Tag Archives: male

Hot Nerds and “A Maléan Demon”, Second Go

Started this chapter in October...
Started this chapter in October…

And I finished it sometime this morning and published it on Aarinfantasy- I’m not expecting much from there, but until my web protection clears the adult fanfiction forum, that’s pretty much all I can do, but I think I’ve got an untapped demographic.

On yahoo there is a slavery group, where people write a very specific type of slave fiction. I’m on there for the reads, though the stories are mostly horribly slow-going psychological adventures from a first-person view of a slave, mainly in a realistic, modern environment. I can get the draw in that, but I joined the forum, seeing as the group are almost exclusively male, for a bit more smut. Anyway, as for demographics, I posted a few times talking about some stories this week, and the number of views to my wordpress jumped, clicks coming from mainly my yahoo profile. And then there were some guys who wanted me to share my writing with the group. That’s basically what the main image is for.

Awkward hot guy I think I’mma break away from “The Maléan Cages” and work on the rewrite for “Demon” and write my new story on the slave yahoo group. Actually, it’s not think, I will do this.

As you may know, I”m not exactly fond of realistic fiction unless it’s ridiculously well done, or gay, though even that I can’t seem to keep my head on. I have Maurice by E.M. Forster, and though it is written very well, and Forster got his characters throwing shade all over the damn place, I find myself  reading something supernatural in between pages. Even gay kink, it just doesn’t fit well into my mental space.

Still, I managed to think up a plotline to appease the specifics of the slave yahoo group. Here are some general guidelines for the group:

 1. The story is in first-person. I tend to despise first-person in general (though “Demon” and “Gem” are in first-person, I find it hard to like it in my writing or others’)

2. The story is in a slave’s point-of-view most of the time. This feels highly pornographic, like how in porn you see mostly the female’s reaction and body language. In gay pornography, it is more even, which drives me insane. If bottoms in gay porn would just be more vocal, or the top a little more vocal, that would be great. Instead, I end up going to lesbian porn, where it seems like everyone is having a good time- but they tend to fake it more often than not…

3. The government/world condones slavery. This can go all places. As a black female, I’m proud to say that most of the authors I”ve seen are equal opportunity when making up their little universe. The rest tend to view white people as inferior. Crazy, right?

4. The master(s) are very comfortable with keeping slaves. This is the only view that I’m comfortable with.

5. The slave is not comfortable with being slave, and the story hinges on their budding slavehood. Sometimes this is very well-done (as in, men who didn’t want to be slaves still don’t like being slaves at the end of a story) buuuuut most of the time a story descends to a slave becoming some sort of master-stalker-crazy-slut. Bleh.

I haven’t thought of a title, but I’ve gotten the picture above.  I wanted a ‘hot nerd’. Of course, I didn’t really get nerds. I got hot girls and guys wearing glasses. Suddenly, hundreds of pictures through google, I found this guy. He’s some actor, Korean (Choi?), and his picture was titled ‘hot nerd’. I don’t know how he managed to pull off that awkward look (the picture would have been too long, but he’s sitting in a really stiff pose) but it was perfect. Only female ‘hot nerds’ have long hair, but I wanted someone with long, greasy hair. An ‘Ugly Betty’ sort of thing.

Anyway, in a society that condones slavery, some guy looking similar to ‘hot nerd’ (probably someone of mixed race, though) gets caught hacking a database belonging to a company selling popular high-end children’s toys. Lo and behold, he also finds out the company sells weapons to the government. By selling the toys at an overpriced value, the company profits enough to make weapons, which the company uses to tip the government in their favor.

‘Hot nerd’ was intended for neutralization (knowing too much and all that) by the government and most of the company’s shareholders, until one of the biggest holders of the company’s stock decided to make him his slave.

And it goes on from there. It keeps going off from realism, but I’m reining it in.

Somewhat Damien... Add green eyes, black hair.
Somewhat Damien… Add green eyes, black hair.

Same thing is going for “Demon”. Chapter 6 is dominated by Ashekli, which is understandable, though unintended. I have big plans for mostly every character, but Ashekli is one of the bigger ones.

Though I’m learning to draw, I don’t have a scanner, which is a good excuse to not show all of you my poor excuses for executing my characters’ faces. This picture here- Tite Kubo’s Bleach’s Kaname Tousen- is close to what Damien looks like. But Damien has green eyes and black hair. Kubo has the hair about right, but Damien is much thicker bodywise and may be even taller (he’s 7’3″).

It was extremely hard to find pictures for my characters, because they are dark-skinned. And the number of ethnic characters in video games or anime is quite small. Dismally so. You might want to ask, why don’t I just find real people? Well, I don’t know how to find good people who are bursting feeling- like Tousen above, or Elena below. I mainly find models and celebrities, and they don’t give off the right vibes.  Oddly enough, there’s blue-eyed blondes just about everywhere in anime and video games. Although….

