Category Archives: writing

Bible, Day 24, Back to ridiculousness 1/2

So ol’ Wordyprez let me know that it’s been at least a month since the last time I’ve updated my blog site. And I usually slack off on social media if I’m having fun elsewhere, and that fun’s being had through chats and video games and wonderful family and people. So life is puuuurty  nice right now- even got an interview with a job I really really really really want.

But I was enjoying my little Bible studies, yes yes, and I was ultra excited when I got another specially made Bible from one of my sister’s friend’s mother. This lovely lady is just like my mom when it comes to religion- or, really, Christianity. What I call cloyingly religious. Like the phrase ‘cloyingly sweet’, no matter the situation or what part of the dessert you’re eating, religion makes its way in with all the delicacy as a waterfall of syrup.

It's Jesus!
It’s Jesus!

And that experience reminded me on why I had to pull no punches whatsoever with my atheism, because many times, no one else does. On top o’ dat, she knew I didn’t go to church and I bet she knew it was because I didn’t believe in any religions or gods. She repeatedly said that I should ‘try out God’ and ‘try out church’ and ‘remember God is in all things’ and was talking about how people are punished by God all the time, and I felt so damn disrespected.

Lemme tell you about one of the people that God punished in her life. I told her that I don’t deal with my mom very much because she’s not a good person right now but ain’t no one call tell her nothing- and it’s always been this way and I’ve only really just grasped it this year. Well Friend’s Mom starts talking about how this one woman in her life did very wrongly by her parents- said bad stuff, put ’em in a nursing home, treated them very wrong. Then she got cancer and died very quickly. She was in her early sixties. And while that seems like an everyday thing, that showed Friend’s Mom to always respect her parents. Lemme tell you, goddamnit, nothing sparks my fury faster than fucking gaslighting me (I get dreams- I guess nightmares?- about gaslighting nearly every day). It shows how you don’t know about me, or my life, or my effin’ parents. People automatically assume I’m being ungrateful or misunderstanding my parents or something. I think it’s because I’m a cool cat or something so my parents MUST be the ones to thank.

parents can be assholes

So I  might’ve been a bit biased on Friend’s Mom experience with Cancer Friend. But then! My sister told how she was going to visit an internet friend (went well by the way, everyone was who they said they were, sister had a fantastic time), and Friend’s Mom told us about another friend who met a man and it turned out he was evil and a pervert and they married and divorced within a month. Why was the man evil and a pervert? Because he watched porn.

Alright ok

I nearly asked, “What kind of porn?” But I had a feeling that that wasn’t the point. Now I know there are some feminists out there who find all porn to be the work of spoiled men who wanted to be sexually fulfilled at any moment and that pornography preyed on young women who needed money and a job- but I didn’t think that Friend’s Mom was that kind of anti-porn artist. My sister sent a still of above to my phone.

When we almost separated (I missed my bus the first go ’round, but we caught up with it- an hour early actually), Friend’s Mom gave me the Amplified Bible (ABZ) by Zondervan. ABZ uses extremely simplified translations that are more prose than Hebrew poetry. It has introductions and outlines and explanations in parenthesis and so I believe it’s addition will render my analyses more complete. Just to remind you, the other Bible I’m using is the New International Version One Year Chronological (NIVC). This foreword was a little longer than I expected, but I suppose that is to be expected after not writing for a while!

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Bible, Day 23, and Jacob Deceives Isaac! Didn’t see that coming.

J/K I did. Jacob means ‘he deceives’

Genesis 27:1-28:9

Summary: Jacob deceives poor Isaac when he’s old.

27 – Can’t he tell the difference between their voices? This is a ridiculous story. And what about Rebekah’s part in this plot? Well, I guess putting the blame squarely on the shoulders who did it is commendable, and Jacob did take Esau’s birthright, so it’s not like he didn’t want to take from Esau what was his, but your mother saying she’ll help you trick the dad does put some blame on said mother.

Can the blessing be passed on to only one kid? Why are we lording one kid over the other kids? Especially fucking twins? Do you want them to kill each other?

39 – Awesome blessing, Isaac. What is wrong with these people? Why didn’t he memorize two blessings?

45 – What’s up with these people and forgetting? I would never forget that my brother took a blessing reaching me and my wive s and my children and my children’s children for himself, and I get a shitty off-the-cuff blessing.

