Tag Archives: racism

“642 Things to Write About” with 642 Things to Procrastinate With Pt. 2

And this is the rest of my sister and I catching up! What is the best thing and worst thing that could happen to us? Go to prompts 58 and 59 to find out!

Super random mofo for #60!

Prompt #54: Finding a bag of cash

My response:

Take a bunch of pictures of me with the money, and then I’ll turn it in to the police and hope that no one claims it in 30 days. I hope the local news catches wind of it and I get a key to the city and a monetary reward. At the very least, astounding recognition from all those who will benefit me in future.

Sister’s response:

First, I wouldn’t believe it. Second, don’t tell a soul, especially my family. Third, buy clothes, shoes, jewelry etc. Fourth, go on trips. Last, give the rest to someone less fortunate, maybe my family. I’ll probably end up telling them about it anyways.

Prompt #55: Would you rather win the Nobel Prize or be a rock star?

My response:

Well, my deepest love goes to writing. Although I want to be famous like a rock star, I want to write more than whatever rock stars do. I’d rather win the Nobel Prize because those who care about such things would be the ones reading my books, and not a lot of fans of rock stars would read the stuff I write. Nobel Prize for Literature, and I’ll have all the smarties reading volumes of my works. Oh, heaven!

Sister’s response:

Nobel Prize. People would appreciate and most likely be less critical of me. Not only that, but I’ll go down in history, even if I screw something up.

(Yay!)

Prompt #56: Thoughts on your favorite pet’s personality

My response:

We’ve never kept a pet long enough for me to really discern personalities from them, much less make one a fvorite, you know, with six kids in the home and all. All I remember is that I mostly hated the rabbits because they were shy and would run away, and that was just freakin’ irritating.

For about three days though, we had a lost dog at our house. He was extremely well-trained and well-taken care of, and for some reason, he liked us.

When I mean trained, I mean he could fetch, sit, shake hands and bark on cue. He just seemed eager to please and enjoyed our company. Unfortunately, such a great pet had to belong to someone, and that someone most likely wanted it back, so my parents searched for the owner, a man who was eeeeeeextreeeeemely glad to have the dog back.

Sister’s response:

Um, well, we did have this one pet, a bunny rabbit named Snowball or Snowflake (we had one of each). And she was reeeeally shy. But as I went out and played with her, she became attached to me. She even let me pet her until my other family came out. We did have a dog, but he ran away.

(One moment- we need to clarify these conflicting endings with our mom. Verdict: Sis was right! That dog ran away. I wonder why I remember it differently? Was that another pet?)

Prompt #57: The moment you knew you were no longer a child

My response: (How is sis supposed to answer this? Maybe they mean child child- or something)

I remember sometime in high school my brother didn’t do his chores. I told my mom and she said, “You did the same thing when you were a kid. Well, you’re still my kid, but you know what I mean.”

First, I had thought, No, I wasn’t like that. I did my chores, I did other people’s chores, I didn’t do that. Second, I’m not a kid? 

I had filled out an application to go to a science summer camp- now, I remember, sometime in 10th grade this was- and did it on my own, on a whim. I was accepted to the camp and realized all that I could do on my own, without anyone telling me. I was no child.

Sister’s response:

Since this is a late prompt, I’m going to the past of Friday, April 12, 2013. I applied to a JOB and had an interview. I’m grown, now…

Prompt #58: The worst thing that could happen

My response:

Well, this includes a lot of things, some reasonable, some unreasonable. The one with the longest term effects- like eternity- if some god proved itself without a doubt that it existed and wanted me to change my ways. Unless it was totally cool with me being a kink-loving sex-positive bisexual who has a fetish for homosexual lovin’, well, things would go to shit real quick.

On a more reasonable level, a number of things, the biggest is if certain members of my family die. To be honest, my niece, sister, and brother. Everybody else has a reasonable death date in my mind which bars are easily reset to different heights for any reason.

Sister’s response:

My mind is filled with knowledge of terrible things… My niece screaming from downstairs and finding out she had gotten a hold on a knife that my mom was using and her hand is missing. Not to mention my father screaming at the children, saying, “Why wasn’t anyone watching her?!” And I say, “Why was the knife sitting out in the open?!” and he breaks my neck and goes get the car keys while my mom sits there crying. I’m dead,  my oldest sister frozen in fear, brother acting like a hero, and my niece’s mom still sleeping on the couch, too tired to get up.

(Aaaaalrighty, then!)

Prompt #59: The best thing that could happen

My response:

At the moment, someone contacts me wanting to publish the Maléan series or, equally, I finally find my eye for art and start making drawings I’m truly proud of.

Sister’s response:

Finding that bag of cash.

(LOLOLOLOLOL…. Seriously, though, why is are best shorter than our worst?)

Prompt #60: Write a short story that is set in Detroit in 1956, in which a car floor mat plays a crucial role.

