Bible! Day 3, and Noah’s flood never happened

Genesis 7:1-9:29

Let me throw y’all this right quick: 7:24– “The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days”- Y’ALL, it didn’t just rain for 40 days and 40 nights; the earth was flooded for 150 days! What does this mean for the average man? That means, all the food and poop pickup, the fate of the creatures of the water, etc. have all been compounded nearly 4x. Noah, it says in this Bible, stayed nearly a year in that ark.

Also, should Christians be on the lookout for clean and unclean animals as it says they exist within the first four verses of Chapter 7 of Genesis- and here we are in Noah’s time.

8:1– “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark” and so God got to cleaning up the place, but my question is (and this happens a couple more times later in this segment), did God forget Noah? You don’t have to remember what you haven’t forgotten, you know what I mean? From the sound of these beginning pages, God was never meant to be all-knowing (or omnibenevolent either!) From here, also, why did Noah have to build an ark? Why would God need to send a flood? Y’all remember Prince of Egypt? God sent that smoky stuff to kill all the first born. This wasn’t possible because? Why kill most of the animals too?

9:12– “And God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you” etc. There is absolutely no need for a covenant or rainbow. God could have just had a promise, and it’s not like this covenant is trustworthy. Sure, he won’t ‘flood the earth’ but he can do pretty much anything else.

9:20-end – ARE YOU SERIOUS? Just in case some of you don’t know, there was a thing with white people who believed that black people (especially tribal Africans) were directly descended from Canaan, and I’m guessing it’s probably because they were more naked than most people. And Canaan was ‘meant’ to be a slave to his brothers, just as Africans were ‘meant’ to be the slave to white people.

Now that that’s over with. This wasn’t a big population- many people today would be able to count Canaan as an ancestor. Two, the guy saw another guy naked after being drunk, and he and his descendants get cursed for all eternity. Adam and Eve were naked for who knows how long- WHY is this a bad thing? These guys get upset over the stupidest things.

  1. Plot 3- This was a lot less exciting than I had remembered it. I kind of wanted more tension, but I suppose for goatmen, this was pretty exciting
  2. Credibility 1- It didn’t happen, and nothing about it makes sense.
  3. Reliability 4- Even if it wasn’t true, we know we could count on God to do some crazy magical shit somewhere down the line, even though this definitely didn’t happen.
  4. Clarity 1- What are kinds? Clean and unclean animals? Why was Noah so upset to be seen naked? Did none of the wives get pregnant or die from childbirth? So many  questions!
  5. Reality 1- If this was 1830, this would probably be a four, seeing as how people used to Bible (and not only this part) to reinforce their own selfish views on slavery. Also, most Christians or apologists I know see this story as more metaphorical than anything.  Of course, would than mean gods are simply metaphorical beings after all? How does that work?

 

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