28:2 – Marry one of your cousins, Jacob. 8-9 Abraham son’s Ishmael who had a daughter named Mahalath married Esau. Abraham had Isaac and Ishmael. Mahalath is Esau’s cousin. Ok, that makes sense.

I pretty much skipped the rest. Made my eyes cross reading that crap.

Bible, Day 22, OH GOD NO MORE DESCENDANTS

Genesis 25:1-4, 1 Chronicles 1:32-33, Genesis 25:5-6, 1 Chronicles 1:34, Genesis 25:19-26, Genesis 25:7-11, Genesis 25:27-26:35

Summary- Descendants, Abraham dies and Isaac gets on the Strugglebus, or maybe the Notsostrugglemydadisroyaltybus

1 Chronicles 1:32 – Is concubine and wife synonymous?

34– I legit did not know there was a guy named Israel. Why not Isaac though? Like why Abraham and not Lot? Guess we don’t have the whole story. Or it’s made up and these are just huge plot holes that will be perpetually unfulfilled.

Genesis 25:19-23 – Why have them serving one to the other? Whyyyy? And any lady being barren means very little if God could sprinkle a pregnancy in her. Also, how old was Rebekah? Always with the ages of the men. Who cares? Jacob is named ‘he deceives’, as explained by this Bible’s footnote. He was named this. Y’all know The Lion King? Scar’s name, from whence came it? Also, y’all know he had an Swahili name that meant trash? But that makes sense because he was probably a small disgruntled baby and everyone thought he was going to die but (surprise) he lived, prolly kinda mad no one gave him a chance. But this is Jacob, who seems to be about to deceive someone. Why name him that at birth? Or maybe this is a made up story and the names fit with their place in the plot.

Genesis 25: What about the concubine/wife? She dead, alive? Who cares, I guess.

So Esau was literally famished and he sold his birthright to Jacob for some stew his brother was making? Come on guys.

26:10 – “might well have slept with your wife” – You mean raped her? Why aren’t we using rape? Or is rape in this time literally just the taking of a wife from her husband? The sex is just the icing on the cake?

For the rest, Isaac gets to wealthy and the king there says GTFO. Which they do. Then ol’ king comes back saying there should be an alliance? I guess it does show Isaac’s character that he was like, ‘sure, whatevs’.

Esau married two women, Judith and Basemath. Why is polygamy a sin again? I’m not sure if the ‘they’ in this verse means Esau’s wives or their son?

Bible, Day 19, And what’s wrong with these people?

Genesis 16:1-18:33

Summary: God keeps making promises and we see the beginning of the end for Sodom and Gomorrah

16:11-12 – Um, is this a good thing? It seems he will live a hard life? And did Hagar want to have JJ Abram’s babies? Sarai is just going to pass her along like a good book to share? I guess that is a yes, since Hagar started to despise Sarai, although this version of the Bible isn’t exactly clear what Hagar is despising Sarai for- but one could guess.

17 – I like how cutting off the foreskin/genital mutilation had borne the PC euphemism of circumcision.  And why is God so fickle about what he wants as offerings for adoration, promises and covenants? Is it so hard to just promise? What is God doing on his side? Why is his word taken at face value? How in the fuck is genital mutilation of any benefit of him other than his rather large ego? I guess that’s it?

17:12 – “For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be [genitally mutilated] including those born in your household or [a slave]” Ah, euphemisms.

Also, Abram to Abraham, and Sarai to Sarah.

18:20 – So do gods have to physically go places to hear things? He can’t hear all things or know all things from some perch somewhere? 28-33 – OH MY GOD, WHO WROTE THIS SHIT030

 

Bible, Day 18, and the continuation of arbitrary favorites

Genesis 11:27-15-21

Here is the sub-caption: Abra was born around 2160 B.C., but the account of his life begins years later with his marriage to his half sister, Sarai. 

HALF SISTER SARAI

HALF SISTER SARAI

Why in the bloody hell are Christians the FIRST ones to be against sanguine marriages when their Bible is full of it? And why we pretending that our cousins haven’t been marrying for years? Now it’s bad because it’s weird and ‘bad things happen’ to the chillen but no one really knows.

