Tag Archives: kink

When People Fear Sexual Expression

Or Gay Porn and Other Delicacies Part II: Was going to be ‘What I Like’ but the pictures I want to insert are pretty embarrassing to look for in a public library.

I’m at a new school. My computer may have been utterly destroyed with all my writing and pictures and music, et cetera, gone for the most part. But my itch to write has gone to shingles level, so here I am, trying to pinch out a blog post in one or two hour spurts. I put out that one before- about Blurred Lines? But that was a ‘Moment of Inspiration’.

Miley-CyrusSo you’ve heard about Miley Cyrus, of course. At the time my sister was watching the VMAs, and I had been there in the living room most of the day studying for German, which I hadn’t taken for more than a year and have now jumped into its intermediate class.

When Miley came on, my sister and I agreed that her hair looked stupid and nothing about her was really appealing. Her song was okay, her part of “Blurred Lines” was horrendous (though I might be biased because I fuckin’ love that song, besides the non-consensual connotation that I keep hearing about). My sister (and the other family members that joined us) were so shocked that the Disney star was dancing like that.

And I couldn’t help but think… Isn’t she, like, twenty? Matter-of-fact, she was the aforementioned sister’s age. And my sister has a two-year-old daughter. You don’t think Miley, like the rest of us humans, grows up beyond canned laughter and the tried and true best-friends-fight episodes, that-boy-isn’t-all-he’s-cracked-up-to-be episodes, the friggin’ surprise-birthday-goes-wrong-but-it’s-all-about-love episodes? Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch such episodes of a show I really like (Supernatural or Spongebob, for example), but I know what they are, and I know what’s beyond.

My, what if she stayed like Taylor Swift. I’ve never listened to an artist so glued on monotony (wait, Maroon Five… But they are, like, a band… And Levine has some curve to his voice sometimes).

Anyway, I don’t mind it. I don’t listen to any of her songs, but, I’m good, and it’s just tiresome to hear the craziness that can follow.

I recently had a conversation with my new friends about Miley Cyrus, and one of the ladies there said that Miley ‘doesn’t have to be sexually provocative to be popular’ (Swift, a case in point- and notice how I call Miley by her first name… but not Taylor Swift? Hm.)

‘You don’t have to be slutty’

‘You don’t have to act like a whore and grind’

AkkpP

Yea… But what if you freakin’ want to?! Do people who say this, and there are soooooooooooooooo many who do…. so many… Do people who say this think that all people who act sexually for money don’t actually LIKE doing it? That perhaps, hey, it’s fun. I can wear less clothes and it’ll feel freeing and controlling and get a whole lot of attention? And I would like to be freeing and controlling and get attention by being sexually expressive? No, I don’t want to write a damn book and I don’t want to feed all of Libya. I want to strut what little I got and have fun?

Now, I wouldn’t do that, mainly because it seems tiring and I don’t have the complexion for it. And I like writing and translating a lot more.

Which brings me to the gay.

Channin'

I guess this isn’t gay, per se, but the number of conceptions you build upon seeing this image (WHORE- MANWHORE- GAAAAAAAAY- OBJECTIFICATION- *scream*) is one of the many ways we express our limits of sexual expression.

There’s a sort of subtlety, but not really, when we come across something like Channing Tatum backin’ that ass up, and some guy screams out, “That’s fucking gross! I don’t wanna see that.” Or, the many times my mom and other women would see a female strutting some which way and would just be completely grossed out and say terrible things like ‘slut’ or some such.

Of course, if you give them the stink eye, they’ll scream about their heterosexuality, but I’ve come to realize, to actually be able to voice my dilemma about such a defense. It had come as a super confusing intuition before, but then I actually realized:

Being straight doesn’t mean hating the same sex.

And it definitely doesn’t mean you hate the same sex whenever they are being sexual. Straightness’ only connotation to me is: you enjoy the opposite sex, probably within the parameters of the sex’s stereotype. (Females are smaller, softer, cuter. Men are bigger, muscular, handsome. Whatever.)

On the flip side, many people have wondered why I enjoy homosexual men so much. Many could understand my affinity for lesbians because 1) most who have asked me are men and 2) someone like me who also likes women would probably like to see lesbians/lesbian sex.

Again, intuition reigned supreme, and I couldn’t relinquish a straight answer. Most of the time, it wasn’t a question I found interesting and needed answering, but now I do:

Gay men have better sex, especially in yaoi.

Now, I’m not saying overall. What I mean is, the only lesbian fiction I’ve had the pleasure to read were- minus a few gems- porn for men, which gets real old, real fast. Or it was too much on the romanticism. I love romance, I do. By itself, no. I don’t like much by itself. (And neither do you, I think.). I can’t, like I said in Gay Porn and Other Delicacies, even take a lot of romance in gay fiction- like Maurice. Romance (and sex etc.) must be twisted upon by something else.