My response: (blaaaaaaaaaah- well, better than a tea cup in Argentina)

Six-year-old Ernest wanted a sister named Amber. Living in the dreariest part of Detroit with his doting Pa and pregnant Ma, that seemed like a possibility. He learned about amber and trees in school, learned that a group of trees, really large group of trees, bigger than parks and playgrounds, those trees were called forests and old trees oozed sap that got hard and that was called amber.

Ernest also knew that Pa got real mad at a white man because he hurt Ma, and somehow the white man hurt Ma enough to make her pregnant. For some reason, the dark spot underneath the old car mat was something Pa didn’t want anyone to know about.

“Not until Ol’ Man Pepper can fix it,” Pa had explained, fingers sweaty as he arranged and rearranged the mat, and he repeated, “Not until Ol’ Man Pepper can fix it.”

Ernest didn’t get a birthday present this year because they needed the car fixed, but his sad Ma was awful proud that he could count from 1950 and figure out his age. Maybe she was proud enough for him to name the baby.

On the way home home from church that morning, they stopped at a donut shop for a Sunday treat. Pa, Ma, and Ernest stood in the colored line. In the white-only line were some police officers. They looked at Ma, who Earnest always heard was pretty for a black woman. At least, that’s what all the white men told her when she took Ernest with her on errands.

The officers came up close to them. They were behind the cord which sectioned them off. To Ernest, the cord was the horizon beyond his wildest dreams. It was better on that side because even if you were fourth in line there, you would get your food before the first people in the colored line. How great it would be to be white!

“You have yourself a pretty pregnant glow there, girl,” one of the men said, leaning on the cord.

Ma squeezed Ernest hand. She had always been quick to say ‘thank you’ and be polite when people complimented her, especially white men. Now, she faced the counter and became stone.

“I said you’re pretty, girl!”

She said nothing. Pa coughed nervously and stood at her shoulder to block the white man’s view. Ernest could see this a bit and watched the white men to see what they would do.

The one who spoke whispered to the other; they both looked at Ernest’s family. As they waited in their long line where they were the only people, the officers were seen to and so was the rest of their line. Then it was their turn, finally, but they didn’t serve chocolate donuts to colored folks and so they all got plain. Ernest was happy because the white donuts were sweet, and nobody liked chocolate colors anyway.

They exited the shop and the officers were there. Said that some boy’s- a white boy- had his bike stolen and they thought perhaps Ernest had taken it and wanted to see inside their car. This confused Ernest there weren’t any white children in their neighborhood.

Pa told them there as no bicycle in their car.

“Well, then there’s no reason why we can’t have a look-see, right?”

The white men had a look-see, then. Ernest’s toy truck was on the car mat. He remembered. The officers checked the back seat and the trunk and Ernest said, “He can have my truck, since he lost his bike.”

The officers smiled at him, looked at each other.

“That’s kind of you,” said the flirty one. “I think I’ll take  you up on your offer.”

Pa’s hand clenched as the officer took the toy, pinky touching the mat. He threw the truck up in the air and bid them good day. His friend followed him. When they were gone, both Ernest’s parents let out deep breaths.

When they were in the car, Ernest asked with his usual eagerness, “Can we name the baby Amber if she is a girl?”

“Child, we’ll name your brother Mary if that’s what you wanted,” Pa answered with a shaky chuckle. Ma joined in on his laugh.

Not quite sure if that was a yes or no, Ernest decided not to push his luck and gave the mat a little kick instead, feeling the emptiness of the air of where his toy used to be.

Sister’s response:

A baseball team, the Detroit Tigers, are going to the championship game. Six people are sitting in a taxi to go to the stadium. After practicing for an hour on a muddy field, they hadn’t washed their cleats.

“Please wipe your feet outside. I don’t want my car floor mat to be too dirty,” said the taxi driver.

Five of the guy did as the were told. The sixth guy laughed and stated, “Whatever, you just don’t want to clean it.”

As they were piling into the car, the sixth guy purposely wiped his feet on the floor mat.

The taxi driver ground his teeth and started driving. As they arrived at the stadium, the five guys climbed out to greet the rest of the team. The sixth guy told the driver, “Thanks for the shoe cleaner! ” and did one final wipe.

The map slipped from under his foot, and he fell out of the cab and cracked his head on the curb.

“You’re welcome.”

(So cool.)

Promp #61: A woman thinks she might be living next door to her grandson.

My response:

The old woman lived alone now. Like father, like son, her only child left as soon as he got some woman pregnant. The old woman made do with what little she had in her comfy apartment where the landlord was no shark and was always willing to lend a very helpful hand.

There was a child and his mother next door. The boy’s name was Tyreese and he liked her peppermints. His nose had a bump just like her son, Tyrone. The resemblance as the next few years went on began to show in odd ways. The shape his eyes took when he squinted in the sun. How he licked his lips when he was lying. Every time he kicked aimlessly when he was bored and waiting for her handmade apple pie.

