Tag Archives: Genesis

Bible, Day 27

Genesis 37:1-39:23

Summary: Joseph, King of Dreams.

37:2- “This is the account of Jacob”, but this is clearly the account of Joseph. I suppose this is a misprint….ABZ says further that this is the account of the descendants of  Jacob, which is probably what is meant when one says account of.

Not trying to downplay what the brothers-minus-Reuben did, selling his brother for a few pieces of silver and managing to trick Jacob/Israel by putting some blood on the robe, although Jacob/Israel made sure to note that the brothers were jealous of Joseph….Besides allll that, can people not make it so blaringly obvious that they like some people over the others. Jacob/Israel gave him a beautiful robe for that express purpose

Also, what happened to what happened with Dinah and Schechem? Didn’t that cause trouble of any nature???

38– What I got from this chapter is that women want to be married off and have children, and that’s very much acceptable. BUT 9-10, THIS was wicked? And the offspring won’t be his- when has that ever stopped anyone in the Bible? And how was he ‘put to death’, and the other brother?

:24 – He was going to burn his daughter-in-law for being a prostitute but he sought the services of a prostitute in the first place. Ain’t that a bag of nastiness. And since she had sons, their births were accurately reported. Or maybe because she was of a different religion than the prostitutes in the area (there were shrine prostitutes for a different kind of goddess in the area)

39 – So God influences everything that Joseph put his hands on. And so he has the power to directly influence things, and when we converse of the Dilemma of Evil for religion’s take of God’s omnibenevolence, it is said that God’s plans are unfathomable when in fact things are extremely fathomable!

And Joseph seems to be a saint, ‘cuz it sounds like he’s working hard and takin’ everythin’ in stride


Bible, Day 25, People be forgettin’

Genesis 31:1-32:32

Summary: The story of Jacob leaving Laban and Jacob returning to his brother Esau and everything makes me question this God-of-the-Bible. I better read in Revelations or Peter why God gives the world the silent treatment.

31:3– He SAID TO JACOB. We know for certain this nigga ain’t perfect so why is God gabbing away and popping up in this dude’s dreams all his life but is now utterly silent? Questions!

:7 – Changed wages ten times? Like, lower wages? Higher wages?

:8 – Okay, so ABZ says not to doubt this dream of Jacob because it was verified elsewhere but we know how people can get around revelations and premonitions, but beyond that- We’ve read with 30:37-43 that Jacob SPECIFICALLY influenced the outcome of the sheep’s physiology with the branches from “poplar, almond and plane trees“…. sooooo how is Jake gonna say that God influenced the outcome, making all the young speckled because Jake wanted specks, and making all the young streaked because Jake wanted the streaks? Are we just going to ignore that?

:19- “When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father’s household gods.” Gods! Are there other gods? Are other religions okay? Why did Rachel take those? From verses 14-16, it seems both Leah and Rachel believe in Jacob’s god (and, indeed, there seems to be a poignant effort to point out whose god is whom’s)

:24- “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.” Sooooo, basically, God wants Laban to leave or speak through a mediator? ABZ clarifed- “Be careful that you do not speak from good to bad”, Gooootcha. Why are they different???

:38– It’s not hard to believe that Jacob was ill-treated (more often than what was said before) while with Laban, but then Laban can’t find his gods (I guess wooden or stone idols), but Rachel DID steal them. How have people who’ve read this ever learned to trust or really, truly believe another person when things can be hidden like this? Also, ABZ explained further why the idols were important, and not because they were gods (of course) but because those who had possession of the idols can claim Laban’s inheritance, so the idols work as a blessing or heirloom or will of sorts.

:53- ABZ puts, as extra, thusly “Jacob swore only by [the one true God] the Dread and Fear of  his father Isaac, while Laban swore by some other things. I guess holy wars weren’t a thing here? Or maybe it was because they were relatives? I wonder.

32:32– Principle of the matter I guess, but it doesn’t seem as if anyone asked them to do this.

back to 32:24-32– So Jacob-turned-Israel wrestled with God and God lost (?????). And God can make himself into the shape of a man and talk to people? And he uses this power to wrestle Jacob and knock his hip socket out of place so that Israelites would put hip socket tendons on the non-Kosher list? So damn random!