Wolfin'And whatever medium – book , film, tv- can have gratuitous amounts of sex and blood, but as long as something else is there, I can manage it. Fortunately for me, the kink genre in gay erotica has just that extra pizzazz for me to sit down and enjoy, even though sometimes it can hold back and I doze off.

And most yaoi I’ve read- whether it’s Alcide/Elric crazy kinky vampire-werewolf fanfiction or a saga about a pair of detectives, have much more of that extra than I can ever hope for. And as an extensive, intensive reader, I feel entitled to a bit of spice every now and again and, if I want, in every fucking cake I eat.

Really, I feel, just, indignant when anyone wonders why or even hints at “You read/watch that stuff?” and I’m like, well, what do you do in your spare time? Because if you aren’t reading yaself a book, teaching yourself a language, practicing an instrument, writing short stories of any any nature, crocheting a blanket- you know, such things that I do nearly every day, don’t talk.

The thing about sexual expression is that it takes over.

False! But, really, yea, that’s pretty much true. There doesn’t seem to be any existence to a person whenever they sexually express themselves, unless it doesn’t matter in that fashion to a certain person in the first place. When people think about yaoi, for example, gay porn is the only thing they’re left with (this process of ‘minimization’ occurs elsewhere as well- you know, like, when people complain about a movie and say it’s a ‘boy-meets-girl’ story, while completely ignoring the fact that the guy is a zombie in a near post-apocalyptic zombie-infested world and the girl is the daughter of ArmyDadDeluxe, and that an extreme form of zombie was posing a risk to them all. By the way, that’s what I heard from someone about the movie Warm Bodies. And I was like… Really? That’s what you got from that?)

Sex is a compliment to life, and while having sex around others not involved is frowned upon, sexual expression doesn’t come close to it. There’s no need to fear it, whether from your preferred sex or not.

Emmaing

Over time, my tastes have broadened to an extremely zesty horizon that many would not touch, and it’s come to my attention that I can’t relate at all.

I actually cannot really… I don’t think ‘understand’ is the right word- I get it. But whatever the wavelength of empathy I cannot seem to connect to is, I can’t do it with people who are 100% gay or straight. I have come to ‘understand’ those orientations as simple preferences, like how I will not go out with someone who is religious or has bad breath.

I would just like that other people who can realize preferences as real, they can realize preferences for sexual expression are real as well, and it may not be anything as provocative as say….

I’m dressing like this because I want the D.

But simply, I look fucking hot in this and if you don’t like it, don’t look.

Which brings me back to the gay.

It’s hot, beyond the the reasons I mentioned before, the dichotomy between two swell-looking guys, or  cool-seeming guys, is pretty hot, and is often not seen in heterosexual fiction (No, I don’t think it exists…), and lesbian fiction I’ve come across hasn’t been beyond what I’ve seen (although I’m trying). Add in kink and supernatural and we got just crazy things to look forward to.

Samming

 

Oh, don’t tease me.

“Blurred Lines” from a Wanting Mouth

From the Mouths of Rapists

Now, I understand the rapist reading. I overheard it in the African American center here at my school. The song played on the radio, and the people there were discussing how it was a rape anthem, non-consensual anthem, and the rest. I didn’t really listen, as I was reading Husbandwife and wasn’t really interested.

Still, in the back of my mind, I thought, That wasn’t how I heard that song at all!

While reading Lance Manion’s Facebook post about the astronomical number of people who view astrology/horoscopes on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, I stepped on another link that led to the first link above. And then I understood.

Still, that wasn’t how I think of the song at all!

Let me follow you through my logic.

[rap(e)genius.com, thanks!]

[Intro: Pharrell & Robin Thicke]
Everybody get up, WOO!
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

When I first heard this song, everyone in the car said I would like it, because I like very few songs that come regularly on the radio from the station that we often listen to. They also all knew I would love Ellie Gouldings “Anything Can Happen”.

[Verse 1: Robin Thicke]
If you can’t hear what I’m trying to say
If you can’t read from the same page
Maybe I’m going deaf
Maybe I’m going blind
Maybe I’m out of my mind

At this moment, I honestly have no idea what he’s getting to, though I’m sure it would be sexual, since this was the ‘mix’ station, and Robin Thicke. Obviously, there’s some miscommunication.

[Bridge: Robin Thicke]
Ok, now he was close
Tried to domesticate you
But you’re an animal
Baby, it’s in your nature
Just let me liberate you
You don’t need no papers
That man is not your maker
And that’s why I’m gon’ take a

And now I’m hooked. I was immediately thinking of all the people who think I want to stay at home and sew socks and have a pleasant romp every week when the man brings home the bread and maybe that pretty ring from Jared’s (btw, I don’t like jewelry). Or people who want me to shave my legs and do my hair to its prettiest degree. Etc.