The mother was never around, having to work most of the time, doing enough for Tyreese to get the CPS off her back, but no real mom. She handed that off to the old woman, it seemed.

Tyreese liked her, and the old woman saw whatever bad seeds that implanted themselves in the boy’s father and grandfather didn’t take root in him.

The old woman kept what little distance they had though. She couldn’t bear to lose another one.

Sister’s response:

Hm… His olive skin… Thick, dark hair… Clean cut nails… He couldn’t possibly be…My son would have told me about it… Why wouldn’t he?… Not only that, he goes to that house before visiting me… I must find out… I shouldn’t go to that kid’s house… His mom would think I’m weird or something… I should ask my son instead…

(Woooooooo!)

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“642 Things to Write About” and I don’t hold grudges, but you’ll pay

Ugh, I don’t want to think about today’s prompt. It brings a bad taste to my mouth.

Prompt #28: The meanest thing anyone has ever said to you

My response:

My family of eight was sitting at the table for dinner one night. With my parents at either ends of the table, someone saying grace with wholeheartedness, and Dad being meanly nitpicky about elbows and eating with our mouths full, my brothers and sisters able to discern the situation could feel a lecture coming on. We were kicking each other under the table to make sure that we didn’t override Pop’s sense of entitled complacency.

Eventually, someone did or said something wrong, or Pop thought of something to yell at us six kids for. I’m not sure how his attention got to me, specifically, except that it traveled from my older brother (the one from the elevator). Anyway, older brother came to my rescue, as usual, and my father yelled, “You might think you’re his favorite, but you’re nothing but HIS SLAVE! YOU’RE A SLAVE!”

And then….And then…

(AH FUCK THIS SHIT!)

Sister’s response:

I would say that the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me is when this racist guy called me a gorilla  It may seem funny (NO, IT DOESN’T!) or not all that bad, but that really hurt. The best part about that is that no on liked him so everyone as on my side cheering me up. I sill got in trouble for kicking the desk at him, though.

(This is Sis!) well….. another mean thing that happened to me is when my mom, dad, and I was talking about relationships and I said I liked white guys ( I wouldn’t mind any other guys,  I just prefer white guys..)  and for some reason that ticked my dad off and he went talking about how ” white guys will leave you” or ” they will lynch you because of your skin” and some other nonsense. Which is weird because my parents don’t even like black people ( because of my other sister’s friends). Probably what you heard from my coworker (lol) stories about our dad, he thinks he is right and we should go by what he says. I still love him though, but that was just stupid…

Twelve Things We Need to Stop Saying (that we say all the time)…

and What We Should Say Instead”

(Pretty long post, maybe you should bookmark this? *conceited*)

Though no one may even see this, I believe that this is pretty important to get off my chest before I let go of it just because I don’t think anyone will ever see this. (Sword Art Online review, Links page, K Project review… Eh, wait just a little longer)

We tend to say a lot of shitty things, and these words don’t always come from times when we are acting like shitty people, or, in the case of some, acting like our shitty selves. For you latter folks, I presume my words of wisdom will go in one ear and and out your ass.

These are phrases that I endeavor not to speak, for various reasons on which I will elucidate, especially to 1) children and 2) people I don’t know. These are phrases that I hear all over the internet, home, school, eating at nice restaurants, chilling with friends, or dancing at clubs. Yes, they are that common.

Some of you assholes will imagine me too sensitive or ultra PC (dingdingding), and I will imagine that I probably won’t be able to have a decent conversation with you anyway. But most of you guys are decent, and will think. You may not agree but I’m sure once you read my reasoning, you’ll understand and think before you speak next time. Here’s a list I think you should think about

  1. Such-and-such is overrated
  2. We take such-and-such for granted
  3. You’re too young to understand.
  4. Too sensitive/PC
  5. Today’s -fill in the blank- sucks
  6. Kids can’t be kids
  7. What is the world coming to?
  8. That’s life/Life’s not fair
  9. Ignore them, they’ll stop/If you don’t act like you mind, they’ll stop
  10. He just likes you/They’re just jealous of you
  11. Just saying
  12. It’s my opinion

1) Such-and-such is overrated.

I’m proud to say that I’ve probably said this four or five times my entire life. I’m also happy to say that this phrase is losing its juice because of its overuse by the hated hipster, and some people will do anything not to be seen as a hipster.

Still, before the word hipster really became a thing, while I was grade school, I still thought saying something was overrated was pretty dumb. I first realized what it meant when someone used it wrong. A teacher in middle school said Harry Potter was overrated.

“I can’t understand why it’s so popular, just a bunch of kids doing witchcraft. Good versus evil is in any book.”

At that age, I was sensitive to church talk, especially church talk about Harry Potter, since I was ostracized at my church for reading Harry Potter. I was also a very lonely kid (but by no means a loner) who spent most of her time reading. When I came across overrated, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. How would you rate something overly?