This captures one of the essences of Ashekli
This captures one of the essences of Ashekli

Ashekli has blond (hay-colored) hair and blue eyes. Capcom’s Street Fighter’s Elena fits Ashekli the most. Tite Kubo’s Matsumoto has the length and fleshiness of Ashekli’s hair. Elena is a bit too skinny up top and cannot compensate for Ashekli’s hermaphroditic body (well, no one can, so far).

I like this picture very much, for Ashekli is from a rural area famous for warriors, and Elena’s carrying a fucking fish over her shoulder.

Here are some of Ashekli’s quotes from this published chapter:

“Wait… What? Earth? Brekar’s son? Oh, my God! So amazing! Are you serious!” At this moment Ashekli was screaming, inviting odd stares and laughs. “Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God! So whatcha doin’? Are you training under him? Is he outta his cave?” He squealed, coming close and nearly slamming his body into mine. “Are you training under Keen Bodesh? Karti Na? Oh! Marikari Tibbith? Saucy stuff that, yea?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight,” Ashekli murmured. “You know how ya panic right before you get on a roller coaster? I’ve only ridden a few but, like, the first couple times, I was like telling me Pa, ‘I can’t do it, I can’t do it’, even though I was working up for it and everythang… Butcha see? Once you’re on the ride, you ain’t gotta worry no more? So why do it?” 

Obviously, Ashekli has an accent and likes to talk. Though he’s proud of his beauty, he doesn’t seem to accept his impressive brawn. He also can’t accept injustice, and has a naive superhero vibe coming from him. This chapter he worms his way into Damien’s heart in various ways, and sets the ball rolling for Damien fulfilling destiny (or something corny along those lines).

Damien’s ‘mother’ Ashelee is from the same village as Ashekli. He doesn’t have an accent when he speaks English (most Maléans don’t), but, unknown to Damien because he’s never heard Ashelee  speak Maléan, Ashelee’s accent is even worse than Ashekli’s.

Ashelee, maybe This Tousen fanart does Ashelee the most justice. This thinner-haired, thin-bodied, vulnerable-seeming Tousen is mostly how Ashelee looks and feels. As a slave of one of the most powerful Maléans on the planet, the target of unrequited obsessive love, and with telepathic abilities, this picture screams Ashelee. Ashelee also wields swords and is extremely prideful (as I remember Tousen being).

I couldn’t find a picture to represent Delgio. He’s a huge, terrifying guy that would be a bad guy ANYWHERE ELSE. He’s really just a bad guy on the good side in my story. Why? Because that’s real life. We have psychopaths we’re not executing, though if they were in any movie, we would cheer for their deaths, but real life and real people do things to you.

The closest to psychopathic beauty I can represent Delgio with is Scar. Yes, the jealous bro’ from “The Lion King”. He’s also the reason why having green eyes (and the color green) is such a big thing on Malé.

Okay- just took a break to look up ‘hot scary anime male’. I got something close to Delgio Kar.

Delgio Kar

This is a pretty solid representation, down to the damn fangs. Unless you know who this guy is (which would probably break the spell), the feeling you have right now after seeing that picture would probably be similar to how you would feel after meeting Delgio Kar, on a nice day. Of course, Delgio is dark-skinned, and has green eyes and dreadlocks, but this, this came out of no where, and I’m glad I found it.

Now, imagine Delgio on a bad day, and he gets mad at you. His eyes turn to these:

black eyes delgio Without the tattoo thingy coming out, though.

So between, anime-influenced people in “A Maléan Demon”, and a ‘realistic’ piece of fiction…

….

“Omega Testing”, I have a good source of writing material. Plus, I need to catch up with 642!

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On my brother’s bed with my latest story

I like to write stories (well, I like to do a hell of a lot of things). Um, control + f Writing Block if you want to read about me and writing.. This turned out a lot longer than I intended. 

I also have bipolar disorder (and allergies and asthma and a high risk of stroke without ever smoking cigarettes). 

I went home from school in November. I think I wrote about that, and, if I didn’t, that’s not what I want to write about. I know I wrote about the comics I am reading. I’ve started rereading Tj and Amal after a marathon of recently discovered by moi Manly Men doing Manly Things (It’s absolutely hilarious). For some reason, I got really motivated to write. 

But I’ve been outta school going on three months, and because of constant procrastination and hopelessness and pride and lack of motivation- it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to go back to school at the end of January, which busted whatever healthy mentality I had left. Over these past weeks, I beat four games (Resident Evil Mercenaries, Resident Evil 6, The Walking Dead, and Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance…Hm, pick the one that doesn’t belong!) I was really motivated to beat the last two within the last two weeks because I’ve been sleeping 13 hour days and going into my “catatonic skipping” for most of the other 11. I’m a fucking mess.

Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to care in the least. No one else really does. Well, they’ll care if things become bad (like people do about gun control and rape culture), but most of the time it’s ignored. Not like I’m complaining- if I don’t care, why should anyone else? But it has gotten to a point where I start dwelling on that emo shit that nothing matters in the end and I’m all alone and fuck all what else. 

