delgio Kar, on a nice day. Of course, Delgio is dark-skinned, and has green eyes and dreadlocks, but this, this came out of no where, and I’m glad I found it.

Now, imagine Delgio on a bad day, and he gets mad at you. His eyes turn to these:

black eyes delgio Without the tattoo thingy coming out, though.

So between, anime-influenced people in “A Maléan Demon”, and a ‘realistic’ piece of fiction…

….

“Omega Testing”, I have a good source of writing material. Plus, I need to catch up with 642!

“642 Things to Write About” while niece runs around

We aim for 10:15, but man, it’s Saturday, you know how things are.

Prompt #4: Write Facebook status updates for the year 2017

My response: 

Jan 1: I lived until 2017! In 2013 I made a post on a blog I have (had?) about this very Facebook status. At the time I had about a dozen people following, I had published about 30 posts and “A Maléan Demon”, “Gem”, some oneshots, plenty fanfics on Ai no Kusabi and some chapters of my discouraging “Cages”. I haven’t written about Cages in months at the time, but I was rewriting “Demon”. I just had one of the most disappointing birthdays ever, and found out that Young Justice was getting canceled for the year. One of my favorite shows then! I hope this years birthday is a lot better!

Feb (birthday!): It’s my birthday! Was it good? I hope it was! I’m 26! Do I have kids? Do I have a job? Am I in Japan? Do I have a master or mistress? Am I a WRITER? Can I draw now? How’s my niece in school? How’s my sisters and brothers? Do they have (more) kids? Do my parents have the house they always wanted? Is everyone happy? Can I do martial arts? Am I famous?!

Valentine’s Day: Happy V-Day from the past!

July 4th: Am I in Japan not looking at fireworks?

September (sister’s birthday): Happy Birthday! Long ago, we wrote about this! You should remember it!

October 31: Trick-or-treating would be great in Japan, where the streets and convoluted and unnamed.

December 25: Has Christmas been commercialized enough so that Ma wouldn’t talk behind my back on how I’m an athiest and celebrating Christmas? Maybe it’s been renamed! Do I still get video games?

My sister’s response: 

It’s my b-day! 21 baby! You know what that means? That’s right, internet surfing! (next day) I’m pregnant! Like if you think it’s a boy, comment if you think it’s a girl! Pray that they are twins. Too happy! Quite nervous though, but it’s going to be fun. I mean, I already took care of [niece] for about 6 years. Piece o’ cake.

~~~~My sis is a fucking riot!!!! Hahahaahahaaha!