When that teacher said it in this instance, I realized a few things: Overrated is mostly used with popular things, generally things that people take time to rate; over was like in overdone; and she was using it wrong (though I’ve hardly heard/read it used correctly).

What made me know it was wrong was her second and third phrases, which tends to ruin any statement on anything overrated. First, she gives a specific reason on why Harry Potter is overrated that was complete bias. Though a bias could be a good reason that something is overrated, I’ve never seen when (and I’m open to suggestions). Bias on a overrated statement makes it bitchy, the whining of someone who cannot share the happiness because they don’t enjoy the content. For example, I will never say the movie or book The Notebook is overrated, no matter how someone had raved over it while I skipped the commercials. I don’t like a lot of drama, and I thought the movie was boring, but I could understand why someone would enjoy it. 

And, usually, we all could understand why someone would enjoy anything.

Second, she minimalizes the elements of Harry Potter, which a lot of people do to things they say are overrated. To minimalize is to simplify something to make your statement sound smart/cool/witty because you can’t think of a good bias or a good reason to say something you don’t like is overrated.

Another example would be Twilight in all its forms. If you seen the cool side of the debate between those who are debating, you’ve probably seen “Vampires who glitter? Ugh!” Of course, if you’ve read or seen Twilight, the focusing on glittering is nigh nonexistent.

Oddly enough, real reasons on not to like Twilight come from people who’ve actually read it and were okay with it (Bella is grey goo, Edward’s vampire=monster worry is a very tired cliche, it reads like bad fanfiction sometimes). Still, if someone says these things and calls Twilight overrated, I tend to watch out for bleats.

Also, crazy thought for everyone, Twilight isn’t highly rated as anything but to-know pop culture. Other than preteens who can text faster than they can spell, have you really heard anyone talking about Twilight in a manner that will distill awe like, say, Harry Potter? What I’m saying is, most people know Twilight is mostly drama fodder, sap, and they are okay with it.

What to say instead: Just state your case on why you thought such-and-such is crap, because few things are overrated, or, if it is indeed overrated, please put forward reasoning not steeped completely in a narrow-minded bias.

2) We take such-and-such for granted

You might be thinking, we do take things for granted! Yea, some things we sometimes do take for granted. However, we’ve gone a little crazy about this phrase. Here are some things that make it stupid to say: 1) We’re not really taking it for granted, 2) If we take such-and-such for granted, we take everything granted and the phrase loses potency and becomes useless 3) When it’s used as drama fodder 4) We use it in any situations except for when it really applies (in acts of actually taking things for granted)

For number one, we do this a lot for body parts, and it is usually used in conjunction with number three. Soften us up for people who lose their legs or born without eyes, especially on the news, which perpetuates this craziness.

Let’s put something on display for number one. I was watching some reality show, and the contestants had to fashion wigs for cancer patients who were bald because of chemotherapy. In the one-on-ones, a couple of contestants talked about how people usually take their hair for granted.

Now, I take my hair for granted. I don’t take care of it, but I’m not too worried about it going away. But a majority of people? Do we as a human species, as women, as Americans, as young people, as shut-ins etc. take our hair for granted? Most likely, you shampoo your hair regularly and brush and comb everyday. You worry when it starts falling out or you get a grey hair. You’re probably afraid of permanent damage to your hair and do plenty for its upkeep. Most people don’t take their hair for granted, or any body part. Do you know how many people are afraid of doing cartwheels- yes, cartwheels- for fear of breaking a bone? If you’re one of those people, I doubt you take any part of your body or granted.

Display for number 2- I was watching this bit on Beijing’s terrible pollution (and if you don’t know about it, don’t look it up, it’s pretty depressing) and the newscaster and people she talked to and the Chinese people were talking about how we humans take fresh air for granted. By definition that I delineated before, sure, we take air for granted. But if we take air for granted, we take everything for granted- red blood cells (think about sickle cell carriers!), white blood cells (AIDS!), non-itchy vaginas (women with overactive fighters in her tract), short penises (people are afraid of humongous dicks!)- and so on and so forth. Stop using ‘for granted’ for stupid shit like that.

Try any example above on drama fodder. People say ‘for granted’ to induce feeling that neither the speakers nor the feelers really care about.

Display for number 4- In most of the examples above, I don’t believe using the phrase ‘taking for granted’ is used correctly.The people with the problems wouldn’t care if people weren’t thanking their gods and goodness every second for their eyes and white blood cells. However, people with damaged eyes or AIDS would care or become annoyed if someone was putting in eye-damaging contacts or slathering on eye-crushing make-up, or drugging themselves into sickness or reusing needles.

In those instances, it pretty obvious and important to point out that those people are taking their bodies for granted.

For the Beijing people suffocating at their jobs, probably seeing on TV people being able to breathe even in the densest part of their cities is enough for ire.