It’s not helping that my favorite person in the whole world (my brother) seems to have… We’ve kind of distance ourselves from each other. I’ve tried keeping up conversations with him- calling, texting, messaging on Facebook… But we’ve regressed to funny gifs passed between each other and lols. I have my pride, as I’ve said, and I don’t want to come across needy and desperate. My brother has my (what the hell- I meant his. Why did I put ‘my’?) own life to live. But to know that a relationship more precious than air can be rendered so makes me horribly bleak about the future. 

It doesn’t help that my other brother is on some fucking shtick. When I was at school, he and my father got in a fight. My brother was talking about killing himself at his school, and he was sent to a mental hospital and my dad was sent to jail for a week. That was in October. At first, I was all on my bro’s side because I was like- I understand some of your pain. I forgot how much of a little shit he is. He’s milking his situation for all it’s worth: threatening to call the police whenever Pops says boo shit to him, claiming to want to kill himself whenever he is forced to do homework or go to school or fucking apologize for some awful crap he says, and posting Facebook statuses threatening any and all who disagree with him. It’s gotten to a point where I honestly don’t even fucking like him anymore. And he’s such a shallow idiot, if he ever came across this and realized this was his sister, he’ll just be all tl;dr.

It doesn’t help that though my dad is getting the short end of the stick in the above situation, the man is still a gigantic asshole, and my bro’s behavior is his and Mama’s fault. All six of us kids have been telling our parents (since we eldest were in freakin’ elementary school) that they were spoiling him. When my dear brother and I were in high school, and my sister Statistic became such, we were afraid our youngest brother was going to turn out the same way, and we warned our parents. Dad continued to ignore us and Mama was forever like, “You were the same way when you were his age.” Now, it’s come to bite them in the ass. First of all, Mom can never say that shit to me again. When I was younger, and youngest idiot was in elementary school, I still was offended that my mother dare compare me to the likes of my younger brother- because he was a brat compared to me (I used to say that too, and she would say, “You’re a brat, too”). Those middle school years, I would remember when my dad would punch me or slap me or scream at me or call me “fucking stupid” or call me my brother’s slave or a little bitch or fight my brother. I remember in Kindergarten when I put on my favorite shirt and my dad hit me with the metal side of the belt because he was tired of it. I remember being smacked in the eye for choking on a piece of ice. I remember being hit in the stomach because I couldn’t hold my vomit when I got carsick. Yet, when I had told my parents that little bro yet again didn’t do his chores, and I did them for him so that everyone could be fine, I was the rebellious brat. 

Now that my bro is sixteen, I don’t really have to go back to that crap. When I was sixteen, I first chair in band, the only girl on the wrestling team, one of seven members of a high school chapter of a local sorority, making straight A’s, doing all the chores myself to keep a bunch of assholes happy. My bro is practically failing and hasn’t bathed in four days. 

To make me an even more terrible person (this is not sarcasm), I’m kind of glad this all happened. The assholes deserve each other. 

This whole experience hasn’t humbled my father in the least. We were playing Say Anything  (a tiny bit like Apples to Apples) and he was angry that the questions were unfair to people who didn’t know the ‘picker’ well. I.E. his wife and children. I argued that’s part of the game, and he came across so condescending and insulting, I made no efforts to make peace with him. Last night, my sister was finishing up The Walking Dead. She took a break and my dad came down from his room, thinking we were going to play something  more violent (we do play a lot of violent games. I convinced him to look at something so wonderful because The Walking Dead has a titillating amount of substance. Should have known he would ruin it… When the break was longer than he wanted- about seven minutes- he told me to play. I told him that she would miss the game. It was only after a bit of back and forth that I realized that my father hasn’t realized that the game industry has progressed beyond rather pointless coin-grabbing and dot-collecting. When I was trying to explain he suddenly got up and yelled, “Whatever, ya’ll are freakin’ pathetic” and left back to his room.

I told my mom to tell him not to call me pathetic anymore. She pats me on the goddamn arm and says something along the lines of “You know how he acts sometimes” and I told her to just make sure he doesn’t call me that anymore. Especially over something so stupid. Especially because he didn’t understand, and lashed out at me. 

Gee, I wonder why youngest bro has no sense of responsibility and ownership over the consequences of his actions. 

It doesn’t help (along those same lines) that my sister Statistic (the one with the new love of my life- my dear niece) gets drunk and/or high nearly every night, sexes up some guy on the internet nearly every night, complains about her ‘haters’ nearly every hour, and entertains/fantasizes about the thought of sending my niece to her father in New York for about a year. The guy who she couldn’t get to pay child support and so she has reaction formation about it- she made a Facebook video today to all the ‘bitches’ who try to make their ‘baby daddies’ pay child support. The guy who grabbed his daughter by the leg and shook her to make her stop crying. The guy who is a thousand of dollars in debt because he spent more on material to make Spice even as his child went hungry. The guy who made his daughter TERRIFIED of black men unless they grovel FOR WEEKS (or they always come by with candies and technology- i.e. my brother). 