[Hook: Robin Thicke]
Good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You’re a good girl
Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you’re a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

And here I thought, yes, everyone thinks I’m just a good girl. Which is why no guy who wants some no-strings-attached casual sex would ever look twice at me. I’m just a good girl, whom people see and say: “God bless you!” or “You curse?” or “You watch porn?” (It’s not that I like porn, but that it’s me who likes porn because I’m a plastic good girl who will NEVER EVER break from her mold, until she speaks). 

And then there’s the blurred line: Is she a good girl really? Or would she be interested in getting her ass broke in two? To be more specific, just because she dresses like that and dances like that, is she really interested in some crazy one-night-stand, or is she a ‘good girl’ just having fun?

What’s getting to me about the rape reading (which is completely justified, mind you) is that he keeps baiting this woman. “Hey, if you wanna get at it, come and get it. Because I’m honestly at a fuckin’ lost and don’t know what’s going on. Shit, I’m making a song about it. Can you clear it up and we can have a fairy tale ending like in Taylor Swift songs?”

[Verse 2: Robin Thicke]
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
I feel so lucky, you wanna hug me
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey!

Now, here, although I don’t see any rape readings quoting this verse, is when I feel it gets the biggest rapist vibe. He’s definitely thinking about sex with her, she hugs him, and now he’s thinking that she might wanna fuck.

[Bridge]

She does!

[Hook]

But I’m not fucking sure, and I want to be fucking sure because it will be rape otherwise, and I don’t want to rape her.

[Verse 3: T.I.]
Hustle Gang Homie
One thing I ask of you
Lemme be the one you back that ass up to
From Malibu to Paris boo
Had a bitch, but she ain’t bad as you
So, hit me up when you pass through
I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on ’em even when you dress casual
I mean, it’s almost unbearable
In a hundred years not dare would I
Pull a Pharcyde, let you pass me by
Nothin’ like your last guy, he too square for you
He don’t smack that ass and pull your hair like that
So I’m just watching and waitin’
For you to salute the true big pimpin’
Not many women can refuse this pimping
I’m a nice guy, but don’t get confused, this pimpin’

Nothing in this rap that I hadn’t heard in rap before. He thinks he big and bad, and she might want it, and he is going to talk about it until she agrees or throws a drink in his face.

I’ve seen the quotes of smacking ass and pulling hair, and I’m like, um, yes, please? As the lyrics suggest, a ‘good girl’ wouldn’t be interested. A ‘bad girl’ would. Is she a ‘bad girl’ or a ‘good girl’? But make no mistake, this is just one good night of romping.

[Breakdown: Robin Thicke]
Shake your rump
Get down, get up-a
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
What you don’t like work
Hey!

No, what I don’t like won’t work. But he doesn’t mean it that way, not with the former line. You’re not supposed to like it when it hurts. When it hurts, it means it’s ‘not working’. But if you like it like that, you like it like that. And you’re, like, not a ‘good girl’.

[Verse 4: Robin Thicke]
Baby, can you breathe
I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me
Dakota to Decatur
No more pretending
Cause now you’re winning
Here’s our beginning
I always wanted a

Love this part. Now, we’re getting in those clouds and getting to it. She’s made it clear, and he’s freaking excited because he’s been singing for about three minutes on how he wants this woman so bad.

[Hook: Robin Thicke]

He’s always wanted a ‘good girl’. Whose never been propositioned to be ‘bad’. And now he and she are having a fun time.
[Bridge: Pharrell & Robin Thicke]
Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Everybody get up
Hey, Hey, Hey
Hey, Hey, Hey
Hey, Hey, Hey

No, I ain’t getting up, the song’s almost over.

[Outro: Pharrell & Robin Thicke]
Everybody get up, WOO!
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

Great song. Now, I’mma listen to Goulding.

P.S. Those people have some nerve to complain about this song when they listen to that station all day. Whose listening to it, if this song is what sets them off and NONE OF THE OTHERS DO?

 

 

Gay Porn and other Delicacies Part One: A History

If you know me well, you would know that I find homosexual acts very objectifyingly satisfying. If this offends you in any way….

A IDGAF
You saw the title! Whatcha click for?

As I was saying, from a young age, I’ve enjoyed homosexual acts. As I’ve edited this post, I realized not only did/do I enjoy homosexual acts between men, it’s the same for women (and really, any consensual acts between attractive humans is pretty much okay).