What to say instead: Explain why something is important without the guilt trip or pity party.

3) You’re too young to understand

I’ve said this to younger people, cousins and brothers and sisters. I’ve come to realize that this is a shitty excuse for just about anyone who can understand the words for just about any situation.

First of all, remember the times this phrased was used. How many times did the speaker (or you) just feel too wigged out to explain? Something you didn’t understand fully yourself?

This is a dismissive phrase. It’s arrogant. If you turn this around, you would be saying, “The only reason I understand this is because I’m this age.” If you truly think that is correct in that instance, good for you! Most likely, though, the real reason you understand something is because you’ve experienced it. And you say ‘you’re too young’ so that cousin Billy doesn’t experience what you have already experienced.

The biggest example is when we try to explain relationships or sex to younger people. They ask, “Why do adults kiss like that?”

I would be rich for every time the adult answers, “You’re too young to understand,” with their condescending laughs and maybe a good pat on the head.

You might be thinking, well, they wouldn’t understand!

You really think that your five-year-old wouldn’t understand “It feels good”? We could even give more descriptive examples along those same lines.

A kid shouldn’t be learning things like that!

And that above is why this phrase is terrible. We like to make kids feel weak and stupid, which is how I believe they can grow up to be independence-seeking, privacy-mongering, authority-rebelling little assholes, because we say stupid things like they are too young to understand things to dismiss them from experience things too quickly.

Another example: My parents talked to me in detail about masturbation when I asked them about it. My mom told me not to do it because of sins and all that (but my dad made it clear that everyone does it and not feel too bad about it- times when I realized my dad wasn’t always an asshole) . Thing is, my older-by-three years brother and year-younger sister asked the same question around the same year I did. Guess what Ma and Pa said?

I confronted Ma after younger sister asked. She thanked me for not spilling the beans, and I questioned her.

“Your sister wouldn’t understand, she’s… not like you.”

Ma was particular about not calling me smarter or better than the other five because that caused bad blood, but I knew what she meant in my own childlike way. I now realize that she trusted me not to masturbate whenever the mood struck me (and it wasn’t until ninth grade until I got the hang of it), I wouldn’t go too crazy about experiencing it myself. (A lot of good that did for my sister though)

What to say instead: From 3 to about 11, do some changing of subjects, or say that you don’t want to talk about it, or explain why they don’t need to know at the moment (where they should instead focus their thoughts). 12 to 1, st4op being a jackass and explain. 15 and up, what the hell are you doing?

4) You’re/The World is too sensitive, politically correct

This wouldn’t bug me so much if people wouldn’t say this in defense of, say, referring to women as bitches or homosexuals as fags or putting out racist shit, which is usually the case when people call others sensitive or too politically correct. Not much here int this section either.

Ugh....
Ugh….

I know very few people in my life who are ‘too sensitive’. I know them well, that they are too damn sensitive- it’s obvious after spending a day or two with them. But if a bunch of random people get together to protest something singular with one protest in mind, you might want to rethink your bitchpress about people being sensitive or PC.

Another thing is that when people say these things they are ultimately aware why the topic is controversial. Saying someone is sensitive or PC covers their asses so that they can feel better about their foolishness. Even better, it fools the speaker into thinking the other person is foolish.

Come on, give me an example where PC would be too PC. It’s hard isn’t it? If you’re a decent person, you know it would be hard to come up with an example while at the same time not coming off as an asshole.

What to say instead: Unfortunately, I can’t think of something nicer that one can say without sounding arrogant or idiotic. If you don’t find anything wrong with the shirt above, you’re probably less of a decent person than you think.

5) Today’s such-and-such sucks

Fortunately, again, much of this saying is falling in the way of the hipster; and it goes hand-in-hand with overrated sometimes.

Still, I see too much of it outside of the self-strokefest circles that are hipster gatherings. Two types of people should never say this phrase almost 99% of the time they want to say it: people over…hmmm… 35, and people under 21. The older people because you just come off as old-fashioned, which is probably the case. You want to go back to the days of mostly manual cars? Uh, sure, go ahead and have all your gears and all the power over your car so that you can feel superior as you go do your grocery shopping at Walmart. Tired of supernatural romances? Go back to your realistic…. fictional… romances.

Hate today’s pop music? (Come on, you were waiting for it) Think it has no substance? Go listen to Elvis Presley.

No, really.

Have you listened to Elvis? Maudlin love songs and dance jingles a lot of them. Plus, he sold his looks and sexuality, just like every other pop star today. I like Lady Gaga more than Elvis (and I love all of Elvis’ best hits, I think he was sexy during his sexy years, his voice is drool-inducing) but Gaga is clever and outrageous in a way Elvis wasn’t.

What I’m getting at is that today’s such-and-such probably hasn’t changed much, and people need to be fucking aware of their biases!