Why does she entertain this idea, you may ask? She’s tired of ‘never doing anything she wants to do’ and ‘taking care of [niece]’. Mind you all her recreational activities. And let’s add her club-going and sneaking out the house- twenty fucking years old. Let’s add the fights she get into with her ‘haters’. The fights she talks about over and over and over and over to all her boy-friends. 

And whenever she gets a job- SHE’S HAD SO FREAKIN’ MANY- LIKE SEVEN OR EIGHT SINCE BEING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry for the caps… Not like anyone is still reading…. Well, she gets high or drunk or pissed and ends up getting fired. She always talks about joining the military. Gets a go about it for a week, two at most, and goes back to the usual stuff. It’s gotten to the point where no one thinks she’ll stick with anything… Kind of like when she started what my parents thought would be her rebellious phase, and was lying constantly so no one believed anything she says (still don’t). 

I’m not upset with her doing stupid shit. I do it enough as well. What I can’t stand is how she can’t own up to it- just like Pops and lil bro.Nothing is ever their fault and even when it obviously is, there’s something indefatigably stupid about you for pointing it out. 

It doesn’t help that my niece is her daughter. 

It doesn’t help that the other sister is on her way to becoming like me, socially wise. Things are probably going to be better for her though. She’s Christian, straight, pretty ‘girly’ in all its stereotypical connotations and concerned with things like popularity and such like that. When I asked her to help me write a Christmas card to a dying kid, she told me such kind of things make her jealous. “Over the cancer kid?” I had asked. She replied that was so. I told her that was bad. She simply shrugged and continued watching Netflix. She is the sibling I most connect to (because of anime, lack of self-esteem and certain books) but something changed then that made me lose all hope for a few days, and now makes my heart heavy. She’s overweight and has extremely high blood pressure, so that hurts her esteem. But she’s cute and funny, while I’m a hairy, bipolar, ugly bitch. 

Ewzers. 

It doesn’t help that my last brother is amazing, but because of age difference and personality differences we never really bonded as I did with my older brother, and now so far in our lives (like it’s sooooo far, haha) I don’t want to get close to him because I don’t want to be separated. 

But from my Writing Block, of which I intended to write and got way sidetracked, and making myself happier with comics, I opened up a story that I hadn’t updated, though I was so excited to share… I opened it up and anxiety welled up inside me. 

YOU CAN’T EVEN STAY IN SCHOOL! YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO FINISH THIS?

YOU’VE NEVER HAD A LOVER!

YOUR BROTHER DOESN’T CARE FOR YOU ANYMORE- HE HAS [HIM].

ISN’T THAT YOUR FIFTH DR. PEPPER?

YOUR FEET ARE CRACKED AND BLEEDING FROM SKIPPING- YOU’RE A LUNATIC.

YOU’RE STILL FANTASIZING ABOUT SOME DEUS EX MACHINA TO SAVE YOUR LIFE- HOW PATHETIC!

YOUR MONEY IS ALL GONE BECAUSE YOU SPEND IT TO FILL THAT VOID IN YOUR LIFE- THAT VOID THAT IS GOING TO GET BIGGER AND BIGGER AND BIGGER!

LOOK AT YOU, CRYING OUT FOR HELP- BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU. YOU’RE GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. EVERYONE KNOWS IT. 

YOUR FAMILY IS GOING TO GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE- YOUR MOM IS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER ANEURYSM. POPS IS GOING TO DIE OF CANCER AND YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL AWFUL. 

CHARLIE’S GOING TO BE LIKE [STATISTIC] OR END UP DEAD FROM NEGLECT. 

YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. 

YOU’RE BIPOLAR AND YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY. 

*cue shutting down computer music*

At Home

After quite a battle back and forth between depression and mania, I find myself having withdrawn from all my classes and at home, having just put the baby to sleep. I have not an ounce of work to worry about, but the bed bugs and lack of food has me worried. I have my games, and writing, and books- but a piece of me dies, or at least hibernates, whenever I’m not at school.

I feel like a failure. A complete and utter failure of all things. I’ve been playing a lot of games and reading, but what I really want is recognition on my writing. Well, not recognition per se, more like constructive criticism. I wonder if I wrote in detail just how much I really think about all my stories, would people be more interested, or will someone suggest I go back to the psyche ward?

Anyway, I’m rewriting a Maléan Demon and have added a new chapter to Maléan Cages. I have urges to complete a couple of short stories in the work, but I am feeling more along the lines that everything is for naught, i.e. depressed. I hate feeling this way, but what else am I to do? There’s few out that have the time or patience or interest… and if they did, they wouldn’t spend such precious materials on me

http://original.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600105706&chapter=6

http://aarinfantasy.com/forum/fiction/showentry.php?e=109123&catid=10

Yea… Yea, that’s still fun.

Writing on a Person in front of a Delicious Tuna Sandwich

There we go! A concept plus a location- Yes, I like that very much.

