When I first started this blog, it was for a number of things I was writing because the sites I used didn’t allow too much discussion and I got the distinct impression that
At the same time I thought that, I believed I would never get anything like followers or fans or anything quite so fabulous. I’ve got a trickle that I’m grateful for, though I wouldn’t mind more, a lot more. But it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.
In any case, I definitely didn’t think I would ever connect this to my Facebook page and have taken some pains to not associate my real name with this page. I mean, when I rant about my Dad or about gay porn or about my bipolar disorder and all the stuff in between, it’s not something I had wanted read by my nearest and dearest.
Today I realized two things, though: this little blog gets more likes per ‘status’ than what I post on Facebook, and NOBODY CARES- at least there or, really, much here. And I honestly don’t care who cares here on WordPress since I doubt I’ll ever meet them in the streets.
This was pushed on me by a number of things, the main one being someone in this world seemed to be trying to confess to me, but I was under the distinct impression that we were incompatible, mainly for the fact that we hardly knew that much about each other, and I haven’t revealed many of my darkest thoughts that could make or break a relationship- any relationship. Another main thing is that I adore a bit of personal strife, and it’ll be nice, like a lot of strife that I’ve received, to tell a future somebody that nothing really happened.
But! You might be thinking, I might lose a lot of friends! Or, if you happen to scan through my pages, I’m going to lose everyone!
Frankly, I couldn’t care less. I’m just an incompatible person for them, and I refuse to hide for fear of what- losing people who thought very little of me? This is not to sound bitter or angry- it’s just the truth. It’s kind of like how I don’t care about what Romney is doing now or if Justin Bieber will ever make another song. It’ll be fine if Romney is having a lovely talk with Ann or Bieber is taking a hiatus, like people on my Facebook will be happy I’m alive- but that’s as far as anything goes. And nothing so far as to worry about it.
Just thinking about it… Like, I made very depressed statuses over the years on Facebook and some messaged me to take them down, and now that I think about it… Why did I listen? One of them was up for a weekend before anyone said anything (to take it down). At the time, I remember thinking how I didn’t want to be seen as depressed or needy or desperate, and not wanting to upset people or make them worry. However, as I contemplate, no one really gave a shit. And I shouldn’t have either. It would have been good to catalog my moods and see how I was feeling when and all those who thought I was mistaken making some real status instead of- MCDONALD’S IS THE SHIT!!!!
And no one will give a shit if a post on my blog is on my wall. One day, every one of my friends on Facebook will have seen this blog and a vast majority of them will ignore it and all statuses related to it. A few will defriend me and a couple will warn me of various things that will have no application to my life on whether I follow the warnings or not.
And what really makes this all amazing is that I’ve thought about this for soooo looooong. And nobody really cared for soooo loooooong. And, honestly, the only people that I would regret having find any of this out is some future employer. Not even my current one because, holy shitcakes, the managers know damn well everybody and literally their mama smokes hard as rocks. They probably just can’t afford to fire everyone.
I still won’t use my real name here, you know, so it makes it a bit harder for some employer to sneak a peek.
If you’ve read this far and wondering if I lost my mind, just think of this: How many of your friends’ pictures have you rifled completely through? I can name them on two hands- only two of them not family. How many friends’ pages do you check specifically to see if they have made a status? Probably none, right? How often do you go to another’s person page and click on things that they have- either their music or books, or their other friends? Riiiight.
I realized that I’m just a tiny speck in most people’s lives, at most a boulder to lean on for a fun, loving, trusting time.
Oh, another big reason I’m doing this. I wrote something I was really excited about and wanted to share more of. But the only things I could count on were Facebook and a couple of forums. My mind had immediately recoiled at the thought of Facebook before I was like, wait, why not? Nobody gives a shit really except me, and I am the universe for my mind’s eye and a marble for everyone else’s.
The World Ends With Me.