’90s kids that are so nostalgic about your childhood, shut the fuck up. Do you know how many cartoons and shows failed? Do you know how many ’80s shows are still playing on Boomerang? Why can’t you understand that it isn’t that today’s shows such, but that you overglorify or over-romanticize (would overrate be good here? I think I have a stigma against it…) your time, and ignore the glories of this generation? Did you know that Spongebob has lasted longer than Rugrats? like Spongebob more than Rugrats. Though Rugrats is cute, I probably wouldn’t watch it again, or Powerpuff girls, and a couple other shows ’90s freaks captured for themselves like lost Pokemon of old.

90s kids

Now, will I watch Adventure Time or Spongebob or Young Justice twenty years from now? Probably.

If you give me good reason to dislike such-and-such of today, instead of whining about your lost days of old, fantastic! Example, cartoons today are too adult. I’m not a fan of kids being left in the dark until they hit a wall, because they often make statistic teenagers, which so many people stereotype and hate anyway. Still,  I understand the sentiment.

What to say instead: Admit you don’t like something, just say it. Better yet, give good reasons. They are out there!

6) Kids can’t be kids

I think you’ve gotten the point of leaving your kids dumb, then complaining when they are dumb/have no common sense, become asshole teenagers.

I would feel better about this if it wasn’t 80% of the time talking about kids being homosexual or learning about evolution or some such thing. Of course, I could stop reading comments on controversial topics about education and parenting, but that’ll be just silly. 

Saying, “How would a boy know he likes boys at that age? He doesn’t know what he wants. Why can’t kids be kids?”

Now, will this person admit that he was ever bi-curious? Probably not. People who use this phrase don’t want their kids to explore, they want them shoved in a box until the adults are ready to mold them into perfect little puppets.

However, the other twenty percent goes to people talking about how we’re taking away extracurricular activities and liberal arts from the classrooms, though I feel that that has less to do with kids being kids than letting humans have an outlet on a rough life.

What to say instead: Be honest about your boxing until your puppet strings are properly wired

7) What is the world coming to?

Reasons why this phrase sucks: 1) The person saying this probably doesn’t have that bad of a world 2) People don’t know history or purposely puts it to the back of their minds 3) The phrase makes something truly horrible more about themselves.

I’ve never heard- in real life or television or even video games- where this phrase makes sense. For number one, I’ve heard so many older people say this and I’m just like, what are you talking about? When you go home, you’re going to watch the shows you have on DVR, eat a few snacks until dinner- which you might order out, have a soda with your dinner, and watch TV for the rest of the day. What part of your world is going in a direction you weren’t aware of?

For number two, my husband Steven Pinker would have more to say, and more articulately. In a nutshell, the world, and your life can be so, so, so much worse. Gays in the military and Boy Scouts will never touch the castration of male enemies. The crime (bad of course) in cities will never reach the genocidal wars of America’s early years. AIDS (though terrible surely) will never reach the disastrous child mortality rates of even the beginning of the last century. So think about your history and how you have descended from people who didn’t have running water, okay? Or how you can put frozen water in your slightly cold water while people die of thirst halfway across the world.

For three, this is just another jab at the paranoid freaks who think the world is just so much worse than something they don’t think about. They can’t really feel for the uprisings in Egypt or the school massacres, but they subconsciously know that they like to be a part of the society they’re in, and society in general cares about uprisings and school massacres- “What is the world coming to?”

About video games: I was playing Skyrim and passed a guard who talked about how vampires were attacking in the daylight and dragons were attack- “What is the world coming to?” he said.

Here I am, running through the village selling junk so that I can buy health potions so that when I fight vampires and dragons I don’t die. This guy had it much easier defending the village! Furthermore, from the beginning of the game, before I fought my first vampire or dragon, I was taking down those damn bears and whacking away mudcrabs and running from giants and bandit fortresses- Dude, your place is a shitastic place to live. Still, things are hard for guys like him. They just need to top complaining about it all the time.

What to say instead: Talk about how horrible the things are and leave it at that. Don’t make yourself look foolish with crap about a worse and worse world that doesn’t affect you.

8) That’s life/Life isn’t fair

Saying this to yourself (which you and nearly everyone else probably doesn’t) is cool, puts things into perspective. Saying this to someone else just makes you a fucking jerk.

Sorry, projecting.

Ma and Pa said this shit all the time- more on that later.

The first and second time this really burned was when I was eating more than I could handle at a restaurant at Johns Hopkins, first year. I was forcing myself to eat the rest and when one of my friends asked why I was forcing myself to eat, I said what I’ve always been told and what I’ve always felt was a good thing to have in the back of my mind when I was being greedy or wasteful or taking things for granted: “There are starving kids in Africa.”

I was under the impression that that was something innate. You did your best on things because others would die for that chance, and all that. What my friend said will forever just… haunt me.

“Well, that’s life. No need to force yourself to eat over it.”