I’m in a writing class where we critique each other’s writing nearly every class. While some other people are getting tired of reading stories, and how certain writings are starting to blend together, I’m getting more and more enamored with the style of other people’s writing and the way of critiquing. Plus, I quite enjoy having my own material read and getting immediate feedback (I’m a sorry sucker for instant gratification).

Unfortunately, there seems to be a few common pitfalls in critiquing.

1) Confusing a mistake on your part with an author’s bad writing: So basically, what happens in class is that a student asks for the author to change something or another because they couldn’t understand it. This will be great, especially for realistic writers, when they aren’t trying to befuddle the reader. And there are plot holes and incongruity with certain themes and characters that the author wasn’t aware of and wouldn’t care for. However, more often than not, the reader has misread something or wasn’t reading closely enough. I am perhaps equating ‘make this clearer’ with ‘dumb this down’. I tend to like to be held from the truth, a little bit of mystery, or the author pointing a vague path that I will have to tread on my own- I feel it says something of my intelligence and is bred from respect. Once you get rid of that, I feel as if someone is holding my hand.

2) Trying to make a piece perfect: I can’t count the number of times someone has said “I really like this part, but I think it can be better”. Of course, writing can always be better, but giving this sort of advice so the author can attempt some sort of ideal, especially one that is the product of your own mind, is feeding a OCD part of the mind that can really, really, truly mess a writer up. Note that this isn’t merely ‘don’t correct them’; it’s ‘overcorrecting them’. What if your grandmother baked a cake; you loved it; she asks your opinion and you say, “Oh! It was delicious!” and then “It could be sweeter, though.” For me, it’s like you’re on the edge of perfection. At the same time, very much near too sweet. With writing, readers would find it obvious you are ‘trying too hard’.

3)Trying to get the author to write like you: I’ve done this. I’m a pretty open-minded writer (this isn’t just me tootin’; people have told me), but there are borderline pieces that I’m just not interested in and so I say something that I recognize later- that isn’t what that author was going for! How terrible of me! In these cases, the reader fails to put him or herself in the author’s shoes and doesn’t try to peel apart the psychology not only of the piece, but of the author as well. That is the great magic of reading and writing, I think, to spread such ideas. (Of course, you probably already know this).

I once had a teacher who said that it doesn’t matter what the author intended, but it is what you finally feel. I disagree. I can’t trust a reader who doesn’t have me in mind. In that class, he was talking particularly about William Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson. He said not to reference them in our essays because, quite frankly, they’re dead and they wouldn’t care. But I can’t fathom how we can have a so-called accurate reading, or even a wrong reading, if we don’t see the writing in the frame of the author’s mind?

But that’s exactly what happens in writing class: students (including myself) try to fit a story into our own frame of mind. With a critique, a criticism is thinly veiling “I don’t really like this. Can you change what you meant and your effects or affections and your opinions and your style so that I can like it better?” How would you feel if we took this further- “Hey, Shakespeare’s writing is awesome. would be great if he wrote a detective novel sometime!” Yea, because that’s Shakespeare.

4) Failing to realize character: This is where the title of this post comes from and will lead to the second part of this post. When there happens to be a lot of dialogue in a text, or when a piece is particularly character-driven, this critique is ripe for the picking. Something about a character seems off. Sure, there may something strange about a character that the author did not intend, but, especially in my class, when there is a teenager, this person has to be the perfect teenager (but throw in something special, but nothing too special- perfection comes in here too), if there is a male adult, have him be the perfect male (but not cliche!), if there is a doctor, we have to recognize every detail of them to be a doctor (but don’t hit us over the head with it). See where I’m going with this?

This actually happens quite often in all critiques of characters. Nobody wants a cookie-cutter stereotype or someone boring- but at the same time, numerous times, numberless times, people reference these cookie-cutters to justify a critique, not realizing that people and characters come in all shape and sizes. For example, in class, there’s a piece a writing that starts off with two freshmen high-schoolers talking about girls. One guy teases the other guy about how he’s never even spoken to a girl, and then they go on to talk about how kissing someone might be gross. Later on, they argue and get angry with one another, and they start cursing a lot.

Most of the class complained how they weren’t acting like high schoolers, more like middle schoolers. At most I would grant these two guys are fourteen years old, so I was like… What? These guys are in their second year of adolescence and you think they are too immature on those criteria?

It baffled me more when my fellow peers, most of then no older than eighteen, kept referring to the two characters as kids. Constantly. This is my fourth year in college, so a lot of my friends call these freshmen ‘kids’, and my friends, as well, believe that some of the freshmen are ‘too immature’. What I’m trying to piece out is, how can you have such a fixation on the age of a person, refer to them based on their age, and have some absurd expectations based on their age that goes beyond your fixation. I’m having trouble thinking of an example… Ah, Fright Fest at Six Flags. We call it Fright Fest, constantly. Then we finally hear about Fright Fest from a person’s mouth and then we respond reprovingly, “You made it sound too scary.” How can you call something “Fright Fest” or someone “a kid” and then frown at how they fit your description of them?