Summary: Abram and Lot’s life and adventures, set up so that Abram’s people are given promises. I wonder how this story came up orally. I wonder if the promised people were changed with the area the storyteller visited.

11:29 – “Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife was Milcah; she was the daughter of Haran, the father of both Milcah and Iscah” WOOOOO- let’s slow down.  Teran had three boys, Abram, Nahor and Haran and possible one girl, Sarai. Haran died, but had a kid named Milcah, making her Abram and Nahor’s niece. NAHOR MARRIED HIS NIECE. ABRAM MARRIED HIS HALF-SISTER. And now Christians consider it pretty sinful to have sex with close relatives- but it wasn’t sinful then? Did God change his mind? I have questions!!!

11:31 – “his daughter-in-law Sarai”… So it was the mom’s kid? And the mom is where? Is who? Questions. Also, Haran is both a person and a place?

12:1-3 – Anyone want to tell me why Abram? Why was he special? Why not Lot, his nephew?

12:6-7 – “At that time the Canaanites were in the land” and then God just gives Abram this land? I suppose this was the beginning of the religious feeling behind taking over someone else’s land. And what do we mean by “appear”. Actual appearance? Wouldn’t that blind Abram? A voice? Wouldn’t that deafen him? A written note?

12:13 – “Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you” – SHE IS YOUR SISTER.

12:17 – Why punish anyone??? A little ‘appearance’ would have cleared this up in a jiffy, plus Pharaoh (they don’t put ‘the’) didn’t know. And anyway, SHE IS HIS SISTER

13 – Again, why Abram.

14 – What was this war about? Guess it doesn’t matter, as long as Lot is saved.

15 – Soooo God appears in visions- how is Abram taken outside? And isn’t he happy with what he got? No, he has to have a heir from his own loins get his wealth because reasons- no wonder the thought of kings, queens, and royalty caused so much strife in the world. People were just born chosen by god, and thus their children are also promised comfort and luxury, for no good reason.

Bible, Day 16-17, And He speaks again!

Job 38:1-39:30

And so God Almighty talks about all the godly things he can and does do. As great as God is, or anything at all is, I don’t believe anything is without question. Yea, I don’t know everything, but it’s real fucked up for God to be coming out the woodworks with supposedly wise sayings when this all started because he wanted to prove Satan wrong. Did we forget how all this started?

And then there are animals doing animals things without knowing what could go wrong. Don’t know about how some animal or another “laughs at horse and rider”, but whatever. This chapter was a  lot of babble so I’mma just continue to the next chapter.

~~~~~~~~

Job 40:1-42-17

40:14 – “Then I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you” – 10.5-11 – “Who then is able to stand against me? Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me.”

41 – Are we talking about a crocodile or a dragon? Because all this fire and brimstone sounds… untrue? Also, we can kill crocodiles pretty easily now so… This chapter is useless.

42 – NOPE NOPE NOPE. So the moral of the story is that God is great and don’t question him? And why couldn’t God come sooner? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question him… And what about the kids and servants who died, where is their justice? Oh, right, god is great, don’t question  him. And did god ever tell Job that he was fucking with him for entertainment , bred out of a playful rivalry between him and Satan? Oh right god is great don’t question him.

I wonder if Job loves Big Brother as well.

Holy shit…

Also, I saw that the person who wrote this book wrote it as a parable- so perhaps it was meant to be written like a poem and treated like one of Aesop’s fables- but NOPE, this is a series of events believed to have actually happened and Job was an actual person.

What disappoints me most is that Job is a person I remembered from childhood so I thought his story would be extremely convincing to a nonbeliever such as myself. But it has left me wanting and irritated.

 

Bible, Day 13, and that Game of Thrones finale!!!

Job 30:1-31:40

Job is still complaining or repeating his grievances or being Ed Sheeran, whatever and he tells God to more directly lat out his sins so that he could learn from his mistakes or at least know exactly why he is being punished (again, we must remember that Satan and God had a meaningless bet based on pride to put Job’s life in shambles and see what makes him tick)

Job 31:23 – “For I dreaded destruction from God, and for fear of his splendor I could not do such things.” Oooooo, this makes me super uncomfortable… That’s why you don’t do bad thing like coveting people’s wives and beating orphans? Because god might hurt you? Lol, how well did that work out for you?