That’s life? THAT’S LIFE? 

You hear ‘starving kids in Africa’ and you say, that’s life? It’s okay to waste food because you can’t feed the starving kids and the kids are starving because that’s life.

On a less serious, projecting note. Computer crashed and someone lost three essays they was working on- what makes anyone think that saying, “That’s life!” would do anything but irritate the person further?

Projection: Roundabout three years after restaurant. Talking about The Walking Dead with same friend, and how irritating that they kept turning away people, and I told friend that I felt that turning them away was the same as killing them. She didn’t think so and asked me an analogy: Is not feeding the kids in Africa the same as starving them. I immediately said yes, and I will not make any excuses for it, not for myself anyway.

She continues to voice her opinions and I explain my reasoning: that how we are not helping them- how we are ignoring them- is no better and identical to killing them. Because we could help them, but we let them suffer anyway. If I was in their position, I would want someone to help me, and it isn’t fair.

“Well, life isn’t fair.”

99.9999%, the person you’re speaking to knows that life isn’t fair AND has heard this almost as many times as you have- it’s pointless, dismissive, idiotic, rude, and unsympathetic- so if you’re trying to win all those awards, fire away. Otherwise, proceed to bottom of this part.

Projection: “Hey, [sister] got away with this when she did it. Why am I getting punished? That’s not fair!”

“Life’s not fair.”

Get ready for the asshole who’s going to hate your guts and you will have to bend over backwards to teach them anything.

Projection: “Hey, [brother] did it. Why do we all have to get punished? That’s not fair!”

“Life’s not fair.”

General fuckery ensues (talk about bad blood!).

This one really hits close to home on a lot of different levels, but I want these things to be universal.

What to say instead: Say something that will alleviate the situation. “That fucking sucks” or “Here’s some ice-cream” works a lot better than some lousy adage about life. 

9) Ignore them, they’ll stop/If you act like you don’t mind, they’ll stop

Dear sister recommended this and I decided to add it, because I loathed this as a child  and I’m sure my sister loathes it now.

It’s pretty simple, and you have to be a real ignorant jackass to not see the problem with this. Yet, lovely, decent people say this entirely too much- and they know it’s crap, and they are working on doing something for their child/the child or whoever is in trouble. This is a deflection; this is evasion.

Because if you ignore them/act like you don’t mind, shit gets worse. Sometimes, maybe, they’ll back off. Most likely these assholes have found somebody new. But if you stay the sole big kid, dark skinned, girl with hair on her neck, snores when she sleeps, writes in her diary, eats alone-  they have you pegged. Of course they’ll get bored, but why should this child or anyone else endure a week, a month, a semester of bullying? That’s life? I don’t think so, moron

It’s also victim-blaming. Somehow, the bullied is at fault for being bullied. This is sometimes the case- you should take your baths. Majorly, the bullies are asses who love to feel superior.

Saying this to a kid will be lying. Kid will get her hopes up, and will feel guilty because she isn’t trying hard enough. Then she realizes that it was a lie and knows that you won’t be someone who can help her. And if you can’t, who, or what, will?

What to say instead: Do something productive instead. Get on those officials about zero-tolerance for bullying that only comes in effect when someone commits suicide and it covers their asses. Do something!

10) He just likes you/They’re just jealous of you

Similar to number nine, except that most people don’t realize these phrases are absolute crap. Seeing as none of those guys, from elementary school up to high school, ever asked me out or wanted to hang out or talk to me- they didn’t like me. Seeing as none of those people share the same joys as me- they aren’t jealous of me.

I once babysat a third-grader who told her mom some boys were teasing her at school. The mom said, “Those boys probably just like you, honey!”

Imagine my disbelief, a decade out of third-grade, and realizing people still said this shit to their kids- not just my aunt to her kids or second cousin to her kids or long-lost half-sister to her kids- random people! These phrases were universal.

The child asked me and I told her to tell a teacher.

“The teacher said the same thing.”

WHAT THE FIDDLY FUCK?!

“I don’t think they like me, though.”

Of course, you’re not going to tell the darlin’ that, though they may not dislike her, they don’t very much like her either, or care about her feelings . But what fucking good does that do?

So I said I would talk to her mother. I flavored up the child’s distress to get the mom on it. Don’t know if she did, but I guilt-tripped her good, if her biting her lower lip was any indication.

What to say instead: Unless your child is has an obvious talent or beauty (that isn’t smarts- unless it’s another academically-oriented bully- no one is going to be jealous of your kid’s smarts, sorry), don’t feed them that trash that people are jealous of them. And that s/he just likes you probably only adheres to preschoolers, okay?

11) Just sayin’ (interchangeable with no offense)

This goes without sayin’. A lot of people say this, and a lot of people have rebutted against people just sayin’ this. If we were to equate the phrase to ‘just letting you know’, which is what I take it to mean most of the time, it’s still stupid to say.