But mainly, in the particular example of the two high schoolers, I don’t think my peers remember much about ninth grade. At least two of them remarked how they ‘didn’t act like that’ when they were fourteen, and there were multiple nods of agreement. Here, it is also blatant how they are ignoring character. The people in a story aren’t you or any of the people you know.

The pitfalls above are just  a few of many. However, ascertaining these characteristics of critiques has me trying to work around them without changing too much of myself.

*****

I’m writing another chapter for Malé, and Kaaliya is supposed to be enjoying himself in the most physically sensual sense with his new lover Thana. All of a sudden a dilemma arises, a dilemma that I had never dreamed of and, quite frankly, I want to ignore it for the time being, because I want to write something more physical. Kaaliya refuses, and I ended up having to work around it.

That’s what happens when a story is already in your head and you start writing the details. I can tell I’m at a writer’s block when my character stops thinking for itself and I have to think of things for it to do instead writing of the things it does.

Sometimes a character that has nothing to do with the story I’m writing appears in my mind and starts shouting about what they want and how they are going to do it and how I have to write about it that very instant. This happens a lot when I’m doing homework or studying- “Oh, you’re working? How about you write about this adventure I had down by the river? No? Are you sure? Come on, take a break. I’m a hermaphrodite with a spanking fetish! I just met a guy who was going to fulfill all my needs. He was bathing in the water- yea, I got your attention now, don’t I? How about how I’m pregnant from another man, who isn’t giving me what I want? Yep, you’re sold, aren’t you? Alright, here’s how it went-”

Asshole characters.

In Front of Logitech’s Mouse

I bought a new mouse. I haven’t hooked it up yet, but I can’t wait until I do! Then I’ll be able to turn off this built-in mouse and stop hitting it when I type! Yay!

Also, today is Saturday- so another chapter of “The Maléan Cages” is going to be put up seconds after this is posted! This chapter we are introduced to Dante Deluca (Who is going to have a fun old time- I’m going to enjoy him, muhahahaha), Kaaliya Lanka (Who is going to be a relieving process to many… for a bit at least), Jayce King (your signature American, who I just can’t wait to have fun with), Olive Jackson (who’s been through so much, but I’m not done with him yet!), and Sacha Sokolov (Who is going to have the most awesome time ever! (not really))

But first, reviews from last chapter… Only two… But I got a lot of hits, so that’s good, too!

asdf   2012-10-13  
i got through ch 1 fine but at ch2 i was scratching my head at all the lingo in the story. it was so condensed i wasn’t able to understand anything without thinking hard about it. maybe lay off the malean lingo more? 

This section was particularly frustrating to read: 
‘Sir Kora rescued the other three- Alaric, Mink, and Bahari- who had made it to their destination in Panal, Monsoon, and only Bahari would be leaving it to go to Zen, Mororoko.

It ended up that the Alpha Wolf that put the exclusivity on Akihito got him in the end, and it was also completely random that after all the charms and spells and curses were lifted from Akihito’s Earthling shell, his Maléan self was a Wolf as well, one with two tails. Alpha had actually put down another exclusivity stamp, but had to fight several other wolf packs for him, bringing his price soaring to thirty-two million Konits. Nothing for packs of people, but still an enormous amount for Sir Kora.

An exalted and famous psychiatrist, and the Voodoo Man of Panal itself, bought Alaric. Alaric wasn’t very popular, and Sir Kora knew he wouldn’t be, but the former German had managed not to kill anyone, though not without lack of trying. He even tried to kill himself when his spells were removed and he turned out to be what he thought a hideous Horned Tiger Animal Man, or Kallis, as Akihito tried to remember.

Mink had been gotten by the Headmaster at the sole School, as most cities on Malé only had one school, in Panal. The Headmaster had a semi-active Hook, which meant his sadism level was verging on knifeplay and other edgy kinks. Mink, though brown regularly as a Bird Kallis and Native American, had seemed a bit green. However, he had no say-so in the matter.

Bahari had been won by an Ancient, sort of a taboo subject at the moment since Brekar Damien of Bulso, Jink made his announcement that a bunch of rebel Ancients were looking to recruit for their army and take over the planet after finding the pieces of the key to the other so-called ‘Spaces’ of Malé. When it was certain that this was true, so true that Damien gave up his kingship, so true that they had a drawing of the pieces and one of the pieces actually turned up, so true that there was a huge battle over the piece, where much of the planet saw how evil these Ancients that called themselves the Elders and their followers the Youngbloods were- well, some Ancients in their era had to go into hiding.’ “

I can understand the problem, but this is the third installment of the Maléan series. A familiarity with some of the words is sort of expected. It would have been better if you asked me what the lingo meant instead of laying off. ;___; But I do want to warn you that some people, the guys mentioned above, will have some heavy lingo, because they are in a place where they are surrounded by it. I don’t think the other chapters are as heavy, but if they are, I’ll definitely put it into consideration! Thanks for the review~

ILoveWyatt   2012-10-14  
I love this story so much!