In 3rd, 4th, or 5th grade- all three?- we had a porn video. We called it the ‘blank tape’ because, as you might’ve guessed, it was blank. I don’t remember who put it in the VCR first. Perhaps we all did before we all came together and realized that everyone else knew that the tape was nudie. Ma and Pa told us not to watch it, the youngest (Lil Sis and Lil Bro- both #2) would put it in the VCR all the time and laugh and giggle and do things that little kids do when they are being little assholes who do things they know they’re not supposed to do, yadda yadda yadda, and found a little interest in it.

One time, I watched it from the beginning to end. Under the pretense of sickness, I skimped out on Bible study to get the damn thing all to myself without worry of someone coming out of a room to catch me- though I’m sure someone had it in their mind that I would look at it.

It was made up of about five or six scenes, and the second scene- about 32 minutes in, maybe- was a lesbian scene. I didn’t know what things like aroused and turned on or horny meant, but I recognize now that the lesbian scene was indeed arousing.

But I skipped it. I was a God-fearing ten-or-so-year-old and I was already being terrible enough. Plus, I thought that the heterosexual couples were- don’t laugh- were, you know, together. Husband and wives and stuff.

stupid me

And I watched the rest, always with the lesbian scene in the back of my mind. I don’t know exactly what happened afterwards, but I believe Ma or Pa called home saying they went out to eat something and so, though I had planned to stop completely when I had satisfied my curiosity, I decided to watch the lesbian scene completely. I turned it up a little and it turned out to be a ‘mother’/’daughter’ thing. The ‘mother’ apparently cheated on the ‘daughter’ and the ‘daughter’ decided to punish her… by having sex with her… Or something.

You don’t care about ‘plot’ in porn and neither did I. Somewhat. I always enjoyed the scene more when I could hear it, even putting in earphones.

Around the same time, my aunt had an anime magazine. It had a review on the BL/yaoi/shounen ai/gay-romance-intended-for-a-female-audience Original Video Animation called “Fake”.

First BL

I most definitely was watching “Fake” on the DVD player around the same time as I would sneak the blank tape in the dying VCR. And it was only until the VCR died and all our VHS tapes disappeared that I started gay male romance hunting in earnest.

Let’s back up. There was only a very tiny anime picture for “Fake” in the magazine. My aunt had bookmarked it and, her being my favorite aunt then and now, I was completely interested in what had her smiling every time she looked at it.

The two characters you see had their faces close together and all, and at the time I had no fucking idea which was the girl and which was the boy (that’s heterosexual privilege by the way-you see people making lovey-dovey eyes and you start putting them in gender constructs!). I guessed the light-haired guy on the bottom was the girl, because, ya’ know, he was light-haired and on bottom.

But I went back to the article, because I tend to get batshit-obsessed with things until I completely figure them out. My aunt caught me and got pissed and so I was scared away for about a month.

And then the “Fake” DVD appeared in our house, held among my aunt’s possessions. I tried to watch it through my parents’ room; their door had windows in them so that I could see into that entertainment room in which my aunt would watch “Fake” alone. But she caught me and covered up the windows.

One day, while she was watching it, I actually read the review article on “Fake” by Sanami Matoh in the comfort of her room. I remember the way they wrote it came off to me in big neon lights as GAY PORN!!!!!! I was sure it was going to be just as raunchy as the lesbian scene. Later, aunt went out drinking or something and the family went to Bible study and I, legit, had to practice my trombone for a chair test coming up (a chair test that started me in the first three chairs for the rest of my middle school career, as I would never, ever be among the last again). 

I watched all of “Fake”. I think there were two kissing scenes and dark-haired dude trying to undress light-haired dude. Overall, though I did like the ghost-and-murder plot and all, the GAY PORN!!!!!!! bit was quite lacking. Didn’t stop me from watching it at every opportunity, though. 

Of course, I still believed in god and all that…

Sexy Zechs-yStep back. My aunt also read fanfiction. She gave me a Dragon Ball Z fanfic with Bulma and Vegeta and told me to skip the ‘nasty’ parts. Of course, I read them. (Mama also gave me romance novels, where I realized that adult writing can be just as simple as what I read at school, and that the middle part of any piece of erotic writing is probably a sex scene).

And after/around that time (March 2000) the anime series Gundam Wing appeared on Cartoon Network. Gundam Wing had five main guys and was a catalyst not only for more serious anime to appear in America on a more regular basis (and not just Pokemon and Yugioh type shits to cater to children and their fetish for toys), but also for gay fanfiction. There were also two other main guys. Turkey Blondie up there and his best friend… lover… enemy… Very complicated have-to-watch-the-show-to-understand thing. They were my favorite couple to read.