“I don’t really like Mexicans. Just saying.”

This is a shut-up phrase, designed to make you look stupid for taking what they say/write seriously. It’s also pretty effective, but people are using it for the wrong reasons.

Are you going up against a truly sensitive person?

“Man, it’s 3 already?”

“What, you think you’ve spent too much time with me?!”

“Naw… I was just sayin’ it was 3 already.”

Still, this isn’t a totally innocent phrase, but it’s more acceptable than how many people use it. Above, the just sayin’ person is no doubt implying something when he makes his first statement, beyond letting the other guy know- there wouldn’t be ‘man’ or ‘already’ there if it was just a statement of time.

Most of the time, it’s with asshole comments about how ‘well, a lot of blondes are kind of dumb. Just sayin’,’ ‘He has a lot of sex, though. Just sayin’,’ ‘Black people take up the most room in jail, just sayin’.”

What to say instead: Leave out ‘just sayin” and take your verbal assbeating.

12)It’s my opinion

Kind of like eleven, but said more often, included with much viler ‘opinions’, and has a touch of arrogance that really provokes the ire in everyone.

Having your opinion and making it known does not miraculously shield you from your ‘haters’, nor does it make me or anyone shut up from shutting you up. Wuss out from under your opinion if you want to, it helps me realize your opinion isn’t worth anyone’s time, really. I’ll do better next, time, yea?

What to say instead: If you really want to shield attacks (though I doubt it, since you’re on the internet), say that you’re sorry to offend anyone, even if you aren’t. You’ll probably get ignored.

~~~~~~~~~

Have you finished this? Yay! Hope you learned something  today! Tell your friends! Tell your friends with kids! Tell the people you know with kids! Yea!

Upstairs and “642 Things to Write About” or White People are terrible!

Alrighty, sis is tired so we’ll start this a little early rather than a little late!

Prompt #6: Tell a story that begins with a ransom note. 

My response: 

To whom it may concern, 

I am writing this letter to bring to your attention that I have kidnapped your daughter, like, a week ago. A full week ago and you never noticed and I was totally waiting for the big media outlets to blow this all up. I mean, your daughter is young, blue-eyed, blond and you’re rich, and all of you are white. Where did I go wrong? Was I supposed to leave the ransom note up front? Was I supposed to smear some of her blood on her pillow or sprinkle her hair on the carpet? Leave an unidentifiable weapon around? Had I not made it high-profile enough? 

Anyway, I want four million dollars for your daughter. Say your answer on some news place. Fox News usually likes to cover these sort of stories, so, like, here. 

All the Best,

The dude who kidnapped your daughter

P.S. It’s a bitch keeping your little asshole fed, so hurry up.

~~~~

Mrs. Green stopped reading the letter aloud to her husband, and said in a dry tone, “The man still hasn’t noticed that she’s not our daughter? Well, she’s not our problem.”

Mr. Green nodded, adding, “How’s Samantha taking this?”

Mrs. Green shrugged and threw the letter off to the side. Removing her robe and slippers, she slid under the covers next to Mr. Green. “How am I supposed to know? She’s your sister.”

“You’ve been talking to her all week about Beatrice being missing. Has she asked you anything?” Mr. Green turned off the lamplight.

“I told you. They offed the chauffeur who escorted her back to Florida, so now it looks as if he did it. The investigation’s pretty dry. Looks like a cold case.” Mrs. Green chuckled a little. Without further ado, she turned on her pillow to go to sleep.

“Ah, good. Oh- yes- The Pasternack couple is throwing a Valentine’s Day party this Friday. We’re invited.”

Sleepily, Mrs. Green answered, “Think it will look weird if we go?”

“Not if we hand out flyers and those sort of things, make it look as if we’re really upset.”

“Oh, please…” Mrs. Green mock-wheedled. “Help us find our niece! Please! Is that champagne?”

Mr. Green laughed, pulling the covers to his chest. He said pleasantly, “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Sister’s response: 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Allen,

I have kidnapped your son and I will not return him until you BOTH give me 30 grands. If you ever want to see him again, BRING ME THE MONEY. 

signed,

T.

So, it all started when Mr. Allen and T. was at a dinner party. Of course, Mr. Allen brought his son along, since he always do. His son, Tommy, was a bright young fellow who always do what he’s told. He was quite handsome and well known because of his achievements. T. never had a son, or any kids, because his wife died before she could have the baby. Devastated, T. never found love again, until he met Tommy. He wanted Tommy. He didn’t know why, but he believed getting Tommy will fill his void. So. T. elaborated a plan. Take the kid in the dead of night and run for it. He placed the note on the door, and moved to the opposite side of the world from them. The note meant nothing. He just did it because he hated the Allen’s. Mr. and Mrs. Allen never saw Tommy again.

~~~~~(Very nice! Kind of sweet in a nice way!)