Cant wait for more!

Thanks for the review~ Haha~

*****

I’m reading the Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling. Nothing gets my loins boiling more than characters going through an adventure and they just happen to be gay. I care not if the two main characters never have sex, the story is awesome. It’s a huge mystery in a vivid world that are both well thought-out and intriguing. If you know any stories or writers where there are male or hermaphroditic main characters where their relationship isn’t the main focus, please send that over to me (of course, if you find something romantic that is truly spectacular, I’ll be here too!)

*****

I got two new games: Resident Evil 6 and Theatrhythm Final Fantasy. Both are exactly what I expected and wanted in the games. The militarized style of RE6 was what so many complained about- and how it wasn’t scary anymore. I thought I  learned my lessons about listening to ‘critics’ and ‘fans’, but I played Leon’s route first, because I heard it was most scary. Though it wasn’t pop-up scary, there were times that I freakin’ panicked and I was like- what the FUCK is that?! So, it was scary enough. Jake’s route was pretty fun, though a lot of ‘tapping buttons on time’ sequences. Still, the monsters! I don’t want to think that much! Bitch zombies growing armor after I freakin’ shoot ’em in the chest- ridiculous! But, oh, so cool.

Final Fantasy is nothing but fun, and, because of that, a bit easy. When I unlock more levels, maybe it will prove more challenging. Still, cute little Lightning and Tidus and Squall and Cloud- they are my team. Fun, weird little game!

Under “The Challenge of Existentialism”

Another book- it’s above me and it’s by a guy named John Wild. Copyright 1955. I like existentialism; it’s fun~

But that’s not the meat of my entry today. I’m publishing a new chapter of “The Maléan Cages” . Sadly, it doesn’t have sex, but it has violent, angst-ridden men, and that should be good, right? Right? Right.

This chapter introduces five characters out of the twenty main ones through whose POVs we will look to see the plot develop. They are Manchu Wei (my least favorite character), Tomakazu Akihito (one of my favorites), Miguel Rocha (a middle-high character on my favorites list), Chal Bowman (middle-low), and Mink Lightfoot (middle-high, but lower than Miguel). Ironically enough, Wei is behaving the most in my mind, while Chal isn’t. I thought that Wei would become more likable, but I’m doing well keeping him in-character (for me anyway, haha)

Chal is changing. Stop it, you. Not yet! Or else I’ll have to do bad things to you to regress your development- do you want that? Yep, that’s exactly how it goes.

I’m also here to answer reviews from the last chapter! Yay!

Detrix 2012-10-06
I like it…..but I like all your Malean stories so I’ll keep reading if you keep writing.

Aw, thanks! I like the idea that people like the “Maléan stories”. I don’t know why… It just feels so professional! XD

Nivell 2012-10-06
Well, I’m glad to see another Malean story from you! I enjoyed Dante’s story but the last few chapters made my head spin from the introduction of so many characters. Please please please don’t torture the Kliwers in this one..I still get nightmares thinking about that poor Kliwer getting eaten by the blood traders. ;_;

I’m glad you’re glad, haha. Sorry, sorry, sorry about the end of Gem. I’m introducing people more carefully now. And though there are more people, a lot more people, the roster is rigid! And… um… ;___; That’s part of the society… Just like we have our bad stuff on Earth, they have their super-bad stuff. I’m sorry! The next chapter may be a bit edgy for you. No one gets eaten but…

meg 2012-10-07
love it want more please

Thanks! I hope you like the rest!

ILoveWyatt 2012-10-08
I love this story so much!

Cant wait for more!

So glad I can count on you! XD

*****

The next chapter will introduce five new characters, three of which whose storylines are absolutely awesome. Why did I just write that as if I didn’t write the storyline?

 

 

 

 

 

At the table in the common room

I wanted to take this time to reply to the reviews from the end of A Maléan Gem”. And then to explain my weird tags for this post.

Everywhere und Nowhere 2012-09-28
I hate to complain or naysay, but that last chapter felt rushed. you mentioned you had written more but deemed it unneccesary. i think it may have helped. I havnt had any problems with your writing style, but there were several sections on this chapter I needed to reread in order to grasp properly, and I feel more elaboration could have been done for the parents. They were long awaited from the last chapter, and it still feels…anticlimatic to explain them.

Very much looking forward to your next piece and hope you dont misunderstand my criticism. I LOVE your stories.

Well, that looks cool. I just wanted to copy the text but this is far better. Anywho…Please complain and naysay. I love to write better. Right now, I’m in a writing class and have recently had a piece reviewed where mostly everyone had the exact same constructive criticism. Too many characters, and felt rushed- even the needing to reread and needed more elaboration. I felt the anticlimacticness as well. I was disappointed, but I didn’t want to bombard the reader… but they had been waiting for a while XD I will add more chapters to “Gem” as time goes on. Epilogues out the ears they will be.