Bible, Day 24, Back to Ridiculousness 2/2

Genesis 28:10-30:43

Summary: This story is so fucking ridiculous. Basically the telling of Jacob and his wives and how God messes with all of them. On top of that, the regular sexism of the age is made so dastardly prominent that I believe I had a permanent scowl on the entire time I was reading these passages. Let’s dive in.

28:10– so Jacob has left and he has a premonition or a dream or God visits him or something. It says in 12 that he dreamed, but then Jacob really felt some type of way because he calls that random place where it got dark it the ‘gateway’ to heaven. And it seems he made that decision on his own. Anyway, this is mostly wish fulfillment so that the goatmen listening know that they are special, or to convert so that they can become one of the special ones. Moving on.

20:17-18 – I’m always lookin’ into the order things are explained because usually the order has some logical explanation. So it is expressed that Rachel was prettier than Leah, and the next verse we have Jacob loving Rachel, which puts to mind that the reason he loves Rachel more than Leah is because Rachel was prettier than Leah, and that seems very likely.

20:25– How are these men being tricked so easily? I know Jacob is a bit young so couldn’t he hear the difference between Leah and Rachel? Did Leah not speak or make a sound?  Had candles not been invented yet? And why is Laban such a jackass? Why does Jacob have to work another seven years, and why would he agree to that? And is that all a woman is worth- seven years? And what does/do Rachel and/or Leah think about this?

:31– Why is Rachel barren if God can, at any time, make her not barren? Didn’t he see the misery coming?  Leah has, what, five sons by the time Rachel throws her maid at Jacob so that she can ‘have a family through her’. How does that work exactly? Is her maid not a person, so it counts as hers because the maid is hers? Is this an Unsullied sort of thing? UnsulliedBecause that was the exact kind of thinking that brought these boys along.

Speaking of boys, the preference of boys over girls is never explained. And there is no good reason for it. Some have said in the past (who am I kidding, they say it now) that is because boys are bigger and stronger and whatever, which is why so many people mourn the loss of ‘big strong manly men’ today, because it’s better to be that than anything else. And winning wars that we don’t need to have, that’s important too.

30:26 – So Laban knows he could get the good stuff through Jacob and convinces him to stay and Jacob fixes the sheep population so that he gets the big and strong sheep. I’m not sure how the branches work- maybe the whiteness of the inner wood rubs off on the babies? Anyway, there’s no way this plan would backfire.


Bible, Day 19, And what’s wrong with these people?

Genesis 16:1-18:33

Summary: God keeps making promises and we see the beginning of the end for Sodom and Gomorrah

16:11-12 – Um, is this a good thing? It seems he will live a hard life? And did Hagar want to have JJ Abram’s babies? Sarai is just going to pass her along like a good book to share? I guess that is a yes, since Hagar started to despise Sarai, although this version of the Bible isn’t exactly clear what Hagar is despising Sarai for- but one could guess.

17 – I like how cutting off the foreskin/genital mutilation had borne the PC euphemism of circumcision.  And why is God so fickle about what he wants as offerings for adoration, promises and covenants? Is it so hard to just promise? What is God doing on his side? Why is his word taken at face value? How in the fuck is genital mutilation of any benefit of him other than his rather large ego? I guess that’s it?

17:12 – “For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be [genitally mutilated] including those born in your household or [a slave]” Ah, euphemisms.

Also, Abram to Abraham, and Sarai to Sarah.

18:20 – So do gods have to physically go places to hear things? He can’t hear all things or know all things from some perch somewhere? 28-33 – OH MY GOD, WHO WROTE THIS SHIT030


Bible, Day 18, and the continuation of arbitrary favorites

Genesis 11:27-15-21

Here is the sub-caption: Abra was born around 2160 B.C., but the account of his life begins years later with his marriage to his half sister, Sarai. 



Why in the bloody hell are Christians the FIRST ones to be against sanguine marriages when their Bible is full of it? And why we pretending that our cousins haven’t been marrying for years? Now it’s bad because it’s weird and ‘bad things happen’ to the chillen but no one really knows.

Summary: Abram and Lot’s life and adventures, set up so that Abram’s people are given promises. I wonder how this story came up orally. I wonder if the promised people were changed with the area the storyteller visited.

