Something made me pause today… A bedbug (pest that we’ve been fighting for awhile, though t’s pretty good now) was on my hand while I was on the computer. They like my laptop for some reason and come out of the metalwork at specific times. Specifically when it’s a pleasant temperature, not too hot or cold, when I’m still for long periods of time like when I’m reading, and only at night.
But this bedbug was on my hand. It’s hot as hell in my room, I’m checking several things before settling down to read this very good ebook called Evenfall and thus my hand is moving erratically, and it’s in the middle of the hot-ass day.
I’ve been dealing with bed bugs long enough to recognize their different stages- like hungry (instantly painful) infancy to slow but steady (and painful for a longer bit of time) adulthood.
This was a teenager, and it was hungry. It was big enough, but its body was clear and strained, flat.
No, this bedbug wasn’t hungry. It was starving, and it was desperate, and it was willing to risk its life to get some of my blood.
And, for a moment, I thought of letting it do so. But I probably killed two of its relatives last night- two loners, one in the living room and another in my room under the chair, the first an adult that I ignored because I didn’t feel like turning on the light and that which slowly ate at me before I decided to tear it apart in a napkin, the second younger which I could have ignored, but it had bitten me in a sensitive spot and while I was reading Evenfall.
I had told my mom earlier just today that I was feeling sorry for these things because they were hungry, but at first I despised them with a passion and crushed them and drowned them and melted them with pesticides until I could sleep well.
And then this one, this starving creature crawls on my hand in broad daylight.
I smooshed it into my hand in raging instinct, but it was so thin it could still scuttle away. I grabbed it and tore it, remembering I ate a large bowl of cereal today, and wondering if I would ever be a pest for one meal. Thinking as I checked if it was still moving, that I had probably bothered hundreds with my endeavors over the years, and this guy was dying, dead doing something so incredibly stupid, so incredibly pathetic as disregarding its most helpful of evolutionary traits.
How often had I done the same?
No… I’ve never done the same. I’ve never been at risk (well, some could make the argument that I have, but the guys didn’t kill me, so it’s not a true comparison, I don’t think).
Will I ever do something that went against all I’ve been taught?
Ah, something crawled on me again. But I checked. It was a sugar ant. I wiped it off and wrote this in.
Did I do the right thing? I could swipe an ant because I knew it wouldn’t bother me, wouldn’t bite me and poison me and breed hundreds of others to terrorize me.
Have I done that to all things… All things living and breathing?
What was it thinking.