I feel this may be a problem for “Cages”. I have a lot of characters; I wonder if I can count on you for when things feel too slow or too fast? :p

ILoveWyatt 2012-09-29
I loved this story so much!

Sorry for not reviewing those other few chapters. I just didn’t know that you updated the story.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! :D Don’t worry about it. You were one of the few who consistently reviewed, even if it was the same phrase or same type or whatever. You knew what it meant to me and you decided to help me feel it nearly every time I posted a chapter. Thank you. I have your email, and I’ve been emailing… Is the trunks thing still your email?

Thanks to all who reviewed “Gem”: ILoveWyatt (YAY!), Everywhere und Nowhere, nivell (alot), sunni, myrt(alot), Sunao Tsuji (some?), sierra, Silver (maybe!), kylee (alot), emz, Mick, Mina, DoeEyedSamurai, tj, Plume angelique, MoonChakra, Mikki Senpai (:DDDD), Aromanight, Roseykins (alot), BijouDuMon, mizuki, Funeral Roses, Vivi, Melsa, anxiouslyawaitingupdate, MustLove_PrettyBoys, James, Anon(s), bunnicle, blueskies, kissedbymidnight (alot), js (tj?), lividfire, Mahou Makai, and sardo.

So, around 36 people made their feelings known. Thank you so much; it’s really picked me up over the time of writing Gem. With you guys’ help there are 113 reviews and 16,555 hits so far. Thank you, thank you.

*****

Malé is about hermaphrodites with, and this is largely generalized (like when we say the human race is selfish when there is a large range of selfishness among the 7 billion plus humans on Earth), what Earthlings mostly identify as male. That’s why I call it mpreg and put slash, gay, and malexmale.

But this has been bothering me. Calling these hermaphrodites ‘he’ and ‘him’ and having ‘his’ things. It’s not like a planet doesn’t need females or something. There are actually characters that I had to constantly correct from calling them ‘she’ and giving ‘her’ ‘her’ right pronoun- Ashelee and Omni, for example. Because hermaphrodites, from what I read and heard from hermaphrodites that identify themselves as such- It’s not just being neither or both staple genders, or, sometimes, it’s absolutely not being neither or both, it’s being something completely different, a completely different gender, and I’m more on line with that.

But the fact that they have penises make people call them ‘he’, when in fact only ‘she’ can give birth, and they can do that too. Every last one of them. But I tried writing a story using only gender neutral words or pronouns that envision both sexes (which, as I said before, is sometimes an absolute no-no). For the latter, the problem above arose. Gender neutral mode made for weird sex scenes and not very good first-person, so I opted for just using ‘he’, which leads me to put malexmale, gay, yaoi, slash, and mPreg- though they are hermaphrodites.

Obviously, we have been equipped to being stuck to social norms of giving mostly everyone a specific gender out of two. It kind of sucks for those who feel in between either physically or mentally. Mentally, for myself, though my high libido and hairiness might be proving the other as well. I’m not saying I’m undecided or anything, but I am saying that I have desires and physical features that most people identify with males. I’m pansexual to a painful degree, so as that I have so many options for people that I can’t choose just one, or I can’t find anyone who is willing to share, lol.

A friend of mine, who really likes (not consciously, of course) to categorize gender, especially of the male kind, says, what’s wrong with a girl liking guy things or being more like a guy?

Well, of course, when one attributes my liking games or pornography as a male thing when I am physically completely and utterly female, or when one attributes unlikable male qualities to the definition of maleness, when a large part of me is identifying with maleness, well, it makes me feel guilty. Or when someone says I am strong like a guy? No! I’m strong like a girl! I am a female, that’s as strong as I will ever be.

And so when I attribute male emotions or physicality to these hermaphrodites, I feel like I’m doing them a disservice. I do my best to be gender neutral other than addressing, but sometimes I have to be careful to not fall in the trap of categorizing them too much.

Just to let everyone know, they have wide hips and breast like female Earthlings. If it ever has an animated feature or drawings, I will add that. It’s important. And they aren’t dickgirls!

Futanari was originally for hermaphrodites in the Japanese language but has become fetishistic dickgirls. Well, you might say that futanari identifies with females and Maléans identify with males- promising argument. However, my hermaphrodites are aliens that have been categorized (by myself and any others) and  we/they are largely aware of the ambiguity and complexity. Futanari girls, if you haven’t seen any hentai material, is largely a girl who finds herself with a dick without much dilemma other than really good sex. Plus, you can see how my personal problems is seeping largely into my made-up world, while futanari girls (and I have to say girls because it is hardly the other way around- mainly because guys already have both penises and anuses) are fap material- they hardly fuck guys but other futanari girls. Not the same.

Well, then, why have Maléans with breasts? Evolution, my dears. In the beginning years of human life on the planet, they needed some way to feed their young. But these people have evolved enough to get rid of breasts and just grow more quickly inside the womb. But the breasts still remain like appendixes and gall bladders.

Now, I’m off to write a real essay XD