Putting the pieces together, I started to look for gay erotic fanfiction because heterosexual fanfiction was either 1) Romance lovey-dovey same shit over and over utter crap 2) Straight-out porn. I mean, a lot of fanfiction- most of fanfiction is pretty much porn. But I’m talking about that porn porn. For example, you can’t really put A Rake’s Vow by Stephanie Laurens in the same category as Real Female Orgasms 13, as there’s something infinitely more pornographic about something about orgasms and a harlequin for which many can’t wait until the heroine and her lover bump uglies. Another post entirely. 

And that’s when I found yaoi (or, as I like to call it, BL, so I could encompass shounen-ai). The main distinction between the two is that yaoi is a lot more pornographic than shounen-ai, usually. Yaoi is an acronym for it, really. While shounen-ai translates to boys’ love, and is more about, you guessed it, love between males. Of course, all of this is targeted towards females, because Japanese females like that stuff- and so do a lot of other females, of course. That is to say, it’s not at all representative of gay men in reality. although some, like heterosexual fiction, may hit close to home to many.

BL is short for boys’ love but has gotten distinct from shounen-ai as that it usually includes yaoi nowadays.

HomosinYou might have figured out that I might have had a little trouble reconciling my penchant for gay porn (when I started watching porn, my interest could only stay on lesbian porn. Gay male porn was just soooo… Quiet… And hard to find when I was so young!) with my Christian beliefs and over and over I would pray to stop finding any pleasure in it, or promising the lord that I’ll never look at it again. I had a few crazy things happen when my parents saw or read what I read- back when they thought homosexuality caused AIDS and that the ‘lifestyle’ including unlimited sex and drugs and hell-bentness.

My mind had shut down and I was just so angry and depressed- over gay porn really! I couldn’t find interest in anything except books, but then I would get sexually aroused and nothing really eased that unless I read some yaoi.

I went back to it (duh) and eventually gave up god and have been doing my own thing ever since.

I wrote fanfiction, and now I work mainly on original stuff. But my desire for different, alternative sexualities and genders and sex(es) has me writing about male-leaning hermaphrodites in a fantasy slave society. I also identify with the kink scene and wish for deeper submission within myself and within such a society. I actually started with the rough stuff around middle school. Unfortunately, that was also a time where I got more selective with what gay porn I was reading (or what lesbian porn I was watching). I particularly remember several things that I perused oftener than anything else, or before trying out something new:

  • Velvet by Kumiko– A fanfiction between the main male adult characters in “Gundam Wing”, and one other of the main five. Basically, Turkey Blonde takes in Ginger, an ex-lawyer who was kidnapped and put into a whole slave ring sort of deal. Turkey Blondie is the master of the house and demands obedience. Chinese main guy is already his very obedient slave. Well, drama and kink ensue and it’s terribly wonderful and very much the fanfic that set me spiraling into BDSM. I lost it around 2003 and didn’t find it again until, I think, 2010. And I was ecstatic.
  • A Little Wager by Casual Otaku– Another fanfic. The main couple rivals of the video game series King of Fighters. I was actually going to skip it because it seemed super weebo with the terrible bits of Japanese thrown in so often and the fall-quickly-in-love trope. But with the author’s little tidbits, I had a feeling the person knew exactly what they were doing. So I kept on. Basically, one guy loses to another guy in a bet and has to do everything he says (haha, so original). Of course, the winner makes him his slave and then things get really heated and further into BDSM I go.
  • Kneel by bastmoon– …Fanfic! Hahaha! Between the co-protagonist and lead antagonist of anime “Fushigi Yuugi”. Pro gets taken prisoner by Anta. I could tell I was into some rough stuff because I didn’t follow “Fushigi Yuugi” at all. My aunt had one video which I watched the bloopers of over and over. However, I became super attached to this bit o’ porn.
  • Starts With a Spin by maxine– A Harry Potter, Draco/Harry fanfic that I’mma add just to show that I’m not only a sadist/masochist. I’ve read this four times!

You might be wondering…

Why though

 

When I was in 9th grade, my parents told me I would grow out of anime and video games, for various reasons, and that I’ll never follow through with them as a career or anything. I believed them, too, wanting to be a thoracic surgeon or some sort intensive doctor like that throughout my middle years in high school. Yeaaah…. That followed through, didn’t it?

I can’t really think of why. There really wasn’t any turning point that I remember. When I was very young, five-six-seven and on, I remember imagining Barbie’s friends doing horrible things to Barbie while she was naked, and the characters of video game Tekken 2 getting together, doing vague nakey stuff, and having babies and fighting bad guys of various natures (I was big on an oatmeal… Like, everyone would be naked and covered in oatmeal and fighting bad guys). Now that I really think about it… I was pretty much destined for some really out-of-this-world shit.

But what, exactly, am I into in regards to Gay Porn and Other Delicacies, and what do I recommend as part of my crazy-ass psyche?