11:29 – “Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife was Milcah; she was the daughter of Haran, the father of both Milcah and Iscah” WOOOOO- let’s slow down.  Teran had three boys, Abram, Nahor and Haran and possible one girl, Sarai. Haran died, but had a kid named Milcah, making her Abram and Nahor’s niece. NAHOR MARRIED HIS NIECE. ABRAM MARRIED HIS HALF-SISTER. And now Christians consider it pretty sinful to have sex with close relatives- but it wasn’t sinful then? Did God change his mind? I have questions!!!

11:31 – “his daughter-in-law Sarai”… So it was the mom’s kid? And the mom is where? Is who? Questions. Also, Haran is both a person and a place?

12:1-3 – Anyone want to tell me why Abram? Why was he special? Why not Lot, his nephew?

12:6-7 – “At that time the Canaanites were in the land” and then God just gives Abram this land? I suppose this was the beginning of the religious feeling behind taking over someone else’s land. And what do we mean by “appear”. Actual appearance? Wouldn’t that blind Abram? A voice? Wouldn’t that deafen him? A written note?

12:13 – “Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you” – SHE IS YOUR SISTER.

12:17 – Why punish anyone??? A little ‘appearance’ would have cleared this up in a jiffy, plus Pharaoh (they don’t put ‘the’) didn’t know. And anyway, SHE IS HIS SISTER

13 – Again, why Abram.

14 – What was this war about? Guess it doesn’t matter, as long as Lot is saved.

15 – Soooo God appears in visions- how is Abram taken outside? And isn’t he happy with what he got? No, he has to have a heir from his own loins get his wealth because reasons- no wonder the thought of kings, queens, and royalty caused so much strife in the world. People were just born chosen by god, and thus their children are also promised comfort and luxury, for no good reason.

Bible! Day 3, and Noah’s flood never happened

Genesis 7:1-9:29

Let me throw y’all this right quick: 7:24– “The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days”- Y’ALL, it didn’t just rain for 40 days and 40 nights; the earth was flooded for 150 days! What does this mean for the average man? That means, all the food and poop pickup, the fate of the creatures of the water, etc. have all been compounded nearly 4x. Noah, it says in this Bible, stayed nearly a year in that ark.

Also, should Christians be on the lookout for clean and unclean animals as it says they exist within the first four verses of Chapter 7 of Genesis- and here we are in Noah’s time.

8:1– “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark” and so God got to cleaning up the place, but my question is (and this happens a couple more times later in this segment), did God forget Noah? You don’t have to remember what you haven’t forgotten, you know what I mean? From the sound of these beginning pages, God was never meant to be all-knowing (or omnibenevolent either!) From here, also, why did Noah have to build an ark? Why would God need to send a flood? Y’all remember Prince of Egypt? God sent that smoky stuff to kill all the first born. This wasn’t possible because? Why kill most of the animals too?

9:12– “And God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you” etc. There is absolutely no need for a covenant or rainbow. God could have just had a promise, and it’s not like this covenant is trustworthy. Sure, he won’t ‘flood the earth’ but he can do pretty much anything else.

9:20-end – ARE YOU SERIOUS? Just in case some of you don’t know, there was a thing with white people who believed that black people (especially tribal Africans) were directly descended from Canaan, and I’m guessing it’s probably because they were more naked than most people. And Canaan was ‘meant’ to be a slave to his brothers, just as Africans were ‘meant’ to be the slave to white people.

Now that that’s over with. This wasn’t a big population- many people today would be able to count Canaan as an ancestor. Two, the guy saw another guy naked after being drunk, and he and his descendants get cursed for all eternity. Adam and Eve were naked for who knows how long- WHY is this a bad thing? These guys get upset over the stupidest things.

  1. Plot 3- This was a lot less exciting than I had remembered it. I kind of wanted more tension, but I suppose for goatmen, this was pretty exciting
  2. Credibility 1- It didn’t happen, and nothing about it makes sense.
  3. Reliability 4- Even if it wasn’t true, we know we could count on God to do some crazy magical shit somewhere down the line, even though this definitely didn’t happen.
  4. Clarity 1- What are kinds? Clean and unclean animals? Why was Noah so upset to be seen naked? Did none of the wives get pregnant or die from childbirth? So many  questions!
  5. Reality 1- If this was 1830, this would probably be a four, seeing as how people used to Bible (and not only this part) to reinforce their own selfish views on slavery. Also, most Christians or apologists I know see this story as more metaphorical than anything.  Of course, would than mean gods are simply metaphorical beings after all? How does that work?