How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits
How about I explain that in Part 2: Tickle Me Bits

Hot Nerds and “A Maléan Demon”, Second Go

Started this chapter in October...
Started this chapter in October…

And I finished it sometime this morning and published it on Aarinfantasy- I’m not expecting much from there, but until my web protection clears the adult fanfiction forum, that’s pretty much all I can do, but I think I’ve got an untapped demographic.

On yahoo there is a slavery group, where people write a very specific type of slave fiction. I’m on there for the reads, though the stories are mostly horribly slow-going psychological adventures from a first-person view of a slave, mainly in a realistic, modern environment. I can get the draw in that, but I joined the forum, seeing as the group are almost exclusively male, for a bit more smut. Anyway, as for demographics, I posted a few times talking about some stories this week, and the number of views to my wordpress jumped, clicks coming from mainly my yahoo profile. And then there were some guys who wanted me to share my writing with the group. That’s basically what the main image is for.

Awkward hot guy I think I’mma break away from “The Maléan Cages” and work on the rewrite for “Demon” and write my new story on the slave yahoo group. Actually, it’s not think, I will do this.

As you may know, I”m not exactly fond of realistic fiction unless it’s ridiculously well done, or gay, though even that I can’t seem to keep my head on. I have Maurice by E.M. Forster, and though it is written very well, and Forster got his characters throwing shade all over the damn place, I find myself  reading something supernatural in between pages. Even gay kink, it just doesn’t fit well into my mental space.

Still, I managed to think up a plotline to appease the specifics of the slave yahoo group. Here are some general guidelines for the group:

 1. The story is in first-person. I tend to despise first-person in general (though “Demon” and “Gem” are in first-person, I find it hard to like it in my writing or others’)

2. The story is in a slave’s point-of-view most of the time. This feels highly pornographic, like how in porn you see mostly the female’s reaction and body language. In gay pornography, it is more even, which drives me insane. If bottoms in gay porn would just be more vocal, or the top a little more vocal, that would be great. Instead, I end up going to lesbian porn, where it seems like everyone is having a good time- but they tend to fake it more often than not…

3. The government/world condones slavery. This can go all places. As a black female, I’m proud to say that most of the authors I”ve seen are equal opportunity when making up their little universe. The rest tend to view white people as inferior. Crazy, right?

4. The master(s) are very comfortable with keeping slaves. This is the only view that I’m comfortable with.

5. The slave is not comfortable with being slave, and the story hinges on their budding slavehood. Sometimes this is very well-done (as in, men who didn’t want to be slaves still don’t like being slaves at the end of a story) buuuuut most of the time a story descends to a slave becoming some sort of master-stalker-crazy-slut. Bleh.

I haven’t thought of a title, but I’ve gotten the picture above.  I wanted a ‘hot nerd’. Of course, I didn’t really get nerds. I got hot girls and guys wearing glasses. Suddenly, hundreds of pictures through google, I found this guy. He’s some actor, Korean (Choi?), and his picture was titled ‘hot nerd’. I don’t know how he managed to pull off that awkward look (the picture would have been too long, but he’s sitting in a really stiff pose) but it was perfect. Only female ‘hot nerds’ have long hair, but I wanted someone with long, greasy hair. An ‘Ugly Betty’ sort of thing.

Anyway, in a society that condones slavery, some guy looking similar to ‘hot nerd’ (probably someone of mixed race, though) gets caught hacking a database belonging to a company selling popular high-end children’s toys. Lo and behold, he also finds out the company sells weapons to the government. By selling the toys at an overpriced value, the company profits enough to make weapons, which the company uses to tip the government in their favor.

‘Hot nerd’ was intended for neutralization (knowing too much and all that) by the government and most of the company’s shareholders, until one of the biggest holders of the company’s stock decided to make him his slave.

And it goes on from there. It keeps going off from realism, but I’m reining it in.

Somewhat Damien... Add green eyes, black hair.
Somewhat Damien… Add green eyes, black hair.

Same thing is going for “Demon”. Chapter 6 is dominated by Ashekli, which is understandable, though unintended. I have big plans for mostly every character, but Ashekli is one of the bigger ones.

Though I’m learning to draw, I don’t have a scanner, which is a good excuse to not show all of you my poor excuses for executing my characters’ faces. This picture here- Tite Kubo’s Bleach’s Kaname Tousen- is close to what Damien looks like. But Damien has green eyes and black hair. Kubo has the hair about right, but Damien is much thicker bodywise and may be even taller (he’s 7’3″).

It was extremely hard to find pictures for my characters, because they are dark-skinned. And the number of ethnic characters in video games or anime is quite small. Dismally so. You might want to ask, why don’t I just find real people? Well, I don’t know how to find good people who are bursting feeling- like Tousen above, or Elena below. I mainly find models and celebrities, and they don’t give off the right vibes.  Oddly enough, there’s blue-eyed blondes just about everywhere in anime and video games. Although….

This captures one of the essences of Ashekli
This captures one of the essences of Ashekli

Ashekli has blond (hay-colored) hair and blue eyes. Capcom’s Street Fighter’s Elena fits Ashekli the most. Tite Kubo’s Matsumoto has the length and fleshiness of Ashekli’s hair. Elena is a bit too skinny up top and cannot compensate for Ashekli’s hermaphroditic body (well, no one can, so far).

I like this picture very much, for Ashekli is from a rural area famous for warriors, and Elena’s carrying a fucking fish over her shoulder.

Here are some of Ashekli’s quotes from this published chapter:

“Wait… What? Earth? Brekar’s son? Oh, my God! So amazing! Are you serious!” At this moment Ashekli was screaming, inviting odd stares and laughs. “Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God! So whatcha doin’? Are you training under him? Is he outta his cave?” He squealed, coming close and nearly slamming his body into mine. “Are you training under Keen Bodesh? Karti Na? Oh! Marikari Tibbith? Saucy stuff that, yea?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight,” Ashekli murmured. “You know how ya panic right before you get on a roller coaster? I’ve only ridden a few but, like, the first couple times, I was like telling me Pa, ‘I can’t do it, I can’t do it’, even though I was working up for it and everythang… Butcha see? Once you’re on the ride, you ain’t gotta worry no more? So why do it?” 

Obviously, Ashekli has an accent and likes to talk. Though he’s proud of his beauty, he doesn’t seem to accept his impressive brawn. He also can’t accept injustice, and has a naive superhero vibe coming from him. This chapter he worms his way into Damien’s heart in various ways, and sets the ball rolling for Damien fulfilling destiny (or something corny along those lines).

Damien’s ‘mother’ Ashelee is from the same village as Ashekli. He doesn’t have an accent when he speaks English (most Maléans don’t), but, unknown to Damien because he’s never heard Ashelee  speak Maléan, Ashelee’s accent is even worse than Ashekli’s.

Ashelee, maybe This Tousen fanart does Ashelee the most justice. This thinner-haired, thin-bodied, vulnerable-seeming Tousen is mostly how Ashelee looks and feels. As a slave of one of the most powerful Maléans on the planet, the target of unrequited obsessive love, and with telepathic abilities, this picture screams Ashelee. Ashelee also wields swords and is extremely prideful (as I remember Tousen being).

I couldn’t find a picture to represent Delgio. He’s a huge, terrifying guy that would be a bad guy ANYWHERE ELSE. He’s really just a bad guy on the good side in my story. Why? Because that’s real life. We have psychopaths we’re not executing, though if they were in any movie, we would cheer for their deaths, but real life and real people do things to you.

The closest to psychopathic beauty I can represent Delgio with is Scar. Yes, the jealous bro’ from “The Lion King”. He’s also the reason why having green eyes (and the color green) is such a big thing on Malé.

Okay- just took a break to look up ‘hot scary anime male’. I got something close to Delgio Kar.

Delgio Kar

This is a pretty solid representation, down to the damn fangs. Unless you know who this guy is (which would probably break the spell), the feeling you have right now after seeing that picture would probably be similar to how you would feel after meeting Delgio Kar, on a nice day. Of course, Delgio is dark-skinned, and has green eyes and dreadlocks, but this, this came out of no where, and I’m glad I found it.

Now, imagine Delgio on a bad day, and he gets mad at you. His eyes turn to these:

black eyes delgio Without the tattoo thingy coming out, though.

So between, anime-influenced people in “A Maléan Demon”, and a ‘realistic’ piece of fiction…

….

“Omega Testing”, I have a good source of writing material. Plus, I need to catch up with 642!

Uta no Prince-sama or Why I hate harem anime! or Why I love harem anime!

I wish it was a 1000 percent of homosexual love. Man, that would be nice to see animated.
The male cast of Uta no Prince-sama
  • Rating: 3/10

    • 10= Orgasmic and will watch again, by myself
    • 9= Awesomesauce, high chance of watching again, by myself
    • 8= Fantastic, medium chance of watching again, by myself
    • 7= Great, there’s a chance of watching by myself
    • 6= Nice, would need inspiration to watch by myself
    • 5=Good, will watch again , with friend(s)
    • 4= Average, medium chance of watching again, with friend(s)
    • 3= Below Average, low chance of watching again even with friend(s)
    • 2= Ho-hum, no chance of watching again
    • 1= Bad, regret watching

K Project Review

Yo, I wanted to do a true-blue review. Why? Well, to let everyone know the opinions of a female, kink-sub, black, bi-polar possessing, pansexual, atheist feminist with an unholy penchant for gay males. I did something touching this with K, Zetsuen no Tempest, and Psycho Pass, but this is much better.

Here’s how the reviews go. I want to make it absolutely clear that my biases are just that. I generally hate when people say “This is terrible” or “Show was absolute drivel” without making it abundantly clear that those opinions are just that. When one is not clear, to me, it makes it clear that you take your opinions as fact in the real world, and your bias as a benchmark of human thought. I.E. You’re an egotistical fart.

So biases (and pet peeves) relevant to this anime with correlating points that mean nothing whatsoever:

  • Bishounen +10 (They’re pretty common)
  • Bishoujo +1 (Even more fucking common, but still likable)
  • Music/cal +50 (I love music… so much!)
  • Beautiful cross-dressing guy actually taken seriously +100
  • More guys than girls +20 (shounen anime have this too, but I’ll take as many guys as girls)
  • Elements of craziness to drive plot +10 (I like gag anime)
  • CHANGING OUTFITS  +100  (Any animated feature usually has the same outfits over and over. Love it when they change it up)
  • Pathetic, goody-goody, spineless-until-last-episode female lead figure -100 (Anime has a lot of this though)
  • Staple characters -10 (I don’t mind stereotypes though, until they start to have that Family Guy/Cleveland Show/American Dad vibe)
  • Cornier than a maize field, cheesier than a Kraft factory -50
  • Drama hype -70 (I like my fair amount of drama, but goodness…)

So, in the end, Uta no Prince-sama totals 61 points, which sounds about right. I’ll tell you why:

This lady:

She's a fucking puppy
Nanami, the team mascot

arrives at a music school that churns out idols and composers. The lack of realism attracted me, along with the boys and music. Shining Saotome, the headmaster of the school, is great comedy relief, is like the mentor for our main characters, and really puts things in motion. Nanami starts gathering her harem through her… charisma? Writes music for them, and the boys (and Nanami) eventually find everything they are looking for. It has some super sweet moments all throughout the show (which really did help me get through it), plus the makers gave flair to each character, even if you could have molded them in your local bakery, most definitely.

Ringo-sensei
Except him…
Shining Saotome
Or him

But, this show is  terribly corny and gooey and bleh… I got the anime in… *checks*…. May 2012. This show has 13 episodes, and it’s taken until today for me to finish it because I can’t take corny drama (or heavy drama) for more than thirty minutes a month. Except for the first six or seven minutes of the first episode (where they show part of the Princes’ debut concert), I didn’t touch the  show much.

They never fucking kiss!
Scenes like this made me go elsewhere for awhile

If Nanami wasn’t surrounded by beautiful guys, I wouldn’t have stayed… Oh… And if the show didn’t have such catchy tunes (the tunes are corny as well, but they do sound good)… And the aforementioned moments of sweetness, and there were some funny moments, too.

You may be wondering why I chose an anime that I didn’t really enjoy overall to make my first true-blue review. Well, this anime is getting a 2nd season, and you can bet your ass I’mma watch it. More music and bishounen- and Nanami pulled on her ovaries in the last episode (even if she broke down crying while doing so…Ugh), so she might actually have a spine in the second season!

Will they have sex?
More pretty guys!

Thanks to the lovely thornqueen (she’s on wordpress and has super interesting posts about Japanese culture and finds the most awesome pictures pertaining to her topics. She even made a post for guys wearing oversized clothing/shirts with bare legs, for me! Because I sort of have a fetish for that…) I am aware that these guys will be in the next season. Apparently they are in the game Uta no Prince-sama is based on, and they are called The Seniors. More gingerbread men? I don’t know, but they look weird and hot.

Now, there’s enough bishounen to have me living on BL vibes for quite awhile, for any other anime. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of fanservice towards BL, and the unrepentant fanservice for drama overshadows mostly everything. They tried, I saw that. The six guys up top are paired together in dorm dorms, and two of the pairs know each other so the feels are strong between them. But… Not strong enough, and definitely not stronger than their feels for Puppy blob.

Oversized shirt and leggy legs, yumminess
Shinomiya…And Shinomiya

Thanks to thornqueen, I might be able to get through the second season with some fanmade BL pictures, which I never looked up because I couldn’t take Uta no Prince-sama seriously for BL. In the series, this guy named Shinomiya- who likes cute things (like his roommate)- is generally fluffy and adorable, until he takes his glasses off, or loses them, and turns into an ill-tempered badass that needs more fucking screentime. There’s plenty pictures of this selfcest (yes, that’s a thing, and it’s hot, I tell you), plus the regular ‘couples’ (or the pairs in the dorms), plus pictures of The Seniors. So, I’mma go for this, because I really like music.

And it’s pretty, dammit!